Find the IP of other people in IRC channels, mIRC script




You can, on IRC, see which IP belongs to a user (whatever you need to know this for, obviously . This is achieved, inside mIRC, with the /dns command. So, for example, if you want to know what IP is using your channelmate Jogi you can do:

/dns Jogi

and you will see, after some time, the IP and the IP name (if there is one) of Jogi in the Status window. So, what’s he big deal you’ll ask, a page just for this command? Not actually, because it may be annoyng to switch to the Status window every time you need to check the IP of a user. So here we’ll make a script which will send a message to our current channel window with the regarding information.

You can use this addon to load the script from within mIRC, instead of writing the lines yourself.

If you want to add the lines yourself, here are the instructions.

Before we begin, let’s recall that you need to press the button in mIRC to access the Remote panel, that is where you edit scripts.

What you need to write there is:

on *:DNS://echo -a Resolved $nick to: Name - $naddress , IP - $iaddress

and the output, after you add this line, press OK, and issue the /dns command on a user, will appear in the active window, and resemble this:

Resolved Joey42 to: Name - co3061808-a.eburwd1.vic.optushome.com.au , IP - 203.164.127.151

In the case the IPname was not available, the field after “Name -” would simply be empty.

You can check with this also the IP corresponding to websites. For example, if you want to know what IP is associated with www.microsoft.com just do:

/dns www.microsoft.com

and the output will be:

Resolved to: Name - www.microsoft.com , IP - 207.46.230.219

and as well see what IP name belongs to an IP you run into:

/dns 65.92.216.192

the output being:

Resolved to: Name - HSE-Montreal-ppp3473182.sympatico.ca , IP - 65.92.216.192

clear enough I’d say.

Now go on IRC and play a bit.

[Updated 15th Sept 2010]
Several visitors have been asking in the comments why, when they do /dns username, they get a strange code instead of the numeric IP address (in the form of 5B26E798.A7F81C6C.2CF41D6B.IP); this is obviously not an IP address, nor a named alias, but just your server that has a “high security” policy, where it normally does not allow users to know each other’s IP addresses and instead outputs that string, which is univocally associated with the user, but cannot be used to determine the real IP. This is a limitation that cannot be worked around per se, still, you could try asking the user for a DCC query session, which is a special private chat where your computers are directly connected to each other, without passing through the server: if the other user accepts your DCC request, then you can see each other’s IP addresses, since your PC’s are directly connected.

  This article has been Digiproved




Autoaway script for mIRC

The away flag is a very useful one, lets you be “justified” if you don’t answer someone’s query, or even lurk in incognito, so the pesters you don’t want to chat with, think you are not at the computer. In the first case, it often happens that you simply leave the PC connected, being AFK, but forget to activate the away. A simple script can check for how long you’ve been “idle” with mIRC (the idle time in mIRC represents the time from the last stroke on the Enter key, no matter if it’s been used to send a line to a channel or a chat window, or just to identify to NickServ, or something else).

You need to set both an alias and a script (this will work fine enough if you just installed a clean mIRC, or anyway if you’re not using other scripts).

You can use this addon to load the script without adding the lines yourself. All the instructions are in the TXT file, follow them. I suggest you to continue reading anyway, so you can have more details about the script.

Here’s what you need to add in the Aliases Panel (accessible pressing the button):

/CheckAway {
  //if (($idle > 300) && ($away == $false)) //away 8,2 I am away after 5 idle minutes
  //if (($idle < 300) && ($away == $true)) /away
}

Customize this alias by changing the idle time with the one you prefer (I setted it to turn on the away flag after 5 minutes – 300 seconds; just put your preferred idle time, in seconds, instead of the two “300” you find there), and putting a message you like instead of “I am away after 5 idle minutes” (the “8,2” is used to set the colour of the message. If you don’t know how to use colour codes in mIRC, leave it as it is, or remove it if you don’t like the colours I use .

Here’s instead what you need to add in the Remote Panel (accessible pressing the button):

on *:CONNECT:/timerChkAway 0 10 /CheckAway

If you followed the instructions in the other pages of this section, and already added an on CONNECT line, add the “/timerChkAway 0 10 /CheckAway” line as well to the routine. If you instead want to add the other scripts in these pages, then do the same, by using something like:

on *: CONNECT:{
  line1
  line2
  line3
  ...
  ...
}

and putting the proper commands where you find “line1” “line2” and so on.

Now, using this script togheter with the AutoAnswerer script you can find in this section, you will have a complete set of away scripts.

ASCII Art collection

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  A T T A C K !                                   ~~~~~~~




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                                                                /
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      |                                                               |
    (\o/)___________________________________________________________(\o/)
    (/|\)                                                           (/|\)


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  __|/__   ( \|(__   __(__    __|/__
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-=[ rose & heart ]=-

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                   -|__| (_){_) J ]K{__ L___ _   _]
              -  -- |__| . _(_) \v     /__________|________
                 ---l__l_ (_). []|+-+-<\^   L  . _   - ---L|
           _ ________\__\    __. ||^l  \Y] /_]  (_) .  _,--'
                       \~_]  L_| || .\ .\\/~.    _,--'"
                        \_\ . __/||  |\  \`-+-<'"         "Millenium Falcon"
                          "`---._|J__L|X o~~|[\\
                                 \____/ \___|[//
                                  `--'   `--+-'



                         ________
                    _,.-Y  |  |  Y-._
                .-~"   ||  |  |  |   "-.
                I" ""=="|" !""! "|"[]""|     _____
                L__  [] |..------|:   _[----I" .-{"-.
               I___|  ..| l______|l_ [__L]_[I_/r(=}=-P
              [L______L_[________]______j~  '-=c_]/=-^
               \_I_j.--.\==I|I==_/.--L_]
                 [_((==)[`-----"](==)j
                    I--I"~~"""~~"I--I
                    |[]|         |[]|
                    l__j         l__j
                    |!!|         |!!|
                    |..|         |..|
                    ([])         ([])
                    ]--[         ]--[
                    [_L]         [_L]
                   /|..|\       /|..|\
                  `=}--{='     `=}--{='
                 .-^--r-^-.   .-^--r-^-.            "Imperial AT-AT"
           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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                      L:/         //./
                     [_7      _  // /
                       _  ,-="_"^K_/
                      [ ][.-~" ~"-.]          "Imperial AT-ST"
              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



              ___  _____
            .'/,-Y"     "~-.
            l.Y             ^.
            /\               _\_      "Doh!"
           i            ___/"   "\
           |          /"   "\   o !
           l         ]     o !__./
            \ _  _    \.___./    "~\
             X \/ \            ___./
            ( \ ___.   _..--~~"   ~`-.
             ` Z,--   /               \
               \__.  (   /       ______)
                 \   l  /-----~~" /
                  Y   \          /
                  |    "x______.^    "Homer"
                  |           \
                  j            Y




                                                         ____
             ___                                      .-~. /_"-._
            `-._~-.                                  / /_ "~o\  :Y
                \  \                                / : \~x.  ` ')
                 ]  Y                              /  |  Y< ~-.__j
                /   !                        _.--~T : l  l<  /.-~
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                          ~~     (   _}
                                 `. ~(
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           "T-Rex"                /,`--'~\--'~\
                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


  ------------------------------------------------------------------
                         The Koala Bear Collection
  ------------------------------------------------------------------
     ___           ___           ___           ___           ___
   {~._.~}       {~:_:~}       {~...~}       {~+_+~}       {~___~}
    ( Y )         ( Y )         ( Y )         ( Y )         ( Y )
   ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()
   (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)

    Koala         Koala         Koala         Dead          Sleeping
                  saying        saying        koala         koala
                   yes           no

     ___           ___           ___           ___           ___
   {~-_-~}       {~p_q~}       {~o o~}       {~._.~}       {~._.~}
    ( Y )         ( Y )         ( . )         ( Y )         ( Y )
   ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()v-v()
   (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)Y(_)       (_)^(_)

    Asian         A very        Surprised     Male          Female
    koala         tired         koala         koala         koala
                  koala

     ___           ___         _ ___ _         ___           ___
   {~._.~}       {~===~}       \~._.~/       {~x_x~}       {~. .~}
   _( Y )_        ( Y )         ( Y )         ( Y )         ( V )
  (:_~*~_:)      ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()
   (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)

   Hugging       Geordi        Spock         Pissed        Pinocchio
    koala         koala         koala         koala         koala

                                                *
     ___           ___          _   _          /_\           ___
   {~._.~}       {~._.~}       ( )-( )       {~._.~}       {~._.~}
    ( Y )         ( Y )        ()_*_()        ( Y )         ( Y )
    j~*~l        ()~*~()        ( v )        ()~*~()         ~H~
   (_)-(_)        l_T_|        {_` '_}       (_)-(_)          H
                                 ~~~                          ~
   'armless      Standing      Upside        Party         Koala
    koala         koala         down          koala         icecream
                                koala
            .             .
     ___   //     .---.  //      _ _                         ___
   {~._.~}//     Y|o o|Y//     {~.V.~}         . .         {~._.~}
    ( Y )K/     /_(i=i)K/       ( Y )                       ( Y )
   ()~*~()      ~()~*~()~      ()~*~()                     ()~S~()
   (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)                    /(_)-(_)\
                                                          ~       ~
   Luke          Darth         Koala with    Invisible     Superman
   Skywalker     Vader         a splitting   koala         koala
   koala         koala         headache


   _)   ___   (_     \___/          |||          _) (_          -^-
  _) \{~._.~}/ (_   {~._.~}       {~. .~}       {~$_$~}      {~ -_- ~}
  )_\ \( Y )/ /_(    ( Y )         (v^v)         ( Y )        (  Y  )
   )_ ()~*~() _(    ()~*~()       / ' ' \       ()~*~()      ()~___~()
    )_(_)-(_)_(     (_)-(_)      / \   / \      (_)-(_)     (_)__V__(_)

      Dragon        Berlin        Dracula       Dagobert      Sumo
      koala         koala         koala         koala         koala
                    _____|           _           _____          ___
        ___         \_*_/|         _/ \_          |_|*        {~._.~}
      {'   `}      {~._.~}        {~._.~}/      {~._.~}        ( Y )
       (   )        ( Y )|         ( Y )/        ( Y )        ()`o'()
      (/   \)      ()***()        (  : /)       ()~*~U)       (_)_(_)
      (__u__)      (_)-(_)       (   :   )      (_)-(_)    ___|  1  |___
                                                          | 2         3 |

      koala         Russian       Snow          PhD           Champion
      from behind   koala         koala         koala         koala
                                    ___
        ___  ___  ___        xxxxx _) (_         ___           ()_()
      {~._.{~._.~}._.~}     //._.\{~._.~}      {~._.~}          ._.
       ( O )( O )( O )      /( Y )\( Y )      ~ ( Y ) ~~       ( Y )
      ()~*~()~*~()~*~()     (/   \()\V/()    ~o~ ~  ~~o~      () O ()
      (_)-((_)-(_))-(_)     /     \_)-(_)    ~  ~  ~  ~ ~     (_)-(_)
                            ~~~~~~~            ~  ~   ~
      koala                 Just married        Swimming      Easter
      chorus                koalas              koala         koala

  ------------------------------------------------------------------




                             _-_      _-_
                            //^\\__._//^\\___.
                           /\\__\\/_//__/'__/|
       .-----------.     ./---->>/O/\--'---/||
       : For: You   `._,'/ * // / / || *  /|||
       : Luv, Pooky ,'  /_-_-'_/_/__\\___/.|||
       `-----------'   |*//*  *| | * \\  | |||
                       | 'o  o | |  o 'o |.|||
                       | *  *  | |*  *  *| |||
                       |  o  o | |  o  o |.|||
                       |*  *  *| | *  *  | ||/
                       |  o  o | |  o  o |.|/
                       | *  *  | |*  *  *| /
                       |_______|_|_______|/
                                             

                   /  \      .--.
                  |    |--._/    |
                .'\   /   . `'._/
               /           :   \
              /             :   )
             ;          .-.   .-.'
             |           ()   _()
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           \'-)____      ; \  .' /_
            `\-.   `-._   `-'' .' /
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          |_.-----._;             `-.  \
          /|        |        ___...--;  \
         ; |        \__..--''      \-`   \
        :   \        \              |     |
        :    \        \             |     /
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             `|           |      /
              |           /     /
              |          /    .'__
              |       _.'      `  `.
              \        `"-.        /
               '._         /____.-'
                  '-.____.'
 

        _--_     _--_     _--_     _--_     _--_     _--_         
       (    )~~~(    )   (    )~~~(    )   (    )~~~(    )        
        \           /     \           /     \           /         
         (  ' _ `  )       (  ' _ `  )       (  ' _ `  )          
          \       /         \       /         \       /           
           ( `-' )           ( `-' )        .__( `-' )  ___       
        _--'`---'_         .--`---'\       /   /`---'`-'   \      
       /         \___     /        _>\    /   /          ._/   __ 
      /   /       !  \   /  /-___-'   ) /'   /.-----\___/     /  )
     (   <        !__/ /'  (        _/  \___//          `----'   ! 
      \   \      /\    \___/`------' )       \            ______/ 
       \--/   \ /  \  ._    \      `<         `--_____----'       
         `.    )-   \/  ) ___>-_     \   /-\    \    /            
          !   !  `.    / /      `-_   `-/  /    !   !             
          /  /__   \__/ (  \---__/ `-_    /     /  /__            
         (______)        \__)         `-_/     (______)           


 \|/  \|/  \\||//  \|/   \\\||/   \||///    \\||//   \\\\\|||/// \|/|\|

====================================================================

                       THE TEDDY BEARS PICNIC

====================================================================


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                        |    \  \ - ~ ~ - /  /    |
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                       {   \  +\         \  =\ (        ~ - . _ _ _..---~
                       |  | {   }         \   \_\
                      '---.o___,'       .o___,'     "Stegosaurus"


                                                             .--.__
                                                           .~ (@)  ~~~---_
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                                        :   / /      // /         ((
                                        :  / /      {   `-------,. ))
                                        :   /        ''=--------. }o
                           .=._________,'  )                     ))
                           )  _________ -''                     ~~
                          / /  _ _
                         (_.-.'O'-'.        "Deinonychus"


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                                    <+       \\
                                     \\      WWW      "Pterodactyl"
                                     '


                                _
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                             ~~;  ~_
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             (/ / / / / | | | ~(/    \) ~ | | \ \ \ \ \)
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           (/ / / / ~          / (||)|          ~ \ \ \ \)
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                                //||\\
                                //||\\
                                //||\\
                                '/||\'        "Archaeopteryx"


                                              _..-=~=-._
                                         _.-~'          ~.
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           __/||||__            '''                 -----
             _||_|__                                           "Maiasaur"


                            _..--+~/@-~--.
                        _-=~      (  .   '
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                 '      =                             .
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                ;      ;                               _____  } |
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                :        =_     _.-~~          ~~--.__
           _____ \         ~-+-~                   ___~=_______
                ~@#~~ == ...______ __ ___ _--~~--_                  "Pleisiosaur"


              _
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                           |   |/             _\   \         ~-.__________.-~~~~~~~~~'''
           "Brachiosaur" .o'___/            .o______}


                     _
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                   //
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                              {{       _____|_/ ;   ;        *     ___
                               `      ---- _=.=`   ~ _____   ||*    ____
                                       __:='    .='     ___\\||/___
           "Parasaurolophus"       ..:~____.==''


                                                  .--.
                                                 {(~~)}
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               '-.___'_::='         "Corythosaur"


                                 __.--'~~~~~`--.
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                              /  /         \  \          ~--.,___~_-_.
                           __/  /          _\  )
                         .<___.'         .<___/    "Triceratops"



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            \_____]                     "--.             "-.____/   "Dragonball Z"



					***End Anime***
					===============


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            /_______________________\        BARON!
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          /___________________________\
             |____________________|
             |____________________|   "Snoopy"
             |____________________|
             |                    |  


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                                        ______________
                           _____________\            /
                          |               __   __   /
                          |  __      __  | _  |__  /
                          | |__ |   |__| |__|  __| \
                          | |   |__ |  |            \
                          |                __________\
                          |________________\
                          |
                          |
                          |       The  Flags  Guide
                          |
                          |
                          |
                          |
                          |

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |XXXXXXX|==============| |======================| |\\\\    |    |    ////|
      |XXXXXXX|==============| |        __/\__        | |___\\\\_|    |_////___|
      |XXXXXXX|==============| |       `\/~~\/'       | |~~~~~~~~      ~~~~~~~~|
      |======================| |        /\__/\        | |________      ________|
      |======================| |       `~~\/~~'       | |~~~////~|    |~\\\\~~~|
      |======================| |======================| |////    |    |    \\\\|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
               U.S.A                 I S R A E L              B R I T A I N

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |       _--~~--_       | |                      |
      |      ////////////////| |    _-~ _----_ ~-_    | |        _----_        |
      |      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| | _-~   (. .  .)   ~-_ | |       (      )       |
      |      ////////////////| |`~-_   (.  . .)   _-~'| |       (      )       |
      |      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |    ~-_ ~----~ _-~    | |        ~----~        |
      |      ////////////////| |       ~--__--~       | |                      |
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
             Q A T A R                B R A Z I L               J A P A N

       _______________          ______________________   _
      |      | |      |        |                      | | ~-_
      |      | |      |        |        __/\__        | | o  ~-_
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      |      | |      |        |                      | |        \
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~
      S W I T Z E R L A N D         V I E T N A M        N E P A L

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |______________________| |            ||||||||||| |  __/\__   ###########|
      |          /\          | |  __||__    ||||||||||| |  \    /   ###########|
      |         /\/\         | |  ~~||~~    ||||||||||| |   |/\|    ###########|
      |        /\/\/\        | |            ||||||||||| ||||||||||||   __/\__  |
      |          ||          | |            ||||||||||| ||||||||||||   \    /  |
      |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| |            ||||||||||| ||||||||||||    |/\|   |
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
           L E B A N O N               M A L T A              P A N A M A

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |_\\_| |_//_           | ||||||            |||||| |######################|
      |____   ____     *     | ||||||            |||||| |######################|
      | // | | \\    *   *   | ||||||   _/^\_    |||||| |######################|
      |                 .    | ||||||   \_ _/    |||||| |######################|
      |    (*)               | ||||||     |      |||||| |######################|
      |                *     | ||||||            |||||| |######################|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
         A U S T R A L I A           C A N A D A               L I B Y A

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |||||||||||||||||||||||| | \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |===   ================|
      |######################| |   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |         =============|
      |#######,-~~~-,########| |    ##################| |===   ================|
      |#######`-___-'########| |    ##################| |======================|
      |######################| |   ///////////////////| |======================|
      |||||||||||||||||||||||| | /////////////////////| |======================|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
              L A O S                K U W A I T              G R E E C E

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      ||||||||||    #########| |~--__            __--~| |   ..                 |
      ||||||||||    #########| |_    ~~--____--~~    _| |  * .                 |
      |~~~~~~~~~    ~~~~~~~~~| | ~~--__  *  *  __--~~ | |   ..                 |
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      |#########    |||||||||| |-~~  __--~~~~--__  ~~-| |                      |
      |#########    |||||||||| |_--~~            ~~--_| |                      |
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       D O M I N I C A N  Rep.      B U R U N D I              C H I N A

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |                      | |((((((((((()))))))))))| |((((((((((()))))))))))|
      |       /~/            | |((((((((/~~~~\))))))))| |((((((((/~~~~\))))))))|
      |      | |   *         | |((((((((  /   ))))))))| |(((((((        )))))))|
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      |                      | |((((((((\____/))))))))| |((((((((\____/))))))))|
      |                      | |((((((((((()))))))))))| |((((((((((()))))))))))|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
            T U R K E Y             T U N I S I A          B A N G L A D E S H

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@| |  ...   ||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |@@@@@@@@@@/\@@@@@@@@@@| | : O ;  ||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |@@@@@@@@\    /@@@@@@@@| |  """   ||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |@@@@@@@@/_/\_\@@@@@@@@| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
           S O M A L I A             T A I W A N

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |                      | |                      | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
      |                      | |                      | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
      |                      | |                      | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
      |######################| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |######################| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |######################| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
         S A N   M A R I N O          P O L A N D           I N D O N E S I A

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
           I R E L A N D        I V O R Y   C O A S T          I T A L Y

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      | __/\__               | | __/\__ ||||||||||||||| | __/\__  =============|
      | \    /               | | \    / ||||||||||||||| | \    /  =============|
      |  |/\|                | |  |/\|  ||||||||||||||| |  |/\|   =============|
      |                      | |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX| |======================|
      |                      | |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX| |======================|
      |                      | |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX| |======================|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
            B E N I N                C H I L E               L I B E R I A

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      | __/\__ ::::::::::::::| |~~--_\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |~~--@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@|
      | \    / ##############| |__/\__-_\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |__/\__-@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@|
      |  |/\|  ::::::::::::::| |\    /  ~-_\\\\\\\\\\\| |\    /  ~-_           |
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       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
             T O G O                  J I B U T I         Sou.   Y E M E N

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |~~--##################| |~~--!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!| |~~--##################|
      |__/\__-_              | |     ~-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!| |     ~-###############|
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      | |/\|   _-~           | |        _-~           | |        _-~           |
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      |__--~                 | |__--XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX| |__--::::::::::::::::::|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
              C U B A                  J O R D A N              Y E M E N


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  :::            | :         |  |   |         |   | :|           |              
                 |           |  |   |_________|   |  |           |              
  _______________|           |__|.- '         ` -.|__|           |______________
   .  .... . ..  `.._______..'           ..   ...    `.._______..' .. .. ..... .




              .o oOOOOOOOo                                            OOOo
              Ob.OOOOOOOo  OOOo.      oOOo.                      .adOOOOOOO
              OboO"""""""""""".OOo. .oOOOOOo.    OOOo.oOOOOOo.."""""""""'OO
              OOP.oOOOOOOOOOOO "POOOOOOOOOOOo.   `"OOOOOOOOOP,OOOOOOOOOOOB'
              `O'OOOO'     `OOOOo"OOOOOOOOOOO` .adOOOOOOOOO"oOOO'    `OOOOo
              .OOOO'            `OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'            `OO
              OOOOO                 '"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"`                oOO
             oOOOOOba.                .adOOOOOOOOOOba               .adOOOOo.
            oOOOOOOOOOOOOOba.    .adOOOOOOOOOO@^OOOOOOOba.     .adOOOOOOOOOOOO
           OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.OOOOOOOOOOOOOO"`  '"OOOOOOOOOOOOO.OOOOOOOOOOOOOO
           "OOOO"       "YOoOOOOMOIONODOO"`  .   '"OOROAOPOEOOOoOY"     "OOO"
              Y           'OOOOOOOOOOOOOO: .oOOo. :OOOOOOOOOOO?'         :`
              :            .oO%OOOOOOOOOOo.OOOOOO.oOOOOOOOOOOOO?         .
              .            oOOP"%OOOOOOOOoOOOOOOO?oOOOOO?OOOO"OOo
                           '%o  OOOO"%OOOO%"%OOOOO"OOOOOO"OOO':
                                `$"  `OOOO' `O"Y ' `OOOO'  o             .
              .                  .     OP"          : o     .    
                                        :                        
                                        .

                   .                                                      .
                 .n                   .                 .                  n.
           .   .dP                  dP                   9b                 9b.    .
          4    qXb         .       dX                     Xb       .        dXp     t
         dX.    9Xb      .dXb    __                         __    dXb.     dXP     .Xb
         9XXb._       _.dXXXXb dXXXXbo.                 .odXXXXb dXXXXb._       _.dXXP
          9XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXVXXXXXXXXOo.           .oOXXXXXXXXVXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXP
           `9XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX'~   ~`OOO8b   d8OOO'~   ~`XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXP'
             `9XXXXXXXXXXXP' `9XX'   DIE    `98v8P'  HUMAN   `XXP' `9XXXXXXXXXXXP'
                 ~~~~~~~       9X.          .db|db.          .XP       ~~~~~~~
                                 )b.  .dbo.dP'`v'`9b.odb.  .dX(
                               ,dXXXXXXXXXXXb     dXXXXXXXXXXXb.
                              dXXXXXXXXXXXP'   .   `9XXXXXXXXXXXb
                             dXXXXXXXXXXXXb   d|b   dXXXXXXXXXXXXb
                             9XXb'   `XXXXXb.dX|Xb.dXXXXX'   `dXXP
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                              |||||||      
                        ;;;||||||||||||       
                    ;;;||||||||||              
                  ;;;|||||                       
                ;||||                     ,,,,,,    
               ||||                    ,||''   ''||,
              ,,|||||||,,,          |||'          |||
            ,||''        '|||,,, ,,||'       &     |
            ||     &         '''.''                |
            |||,     ,,,,,,,'||','||',,,,,,,     ,|||
           ,||||||||||||||| || ,|, |||||||||||||||||||
           ;||||||||||  ,,|||||| |||||   '''||||||||||
            |||||     |||||||||| |||||||  |    ''||||
             '   || ,||||||||||  ' ||||||    |||
                   ,||''',,, ;'' ;', ,,,   |  |
                   ,, |' ;|   '  ;   '|  |' ,,
                   ;|     '           '     ;|


                                  :::!~!!!!!:.
                             .xUHWH!! !!?M88WHX:.
                           .X*#M@$!!  !X!M$$$$$$WWx:.
                          :!!!!!!?H! :!$!$$$$$$$$$$8X:
                         !!~  ~:~!! :~!$!#$$$$$$$$$$8X:
                         !~::!H!<   ~.U$X!?R$$$$$$$$MM!
                        ~!~!!!!~~ .:XW$$$U!!?$$$$$$RMM!
                          !:~~~ .:!M"T#$$$$WX??#MRRMMM!
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                        :X- M$$$$       `"T#$T~!8$WUXU~
                       :%`  ~#$$$m:        ~!~ ?$$$$$$
                     :!`.-   ~T$$$$8xx.  .xWW- ~""##*"
           .....   -~~:<` !    ~?T#$$@@W@*?$$      /`
           W$@@M!!! .!~~ !!     .:XUW$W!~ `"~:    :
           #"~~`.:x%`!!  !H:   !WM$$$$Ti.: .!WUn+!`
           :::~:!!`:X~ .: ?H.!u "$$$B$$$!W:U!T$$M~
           .~~   :X@!.-~   ?@WTWo("*$$$W$TH$! `
           Wi.~!X$?!-~    : ?$$$B$Wu("**$RM!
           $R@i.~~ !     :   ~$$$$$B$$en:``
           ?MXT@Wx.~    :    / ~"##*$$$$M~
                                   $$$$"


                .... NO! ...                  ... MNO! ...
              ..... MNO!! ...................... MNNOO! ...
            ..... MMNO! ......................... MNNOO!! .
           .... MNOONNOO!   MMMMMMMMMMPPPOII!   MNNO!!!! .
            ... !O! NNO! MMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPOOOII!! NO! ....
               ...... ! MMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPOOOOIII! ! ...
              ........ MMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPOOOOOOII!! .....
              ........ MMMMMOOOOOOPPPPPPPPOOOOMII! ...
               ....... MMMMM..    OPPMMP    .,OMI! ....
                ...... MMMM::   o.,OPMP,.o   ::I!! ...
                  .... NNM:::.,,OOPM!P,.::::!! ....
                    .. MMNNNNNOOOOPMO!!IIPPO!!O! .....
                    ... MMMMMNNNNOO:!!:!!IPPPPOO! ....
                      .. MMMMMNNOOMMNNIIIPPPOO!! ......
                     ...... MMMONNMMNNNIIIOO!..........
                  ....... MN MOMMMNNNIIIIIO! OO ..........
               ......... MNO! IiiiiiiiiiiiI OOOO ...........
             ...... NNN.MNO! . O!!!!!!!!!O . OONO NO! ........
              .... MNNNNNO! ...OOOOOOOOOOO .  MMNNON!........
              ...... MNNNNO! .. PPPPPPPPP .. MMNON!........
                 ...... OO! ................. ON! .......
                    ................................


 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 ::::::::::::::::''      '''::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 ::::::::::::''  ..#####...   ''::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 ::::::::::'  .##############.  ':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 ::::::::' .##P  """"###" 9####.  ::::::::::::::::::::::::::''   '':::::::::
 :::::::  .#####m   9###   ###### '::::::::::::''  '':::''  .md#b. '':::::::
 ::::::  .#######b   ###b  ######. ':::::::::' md##b    .md###P"" ..  ::::::
 ::::::  #########b.d####bd#######  ::::::::' d######o d###P" .md###' ::::::
 ::::::  #########################  :::::::' d### 9##b  ""   d##P"  .:::::::
 ::::::  ########################'  ::::'''.d####b "" .mmd#b  ""..::::::::::
 ::::::.  #########P""""   "#####  ::' .md########## 0###P"  '::::::::::::::
 :::::::  `######.  ..mmd######'  .:: d########P"9##b "".md#b ::::::::::::::
 ::::::::   ``###############'   .:::: 9##P"""..: "9P d#####'.::::::::::::::
 :::::::::.     ``#######''   ..:::::::....:::::::.  .  """ .:::::::::::::::
 ::::::::::::....        ...::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::



                               .o######0o.
                              0###########0.      .
                             o####" "######0.    (## m#o
                             ####(    ######0  ._ ##.##"nn
                             0####o   ###" ## (##o.######"
                     o00o.    0#####o,##. ,#"  "#######(
                   .0#####0.   0###########0     ########
                  .0#######0.   "0#########"  _.o###'"00"
                 .0###########o._ ""################       _  .
                 0####" "#########################0      .0#0n0
                 #####.   ""#####################"    _  0#####
                 0#####.     "###################._.o##o.#####"
                 "0#####..##mn ""#############################
                   "0#######""_    ""##################"#####"
                      ""####m###m      ""############"   ####
                     .########"""         .########"     "##"
                     ####"##"###o        (0######"        ""
                     "##".###,##     .o#o ""####.
                          "##"      .0############.
                                  .n##RADIUS#######

                  ##               ##  ## ## _.
            ####o ## o####   o### #### "" ####" #######. .#### ####.
            ## ## ## ## ##   ##    ##  ## ##"#. ## ## ## ## ## ##"##
            ####" ## "##"# ###"    ##  ## ## "# ## ## ## "##"# ## ##
            ##
            ##


            ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ,// //''''''//// /////// /  :::::::::::
            ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  // //________//// ////// //  ::::::::::
            ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: '// '           ' '''// ///' ::::::::::
            ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::   .mmm#########bmmm.   '//   `::::::::
            *::::::::::::::::::::::::::::' ...  """" .. "9########mm.   --  `::::::
            :*:*::::::::::::::::::::::::  dP"9##m oP"##b  ###########b. ++++- `::::
            *:****::*:::::'    '::::::::. ##m###" #bm###  ########b.    -++++- ::::
            ******:*::::   .##m. ':::::'   """".m. """" .d###########b  -++++- ::::
            **:**:*::**: % "9###b ':::' .d###########################P   ++-  .::::
            :**:*::::::: %%    "#b  ::  '#########################"   ..    .::::::
            :*:::::       " ::: ##b :::..  '######################m0  :::::::::::::
            ::::::  ``%%xx..  : ### ::::::      ####################  :::::::::::::
            ::::: mmm %%%%%%% : ###m ::::' .########"  "0""########  ::::::::::::::
            ::::  """ %%%%%'     '9# ::::  ####"         .m########m.  ''        ''
            :::  d##b  %%%  m####m # ::::  "####mmmmm################0m  xXXXXXxx
            ::::  "" .%%%  m#P ##### :::::.  "9#########P""     9######0  XXXXXXXXX
            ::  d###b %%%  9P' ##### :::::::..           ...:::  9#####P xXXXXXXXXX
            :::. """..%%%x    m###P".::::::::::::::::::::::::'  x "9#P  xXXXXXXXXXX
            :::  x%%%%%%%%%       .. ::::::::::::::::::::::'  xXXXx  xxXXXXXXXXXXXX
            :::   ''%%%%%%' :::. ###       ```::::::::''    xXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            ::::..         .::::. ##b  xXXxxxx         xxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            :::::::::::::::::::::. "  xXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXRADIUSXXXXX

				***Magic: The Gathering sympols***
				==================================

                            ..:::::::::..
                       ..::::::Yb;::::::::::..
                    .::::::::d888Yb;::::::::::::.
                  .::::::::d8P?::::Y8a::::::::::::.
                .::::::::::::::::::::?8b::::::::::::.
               :::::::::::::::::::::::::Yb::::::::::::
              ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::88a::::::::::
             ::::::::::::::::::::::::::a888??Yb;::::::::
            .::::::::::::::::::::::::a888?:::::Yb;::::::.
            ::::::::::::::::::::::a888?::::::::::Yba:::::
            ::::::::::::::::::::a888?::::::::::::::?Yb;::
            ::::::::::::::::::a888?::::::::::::::::;d8Yb:
            `::::::::::::::a888?::::::::::::::::::;d8P?:'
             ::::::::::::a888?:::::::::::::::::::;8P::::
              ::Yb:::::a888?:::::::::::::::::::::::::::
               :::Ybad88?:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
                `:::Y88:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'
                  `:::Yb::::::::::::::::::::::::::'
                    `:::Yb::::::::::::::::::::::'
                       ``:::::::::::::::::::''
                            ``:::::::::''          "Tap symbol"


                            ..:::a:::::..
                       ..:::::::d8::::::::::..
                    .::::::::::d88b:::::::::::::.
                  .:::::::::::d8888:::::::::::::::.
                .::::::::::::d88888b::::::::::::::::.
               :::::::::::::d8888888::::::::::::::::::
              ::::::::::::d888888888b::::::::::::::::::
             ::::::::::::d88888888888b::::::::::::::::::
            .:::::::::::d88888888888888b::::::::::::::::.
            :::::::::::d888888888888888888a::::::::::::::
            ::::::::::d888888888888888b:Y88b:::::::::::::
            :::::::::d88888888888888888b:888b::::::::::::
            `::::::::8888888888888888888:Y888b::::::::::'
             ::::::::8888888888888888888::Y888::::::::::
              :::::::Y888888888888888888?:d88P:::::::::
               :::::::Y88888888888888888bd88P:::::::::
                `:::::::Y88888888888888888P:::::::::'
                  `::::::Y88888888888888P:::::::::'
                    `::::::Y8888888888P:::::::::'
                       ``::::::Y888P::::::::''
                            ``:::::::::''          "Blue Mana"


                            ..:::::::::..
                       ..:::::?Y8888888b::::..
                    .:::::d8888P:::Y8888888b::::.
                  .:::::d88888b:::::Y88P::Y888b:::.
                .::::::d8P:::::::::::88::::88888b:::.
               :::::::P:d:::::::::::d??ba:d8888888b:::
              :::::::::?::::::::::::::::::::::Y8888b:Y:
             ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Y8888b:Y:
            .::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::b::88888:8:.
            :::::::::::::::::;;:::::::;;a:::::b::888888::
            :::::::::::::::d8888baaaaa88::::::)P:888888::
            :::::::::::::d8888888888888P::::::d:d88888P::
            `:::::::::::d88888888888P::::::::d8888888P::'
             ::::::::::d88888888888P::::::d8888888P::;::
              ::::::::d888888888888::::d88888888P?:dP::
               :::::::888888888888888888888888888bdP::
                `:::::888888888888888888888888888P::'
                  `::::Y888888888888888888888P::::'
                    `::::Y8888888888888888P:::::'
                       ``:::::Y8888888baaa;:''
                            ``:::::::::''          "Red Mana"


                            ..::::;::::..
                       ..:::::::::8:::::::::..
                    .::::::db::::d8b::::::::::::.
                  .::::::::88:::d888b:::::d888::::.
                .:::::::::d88b::88888:::d888P:::::::.
               :::::::::::888888P???Y88888P:::d88:::::
              :::::888ba::888P?::aaa::?Y88::d888P::::::
             ::::::Y8888888P:aad88888baa:Y8888P:::::::::
            .::::::::Y8888P:d88888888888b:Y8P:::aaaadP::.
            :::::::::::Y8P:a8888888888888a:Y88888888P::::
            ::::aaaaaaad88:888888888888888:888888P:::::::
            ::::8888888888:?8888888888888?:d888P:::::::::
            `:::????????Y8b:Y88888888888P:d88:::::::::::'
             :::::::::::ad8b:??Y88888P??:d8888b:::::::::
              :::::aa88888888ba;:???:;ad888::Y88b::::::
               :::::::::?Y888888baaaad88888::::Y8b::::
                `::::::::::d88P:88888P88888:::::::::'
                  `:::::::d8P:::8888P:::Y88:::::::'
                    `:::::P:::::888P:::::YP:::::'
                       ``:::::::Y8P:::::::::''
                            ``:::::::::''          "White Mana"


                            ..:::::::::..
                       ..:::aad8888888baa:::..
                    .::::d:?88888888888?::8b::::.
                  .:::d8888:?88888888??a888888b:::.
                .:::d8888888a8888888aa8888888888b:::.
               ::::dP::::::::88888888888::::::::Yb::::
              ::::dP:::::::::Y888888888P:::::::::Yb::::
             ::::d8:::::::::::Y8888888P:::::::::::8b::::
            .::::88::::::::::::Y88888P::::::::::::88::::.
            :::::Y8baaaaaaaaaa88P:T:Y88aaaaaaaaaad8P:::::
            :::::::Y88888888888P::|::Y88888888888P:::::::
            ::::::::::::::::888:::|:::888::::::::::::::::
            `:::::::::::::::8888888888888b::::::::::::::'
             :::::::::::::::88888888888888::::::::::::::
              :::::::::::::d88888888888888:::::::::::::
               ::::::::::::88::88::88:::88::::::::::::
                `::::::::::88::88::88:::88::::::::::'
                  `::::::::88::88::P::::88::::::::'
                    `::::::88::88:::::::88::::::'
                       ``:::::::::::::::::::''
                            ``:::::::::''          "Black Mana"


                            ..:::;;;:::..
                       ..:::::d88888b::;;:::..
                    .:::d88bad8888888::88888b:::.
                  .::d88888888888:?88:888888888b::.
                .::d8888888888888a:88888888888888b::.
               :::d8888888888888888888888888888888b:::
              ::::8888?88888888888888888888888888888b::
             :::ad8??:a888?8888:888888:888888888888888b:
            .:d8888a888888a:?88:88888?:8888888888888888:.
            ::)8888888888888a88888888:a8888888888888888b:
            ::888888888888:???888888888??:::888888888888:
            ::Y888888888888sss:8888888aaa8888888888888P::
            `::???::::::::::::888888888:::::::::::::::::'
             :::::::::::::::::888888888:::::::::::::::::
              ::::::::::::::::888888888::::::::::::::::
               :::::::::::::::888888888:::::::::::::::
                `:::::::::::::888888888:::::::::::::'
                  `:::::::::::888888888::::aa:::::'
                    `::::ad8888888888888888P::::'
                       ``::??Y888888888P??::''
                            ``:::::::::''          "Green Mana"


 
                                        ccc  c  c  ccc
                                         $   $cc$  $==
                                         $   $  $  $cc
          =ccr=    ========================================================  _,r====c,
           )$F     =cc= ,z=""?b, `$c.     3$"    "$$" "$P" "3$" "$c,    "$" cP"     `$
           )$F      $$ zP      ?b $F?b,   3$      $$,/"     3$   $"?c,   $ z$         
           )$F      $$<$F       $>$F  ?b, 3$      $$C       3$   $  "?c  $ $$     ,,,,
           )$F      $$ ?b      z$'$F   `?bJ$      $$`"c,    3$   $    "?c$ `$L      $$
          ,J$L,,,c" $$  "b,..,cP' $L     `?P      $$   ?b,  3$   $      "$  `?c,,.,,P"
          `""""""' `""'   """"   `""      `'     """"  """ `""' """      "    `"""""
                                         . , ,
                                      \,c$$P??i?=,
                              ,d$$"zd$$PF?i<$$$i$$$$c
                              $$$"d$$$Lh$?CJ$$$$$$$$$$c
                              `$'cc`$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$r.,
                               F`,,"?$$$$$$$P",ccc"$$$$$ $$$$c
                              ,'="`"J$$$$$$",;,,"$L?$$$$`$$$$$
                             .$b,_,c$$$$$$'/"`?$c $ $$$FJ$$$$"
                             )$$P:-`?????'.    ?".? "",,`"?"
                          .,."$$$$c,,,,,c$$$bcc-,z$$$$$$$$,
                      ,c$$$$$$c`?$$????$$$$$$",$$$$$$$$$P",
                    ,$$$$$$$$$$$,";chhcJ$F"`"<c,"??"',cc,$$
                    `$$$$$$$$$$$$ ?$$$$$ ,!!!<$"d$$>$$$$>P"
                    4,"?$$$$$$P""d ,,"""".'''."-3$$L<$$F,;!
                    `$$`cccc,<$$$'J$$$$ !!!!!!!'---->;;!!
                      "-$$$$P`??",$$$$$P';;;;!!!!!!!!!!!
                      <>;;;;<!!',$$$$$$L'!!!!'''''<!!!!!
                       ((,;;;!:<$$$$$$$$$c;;;!!!!!!!!!!!
                      `!!''''' d$$$$$$$$??cccc ccccc`!!!>
                       ::!!!! $$$$$$",cchhhcF"J$$$$$ !!!!;
           z4$ $e   ,ccc,``',d,c cb-,"?$$$$$$c`$$$$$ <!!!!>
          $$4$L"??, 4$$$$$.$P $$'$P,$$,?$$$$$$$$$$$F  `!!!!!
          )P.,c$$$c4c"$$$FJ$,b`P-?,$$P" $$$$$$$$$$$     ``'!!!,
          ".$$$$$$$,"c3$$F<$$ cd$$$c c$>$$$$$$$$$$P        `<!!!;,
            "$$$$$$$ $ $$$<$$,?$$$$$;?$b?$$$$$$$$$           `!!!!>
              "$$$$$ $ $$$.?$$,?$$$$F<$$<$$$$$$$$F             `!!!!!;,
               `$$$$,$ $$$>,"?? $$$$F<$$<$$$$$$F                `!!!!!!>;,
                ?$$$ $P"  `!!!!>?$$$>d$P<$$P"                     <!!!!!!!>;,
                 "$"."     `!!!>`$$$,$$-,ccr"                      `!!!!!!!!!!!>,
                            !!!;<$$'dF  $$F                          <!!!!!!!!!!!!;
                            !!!!,` "    $F                            `!!!!!!!!!!!!!;
                            !!!!!!!>    $                              `<!!!!!!!!!!!!!
                            !!!!!!!!    `             ..nnnMMhnnr.dz.- !><!!!!!!!!!!!'
                            !!!!!!!!!                )MP"',,`"?'.,,,.  !!,!!!!!!!!!!>`
                           <!!!!!!!!!!,           .nMMM.$$$$$hh$$$$$$$ !!!!!!!!!!(`!!>
                            ,!!!!!!!!!!>         nMMMMM'?``))"$"``))`?>!!!!!!!!!!!'  <
                             ,,!!!!!!!!!!,       """MMMP:-=<))<.,,J;): !!!!!!!!!!
                              ``'!!!!!!!!!! .     ,r"',c$c=:::,,`""=: ;!!!!!!!!',
                                  `<!!!!!!!> "MMMMf<$$P""--,c$$$$$$$$F!!!!!!!!!;MMn,
                                    `'!!!!`.MMMMMP .:,cF:: $$$$$$$$$$"!!!!!!!! MMMMM,
                                      ``!  .MMMM c.::':::: $$$$??$$P' !!!!!!!'4MMMML"
                                        `'JMMM",c'`:',c`:',$$$",dr"xP,!!!!!!!,MMMMMM>
                                         .MMM"c$F,d$$$bc$$P",c$$"dMM !!!!!!! dMMMM4Mb
                                          M>.""" $$$$$$P",c$$$$F,MMP'!!!!!!!,MMMMM  "
                                          "M,?$$$ccccccP??",nnnMMMM !!!!!!!>dMMMMM>
                                           )Mn`???????,dMMMMMMMMMP <!!!!!!!>MMMMMMM
                                           MMMMbbnMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM !!!!!!!!! MMMMMMM
                                         dMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM <!!!!!!!!'JMMMMM>4
                                        4MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,!!!!!!!!! MMMMMMf
                                        `MMM"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"'!!!!!!!!!!,MMMMM'
                                         MM' MMMMMMMMMMMMMMP,u;';!!!!!!!',MMMP)\
                                         MM  )MMMMMMMMMMP,"JMM'!!!!!!!! d4MM\ '
                                        ,M'  ' 4MMM MMf4 MMMMM'!!!!!!!> F4M"
                                        '      `MM'i`M ,dMMMMM !!!!!!!!.F"
                                               d`P,M,>dMMMMMMM !!!!!!!!:F
                                               4bnMMMMMMMMMMMMb`!!!!!!!<F
                                               `MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMb`!!!!!!`$
                                                "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,`!!!!! $,
                                                 4MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,<!!!!>"$
                                                  `TMMMMMMMMMMMMMMx`<!!!,"b
                                                    `4MMMMMMMMMMMMMMx`!!!,`b
                                                      "TMMMMMMMMMMMMMMn`<!,"?,
                                                         "T4MMMMMMMMMMMMx`<!,??>
                                                            `"4MMMMMMMMMMM.<!!>>\,
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         WIZA.:::'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM           MMMm             MMMMMMMMM           .AD
         WIZA:::'mMMMMMMMMMMMMM                 MMM         mMMMMMMMMM            ARD
         WIZ.:::mMMMMMMMMMMM             M        MM       mM  MMMMMM            ZARD
         WIZ:::'MMMMMMMMMM              mMMm       MM     mM     MMM            M:ARD
         WI.:::MMMMMMMMM               mMMMMMm      MM   mM        M          mM::.RD
         WI:::'MMMMMMM                mMMMMMMM       MM mM  mM              mMM`:::RD
         WI:::mMMMMMM                mMMMMMMMM        MMM  mMMMM         mMMMMMm:::.D
         W':::MMMMMM                mMMMMMMMMMMM          mMMMMMMM   mMMMMMMMMMM:::`D
         W:::'MMMMM        mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MM        mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`:::D
         i:::iMMMM      mMMMMM     MMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMi:::D
         z:::IMMM"    mMMMMMMM      MMMMMMMM                            MMMMMMMMI:::)
         a:::iMMM   mMMMMMMMMMM     MMMMMMMM                             MMMMMMMi:::D
         r:::`MMM  MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM                            MMMMMMM,:::D
         d`:::MMm mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  MM               mMMMm      MMMMMMMM:::,D
         W`:::mMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM    MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM       mMMMMMMMm:::.D
         WI:::`MMMmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM            mMMMMMMMMM        mMMMMMMMM,:::RD
         WI`:::MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM           mMMMMMMMMM          MMMMMMMMM:::'RD
         WIZ:::.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM          mMMMMMMMMM           mMMMMMMMM':::ARD
         WIZ`MMMMM"""       ""MMMMMMM         mMMMMMMMMM             MMMMMMMMm:::'ARD
         WIZA"                    "M        mMMMMMMMMM              mMMMMMMMM'::'ZARD
         WI"                              mMMMMMMMMM                MMMMMMMM,::.IZARD
         W  ZAMMMm                      mMMMMMMMMM                  MMMMMMM,:::'IZARD
         WIZARD`::Mm                  MMMMMMMMMM        mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,:::'WIZARD
         WIZARDW`:::M              mMMMMMMMMMMM     mMMMMMMMM      MMMMMMMm::'DWIZARD
         WIZARDWI`::MM          mMMMMMMMMMMMMM   mMMMMMMMMMM             MM:'RDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZAM MM      mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  mMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmMMM:ZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZA   Mm   mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM" mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM'::::'IZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZ     M mMM.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMm mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.::::'DWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWI    DWMm`::::"MMMMMMMMMMMMm MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM".::::'ARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDW   ARDWIZAR`:::::."MMMMMMMMMmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM".:::::'WIZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDW  ZARDWIZARDWI`:::::::.""MMMMMMMMMMMM"".::::::::'RDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDW  ZARDWIZARDWIZAR`::::::::::::::::::::::::::'WIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZAR``::::::::::::::''IZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD

           "Wizard"

            ____________________________________________________________
           |      /)      /)         |      _ ___ _  _   ___ _  __      |
           |  /) //    /)//       () |     ( ` / /| /_)   / /_)/_ /_/   |
           | /||// _  ////_  _  _ /  |    __) / /-|/ \   / / \/__/ \    |
           |  /,| /,)/////,)/ )/ )/) |           _  _   _      _ __     |
           | //||( ///////////////,| |    /|/| /( `( `// )/|/  _) / /   |
           |(/ ||/\_(_((_/( /( //\_) |   / ' |/__)__)/(_// /  /_ / /    |
           |   |_)      __//_//      |                                  |
           |                  _      |                           /|     |
           |  /\ |||| /\  /\ | \     |                          /||     |
           | </\>|||||/\>|/\|||\|    |\                        //||     |
           |  \  ||||||  |L||||/|    |\\       _.--"""""""--. // ||     |
           |   \ ||||||T||  || /     | \\   .="              "=, ||     |
           | <\/>|\/||\/|||||||\     |  \\,'                   ``.|     |
           |  \/  \/  \/ ||||||\>    |   ,                        :     |
           |                         |  .                          :    |
           | /\ |\ /| /\  /\ || />/\ |  : aMIttti==iii+iii+=;,      :   |
           |</\>| V ||/\||/\>||//</\>|  : BMMMWWWMMMBXVVYYi=;,      :___|
           | \  || |||L||||  |'/  \  |  : BBMMWWMMMMBXXVYIi;;:,,    :.__|
           |  \ ||V|||  |||  |.\   \ |  t XIBMMMMMBRXVi+==::;:::    ',  |
           |<\/>|| |||||||\/>||\\<\/>| At VY+=+IIMBi=:,,=i=;::::,    ;. |
           | \/ || |||||| \/ || \>\/ | YX=VI+=,:=WB;:::=,,::;;:;:   ;;' |
           |_________________________| VMiRtItIRBWR:.tXVVYtiI==;:  ;;Y: |
           |    //                     `XIWMMBBMRMBi;,XXRRXXVYt+;; ;A;' |
           |   //                       ViWWMBBBBBY;;,XRRRXXVi;;;:,;;;  |
           |  //                        `VMMMMWBMMY;=+XRRXVYI;:;;:,C;   |
           | //    SPACE ENERGY COMES    XRBMMMYYV+,:;XRXXIt+;:;+,+;;   |
           |<<                           `RRBMMBYt;:::+VXVi=;;:;=+;;'  /|
           | \\     FROM SUGAR SMACKS     BRBBBMMRRIttYYYY=;;;;;==;   //|
           |  \\                          VRRRRRRRXVYYttit=:::::=;   // |
           |   \\       _____              YRRRXVIYiit+++i=:;::;==  //  |
           |   //      /|===|\             +RRXIIYVI;i=;=t=;:::;:; <<   |
           |  //       || _ ||\             RRXVYi+==;;=iY;::::,;;  \\  |
           | //        ||/ \||O)            `XRXVVVYItitII=::;,::;   \\ |
           |//        [|( @ )|/]             `VRRBBXVYYIti:::,:::;    \\|
           |<         `||\_/|| |              IYVYYYIti+=:,,,:::;;     \|
           |\\         ||   [] |              IVI==;;;:,,,,Jittlov\    /|
           | \\       ,vMMR""b c,            /   "=;;;;="""        \__//|
           |  \\      VVMM$;;; $;;        __/                    __/ // |
           |   \\    ;AVMMM,,,:MM;   __---  \              ____--   <<  |
           |    \\   :VMMMn;;;IAM;_--    ,   \__________---          \\ |
           |     >>  `AMMMM,,,iCV;      /|                            \\|
           |    //    `VMMnn;;"Y",     /@|              _  _  _  _     \|
           |   //      YVMM,,,;;;     /_ |             ( `/_)/ )/ `/_/  |
           |  //       YVMMM;,,;;    '~ \|        _   __)/  (_/(_,/~\   |
           | //         YVMV;;;;:    __  `      _(_)                   /|
           |//           IMMm'__ ___(__)____   (__)_)                 //|
           |========      ___(__)_((_)_(__)_)_(_))_)_)_              << |
           |      ||    _((_((__)__(_(__(__)__)(__)_(_))      FREE    \\|
           |      ||   (__)((_(__)_))_(__)_((__)_((__)"))              \|
           |      ||   \================================/  STAR TREK    |
           |      ||  ''\______________________________/                |
           |      || //  \                            /      BADGES     |
           |      ||//    \__________________________/       ______     |
           |      | /      \            _           /                   |
           |   10 1/2 oz SIZE          (c) Paramount Pictures Corp 1969 |  
           |____________________________________________________________|  



                ..       .=IIVRRXYt+,,++|=,,.,,.=VVi+|i;=+IXX,  .     .
               .,,,,..|ItVRRRtI==::iYt,,    .     ... .:.  ,=i|:I;:.   
              .,;=RXX;,IMMRX|,.;.   . .                     ,,,,,=YVXXY|:.
              .:||i+=XRRi=:, ,,.;,.,                              .,,...  ,.
             .;++tiVIVtRRY,,     .,                                    , .   
             .;||tRXRRRX,:.                                                  
            ..:tYYRRRRt:                                                      
            ..|VVYiY=+:,.    .      . . .,.  :::;;,,..                         
             .;|I;=..:tXX;:i: .+IYYYIi||iIitIIIii|||=;...                       ;
             .=t=...:RRMMMRi|VYXRRRRRXRRRYVYYVtItiIi+;;;..                     .|;
             :I+:.,:RMMMRt=YRRMRRRRRMRRRRRXVVYYtIIii++=,.                       .=.
            ,:+|t;+MRRRX|YMMRMMRRMMRMRRRXRVVXVVtYYIIi||::                        .:.
            ,+=.,=MMMRIVRMMMRMMRRRRRRRXXVXVVYVVttttt||++.                         ..
           +t+:.+MMMMMRMMMMMMMRMRRXRXRXRXXXRXYtt|i|||=+,.                          .
           ,,.,tRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMRRXRRRRXVYVXYtIiYIiI+=: .                           
           .: ,iMRMRRMRXRRMMRMRRRRXRRRRXRXXRVYYttt+;,.                              
           .,.,|XRRRRRRRMMMMMRMRRMRRRRRRRRRRRXRYii=:.,. ..                          
           .,. :VMRMMMMMRRXRRRMMRMXRRRRXRRRRXYY++==::,,... .                        
          . ;. :YRMMRRRXtI++;|VRRMMMRRRRRVttt|;:=,:::,,,,.  .                       
           .,. :XMXYt+:.    .,+++tXXXRRRt+..                                        
             , ;X;  :=YYti;:;,;=|IYVVVtIi:        ,|==,.                            
            .;,Ii;;|iii+:,..:==;|YVXXXVY,        ==;,,:..                           
             ::Y=|=,    ,  , ,,;+IYRRXY+      =. :                                  
             .=Xt=  ..;.|.++|||YVXVRXVt,    .+VVVViI. ;.                           .
             .YRXVVYi|itVt|++||VYVVXVY+.    iYt|IIIi=:.                             
           ..:VMRRMRXRXVVttYXXRRVXXVYi=.  ,;;=tVYYiiiii|;;,:,,;:         =          
            ,+MMMMMMRMRMMRMRVXVYYVXVti;  .,:,=||tttttii|i|=|;;...                  
            ,=RMMMMMMMMMMMMRRYXYVXVVI+.    :,=iYYtY|IYittI|i+=..                  
            ,|XRMRRRRMMMMMMMRVtVXVVIi=,     :i|iYVXXXYYIiI=+.,                   
            .=IXRMRMMMMMMMMRYIXRRMVY=,       +VVYYVXVVYIII|=...                 
           ..:tXXXRMMMMMMRVXXVVVVXt=:,   ,.   =YXVXXXVXYIt+:                   
            .:;ttVVRRMMRRttVI=..i;;..          .|YVVtIII||:.                  
           ..,;|tYtXRRXYttXXXXYiii,             ,iiVYII|+.,                  
             :==IYXVXXVVVRXXYVYXRRYYiIt+:;,;,:;:;=++ii|;:,.                 
           .,;++iItVVXXXXVYYtVVRRXYYYVti|=.,:.,: ...,;::; .  .             
          ..==i||tVYVVVVYYYtYVVXRXYVXVVi+=;=,:,,,    ,:;;:,...            .
          .:;|+I;|YVIYViiiIVVVVtIYI||++;;;,.  .,.....  .: .               ,
          .,;=+t||ItVYYI+:;;==,  ..,..   .        .,,,.,:.                :
          .,;iii+;+iIVi++|tVII|, .;=t=::;=i;.     =|==:=.                 .
           .,:||+;;=+YttVVVIYVRRRRRXXRRYi++:;... :+Yi+;,                  .
           :;+iiIi=;||YXXXXXtVttiiI+i|:;:,; ,;,,;+Iii;,                   :
         i ,=+|i+|=::=itXVXXVVti+;=|::,,,,,;++||i==,:                     =
         MR ,=|||=:::;|tYVYXXVXVtYYII+=+++;+IYY|=,, .                     ;.
         RRR+.+||++;,:;+IYYVVXXXRXVXXVVItiIiItt+:                         ;;
           .;=||+|=;.,.=iIYRXRXXRRRXXXVYtV|itt|;.                         ;=
          .,,=+|+=:,:   .+IYYVVYVRXRRRXY|+;++=;.                          :+,
           .,:+=;;;,;..  ,+=ItItYYYItVt|=;.,                              .+I:
           ,;;==;=;:::.. .YYI+=+;==:==;,.                                  ,.      .
           .,=;+==.,|     tYIi+++.                                                 .
            .;=:;tRR=     iXtiii||;;.                                              ,
            :|XRRRXX=      iYtt|Iiii=+;.                                            
         RRRRRXVtYYYi.      :ItIYY|=i||;+=;:.                                       
         tVXVtt+iYVVYi,       ,itYIiit||:;:,.                                       
         itYVVttIYYtIII;         .+iVYYIi+=,,.., ,=:,                             ,=
         YVXVYtiItI+|iI|,                                                      ,=::+
         tttYYiIXYi|Iii|i|                                                ,+==+=+:,+
         XtIIiYXVti|itIItI|.                                           .+||=.,:::..|
         =:;ItVIIi|+iIIIi:                                          .+++|+|;=,:===|I
         +iYVYYii|it|i|=,    . .                                 ,+==,:,=;;+;;:;=;;I
         =iIYttII|++iii|;  ..                                 :+;=+=:;,,:=;;=;;=;==i
         +IiItttItiittYi;..  .                            :|||+++=i|++=:;;+++||_c_JE

           "Kirk"     -Jens Ehlert



                      OOOOOOoooooo                        oo  111111111111111111111111
                      OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooOOOOOO 111111111111111111111111
                      OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 111111111111111111111111
           |         OOOOOOo`OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 111111`ooo`1111111111111
           Oo       OOOOOOOOOoo~~~OOOOO~OO~OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~~o 1'ooo OOOOO`111111111111
          OOOo      OOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo~~~~oOOOOOOOo~~~~~oooOO'11 OOOO OOOO,11111111111'
          OO~OOo    OOOOOOOOO~~o   oo~OOOOOOOOOO'o~o   oo~OO 11 OOOO OOOOO`111111111'O
          OO~o~OOo   OOOOOO~oOOoooooo~oOO~oOOOOOO OoooooOOoO 11 OoooO OooO,111111111 O
          OoOO~o~O,  OOOOOOOOOOOOOO~oOOOOOOOOOOOO Oo~OOOOOOO 111`OOOO OOOOO 1111111'OO
          OO~o~oOOOo  OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO 111 OOOOO OOOOO 111111 OO
          OO  OoOOOOOo ~OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOO 111 OOOOOO OOOOO`1111'OOO
          OOOoOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~OOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO'11111`OooOO OooOO,1111 OOO
           OOOOOO~OOOOOOOOo~OOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO 11111 OOOOOO OOOOO 111 OOO
          1 ~~~~oO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo'~~~OOOOOO OOOOOO'1111111`OOOOO OOOOO,11'OOOO
          11  OOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~oOOOOOOooooooOOOOOO'11111111 OOOOOO OOOOO`1 OOOO
          11  OOOO OOOOOOOOOOO OOOO'oOOOOOOOO OOOOO`OO'ooo,`111111 OOooOOoOOooOooOOooO
          11 OOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOO'OOOOOOOOOO~ OOOOO`O OOOOO`11111 Ooo~ooOOOOOOO~OoOOo
          11 OOOOOo~OOOOOOOOOOOOO'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO`O OOOOO`1111 OOOOOOooooooOOOOooo
          11 OOOOOOOo~OOOOOOOOOO'OOOOOOooooooooooooOO O OOOOOO`11'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
          1 ,`OOOOOOOOo~OOOOOOOO OOOOOoooooooooooooOOO'11`OOOOO`1 OOoo ooooOOOooooo~~o
          1@@ @~OOOOOOOO~OOOOOOOOOOOooOOOOOooooOOOOOoO 111`OOOOOo,OOOOOo~OPhoeniO~oOOO
           @@ @@ @ @~OOOOoo~~OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'1111OOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOOO'OOOOO
          @@ @@ @@ @@ @@@~OOOoo~~OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO',11111OOOOOOOo~OOOOOOOOOOO'OOOOOO

           "Spock"    



                                                .
                                         (_____/I\_____)
                                          \\\\\_X_/////
                                      .(__I__I~*^*~I__I__).
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                                        |      //   S$$$$$$TuaXiong$$$$$s,.
                                         \_  _/      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                           \/



                           . . ...
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          :::::..       "YTl995PPPT77"      ..:::::::::::::  "Candle"
          :::::::::...                 ...:::::::::::::::::
          ::::::::::::::::.........::::::::::::::::::::::::  



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          |||||.   ###              //_____\ \//   ||    \\/       ::  ::||
          |||||||  ###              ~~|     ~~\____/~\_.-~~  :::       ::||
          |||||||| ###                `.                              ::|||
          |||||||||||||.   |          ||                               :|||
          ||||||||||||||||||          |||                     : ___   ::`||
          ||||||||||||||||||          `||:: `._             _.-':::::::::||
          ||||||||||||||||||           |||||   `-._     _.-'       ::::::|'
          ||||||||||||||||||           |||||::     `\/~'              ::|'
          |||||||||||||'   |           `||||:        \                  |
          |||||||  ###                  ||::::        |                 |
          |||||/~~~~~~~~~.              `||:::         |               |'
          ||||   /\   /\  `.             ||::::         |              |
          ||| :  ~~ II~~ :  |            ||:::::        |             |'
          ||  : ________ :  |            `||:::::       |             |
          ||    \##_#_#/   .'             |||:::::      |             |
           \| ____________'
                                "The Executioner"


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            ] Y  ||        ||  Y [       \___\_--_ /_/__/
            |  \_|l,------.l|_/  |       /.-\(____) /--.\
            |   >'          `<   |       `--(______)----'
            \  (/~`--____--'~\)  /           U// U / \
             `-_>-__________-<_-'            / \  / /|
                 /(_#(__)#_)\               ( .) / / ]
                 \___/__\___/                `.`' /   [
                  /__`--'__\                  |`-'    |
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            /\//\\(  `--~~ )                 _l       |--:.           "Pinky And
            '\/  <^\      /^>               |  `   (  <   \\           The Brain"
                 _\ >-__-< /_             ,-\  ,-~~->. \   `:.___,/
                (___\    /___)           (____/    (____)    `---'   




        ?????????????????????????????????????? . ######################################
        ?????????????????????????????????????  %  #####################################
        ????????????????????????????????????  %*:  ####################################
        ???????????????????????????????????  %#*?:  ###################################
        ?????????????????????????????????  ,%##*??:.  #################################
        ???????????????????????????????  ,%##*?*#*??:.  ###############################
        ?????????????????????????????  ,%###*??*##*???:.  #############################
        ???????????????????????????  ,%####*???*###*????:.  ###########################
        ?????????????????????????  ,%####**????*####**????:.  #########################
        ???????????????????????  ,%#####**?????*#####**?????:.  #######################
        ??????????????????????  %######**??????*######**??????:  ######################
        ?????????????????????  %######**???????*#######**??????:  #####################
        ????????????????????  %######***???????*#######***??????:  ####################
        ????????????????????  %######***???????*#######***??????:  ####################
        ????????????????????  %######***???????*#######***??????:  ####################
        ?????????????????????  %######**??????***######**??????:  #####################
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        ????????????????????????   '%####*:'  %*:  '%*????:'   ########################
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        ?????????????????????????????????  ,%##*??:.  #################################
        ???????????????????????????????  .%###***???:.  ###############################
        ??????????????????????????????                   ##############################
        ???????????????????????????????????????*#######################################

          "Spades"     


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        ^8 7888^        [87888 87 ^877i;i8ooooooo8778oooooo888877ii; iiiiiiii788888888
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                       87;i8 877;77888o ^877;;;i7888888888888^^ 7888 78iii7iii7iiii
                       ^87; 877;778888887o 877;;88888888888^ 7ii7888 788oiiiiiiiii
                         ^ 877;7 7888888887 877i;;8888887ii 87i78888 7888888888
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                        [87;88 778888888888888887       7ii78888888 788888888888
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                        '7;788 778888888888888]         [788888888 78888888888'
                        ';77888 78888888888888          8888888888 7888888888]
                         778888 78888888888888          8888888888 7888888888]
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                           7888 788888888888]          88888888888 788888888]
                            778 78888888888]           ]888888888 778888888]
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                                  ,7;78888888          [;;i788888 7888888888]
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                            "Imperial Stormtrooper"   88888888888888888888888888
                                                      ]8888888^iiiiiiiii^888888]
                                                        iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
                                                            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^



        +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        | |       |\                                           -~ /     \  /          |
        |~~__     | \                                         | \/       /\          /|
        |    --   |  \                                        | / \    /    \     /   |
        |      |~_|   \                                   \___|/    \/         /      |
        |--__  |   -- |\________________________________/~~\~~|    /  \     /     \   |
        |   |~~--__  |~_|____|____|____|____|____|____|/ /  \/|\ /      \/          \/|
        |   |      |~--_|__|____|____|____|____|____|_/ /|    |/ \    /   \       /   |
        |___|______|__|_||____|____|____|____|____|__[]/_|----|    \/       \  /      |
        |  \mmmm :   | _|___|____|____|____|____|____|___|  /\|   /  \      /  \      |
        |      B :_--~~ |_|____|____|____|____|____|____|  |  |\/      \ /        \   |
        |  __--P :  |  /                                /  /  | \     /  \          /\|
        |~~  |   :  | /                                 ~~~   |  \  /      \      /   |
        |    |      |/                        .-.             |  /\          \  /     |
        |    |      /                        |   |            |/   \          /\      |
        |    |     /                        |     |            -_   \       /    \    |
        +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        |          |  /|  |   |  2  3  4  | /~~~~~\ |       /|    |_| ....  ......... |
        |          |  ~|~ | % |           | | ~J~ | |       ~|~ % |_| ....  ......... |
        |   AMMO   |  HEALTH  |  5  6  7  |  \===/  |    ARMOR    |#| ....  ......... |
        +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
                  "From the people who gave you VI - NEW Ascii DOOM!" 






                                     ...,ooooooooo......
                               .o8888888888888888888888888o.
                           .o888888888888888888888888888888888o.
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                       o88888887"8"  "   V888  88888888888888888888o
                     o88888888            V     888888888888888888888o
                    o888888888                   888888888888888888888o
                   .88888888888                  88888V"  "V88888888888.
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                   88888888888v                  8888v  v88 888888888888
                   888888888888                  88888v  "88888888888888
         "Swan"     88888888888V                  V88888v  "88888888888
                    88888888888v                            "8888888888
         ____________8888888888888v.........................v888888888_____________
         :::::::::::::::::::::::::'                         :::::::::::::::::::::::
         :::::::::::::::::::::::                .:::::::    .::::::::::::::::::::::
         ::::::::::::::::::::::                 :::::::  .:::::::::::::::::::::::::
         :::::::::::::::::::::                  ::::::  ::: :::::::::::::::::::::::
         :::::::::::::::::::::.                 ::::::. :: .:::::::::::::::::::::::
         ::::::::::::::::::::::                 :::::::.  .::::::::::::::::::::::::
         :::::::::::::::::::::.           .     :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
         :::::::::::::::::::::          :::.   ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
         ::::::::::::::::::::::.::.:: :::::::.:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
         ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Meindert+Stewart::::::




          .             -)------+====+           . "Red Five standing by."     .
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         +      -)-----====   `.   `.   .                  .
            .          -)-------+====+     . 









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         888888888888888888TTTIIIiIIITTT888888888888888888888888888888888888888TTTIiITT
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         8888888888888888888TTIIITT8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888TTTTIiiITT
         88888888888888888888TTTTT88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888TTTIIiiITT
         T8888888888888888888TTT88888888888888888888888888888888888T8888888888TTTIiiiITT
         TT8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888TT888888TT888888888TTTTIIiiiITT
         TTT88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888TTT8888TTIT8888TTTTTTIIIiiiiITTP
         TTT888888888888888888888888888888888888888TTTTTTIITTTTii8888TTTIIIIIiiiiiiIITT
         TT88888888888888888888888888888888888888888TTIIIIIIIiia88888888TTTTTIIiiIIITTP
         T8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888TTIIIiiii8888888888888TTTIiITTTTT
         8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888TIiiii88888888888888TTIIiiITTTP
         8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888TIiii888888888888888TTTIIiITTT
         8888888888888888888TTT888888888888888888888888TIii88888888888888888TTTIiITTP
         88888888888888888TTTTT888888888888888888888888Tii888888888888888888TTTIiITT
         88888888888888888TTTTT88888888888888888888888Tiii88888888888888888TTTIiITT
         8888888888888888TTTTTTT8888888888888888888888Tii88888888888888888TTTIiITTP
         T88888888888888TTTTTTT8888888888888888888888Tiid88888888888888888TTTIITTT
         TTTTTT8888888TTTTTTITT8888888888888888888888Tii8888888888888888TTTTIITTT
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         88888888888888888aaa::::iIITTTTTTTTTTIIIIii::888888888888888TTIiiITTT
         888888888888888888888888aaa::::::iiiiiiii:::T888888888888888TTIiITTT
         T8888888888888888888888888TTTTTTTaaaa:::::::TT888888888888TTTIiITTT
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         TTTTTTTTTTTT8888888888888888888888888888888TTT8888TTTTTTTTTIITTTP
         :::::TTTTTTTTTTTTT8888888888888888888888888888T888888TTTTTTIITTT
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         TTTTTTTTTTIIIIIiiiiii::::::TTTTTTIIIIIITTTTT88888888888TTTTTTT
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                    .+~                :xx++::
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"Meriday in the Morning" by Mike Jittlov.

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Subject: SNOWWHITE
From: mark.van.hooren@onlinesys.com (Mark Van Hooren)
Date: Wed, 21 Dec 94 15:00:00 -0500

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     HHHP:_nnnn   .nn.HHP                     `-. `.         :   .-~
     `HH|:~~@ >) (- @>|P                        :. `.        :  :
      |^|:       :    |      %::$$HHHHHnn        `._:      .'  :
      :`|:       |    :    $$$$H$HH$HH$HHHHn        ..     :  :
       ~|:.   ((_))  .:  $:$$H:::H:HH:HHHHHHHb     :  `  _:  '
        ::`.   ~ ~   ': $:$:$H):(::: :  ~HH$HHn     -. ~~  .'
         ::   -~-~- . 'H$::$H((: : :  '   HH:H$       :   :
         `::   ~~~  '/ H$$$$H\: )`  `      H$H$      .'  :
         .|::..__..-~|HHDrSH:)_..._   .===.H$HH$    .' _ `.
       _/::::::      HHH$HHH: . _ .:  . _-.:HHH$   .' : `.`.
    ..::|:::::_    _HHHHHHHH: ` ~ '   ` ~-':H$$$H :  .'  : `.
 .:::::::|::../XxxX\.HHHHH^|:              :H::::H .-'    : `.
:::::::...|../\XXXX/\HHHHH\:::      ._)    :HH$$$H :       : `-.
:..........|/..\XX/..HHHHHHn::`.          ':HHHHHH ;       :    :
...............|XX|.HHHHHHHH$:     .=-=.   :HH$HH :        `.   :
...............XXXXHHH$HHH$HH::    `...'  .$HHH$H$'          :   :
...............XXXHHHH$HH:$HH$::.       ..H$HHHH$H          '.    :
..............|XXXHHHHHH$$HHH$H:::..   .':HHHHH$H$n--.   .---'     `.__.--.
..............|XXXXHHHHHHHHH$HH:::::~~~ :HHHHHHHHHHHn :  :                 :
..............|XHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:::    :HHHHHHHHHHHHHHn   -.___.-.___..DrS.'


    THE VEX FILES  #1                    /-_-/-  \
        _                               ///--_-\\\\
       /-\.-.                           |// " \\\\|
      //=" \\\                          \/__ __\///
     /=/_  _\=                           \-/ /- |/
    //| ,  ,/=              .---.  ) )   // /   .)
   / /C   \ \ \       ( (  /_  _ \      |(__)\ /|
   |  |   "  | |           \\></ /      |_---'__/
   \\_\\_ ^ ///             \"  /      _/ \--'/ \__
    ___/ \-/\___         ___/\~/\___  / | // /\ |  \
   /    \/\\/   \           \    \   /  |/|| \_\|  |
   \  \_  \\   \ \           \_/_/\ /  / ||| _\  | |
    \ ==\-._..-| |           / |\  /  /|/ ||  \\ | |
     \  """_.--" /         _/ _| \   / || \/    \| |
     /`--""\"---"                 `-'  ||=======|/ |
    / /_/  /\ \\                       |\  .   /\_/
    \_____/  \__\                      |/| |_  \_/|
     \        /                        |:|  |   |\|
     /________\                        |:|  |   |:|
        \ ) )                          |:|  |   |:|
        / |/                           |:|  |   |:|
       .\ |                            |:|  |   |:|
      /\/_|                             "|__|___|"
     /_ |  \_                           _.' |' |
       \_\\__\                         (___(___)

  Mouldy fails to impress Scurvy with his new evidence
         _..._                                 ___ ___
      _."     "._      THE VEX FILES  #2      /-_-/-  \
   .-"/         \"-.                         ///--_-\\\\
 ."   -.__   __.-   ".                       |// " \\\\|
 \       /"""\       /                       \/____ \///
 \"-._  /\___/\  _..--.                       /-) -  |/
  "-._""-/___\-""_/    \    .---.             \/    /.)
  _/  ""-\___/-"" \    /   / _  _\            (_)    |__
         /___\     \ _/o o \ \><// o           \--'__| /
         \___/   o  / \\  \ \  "/ /        .---`-'.__./\
            ___   \/\  \   \/\o/\/       .'/"\_/""      \
           /   \     \_/    \   /      .'__| /           |
          /   \ \    / \_    \_/     .'/ /  /   /   |    |
      ___/__n__\/   _\   `   / \    c-+----'   /    |   / \
     / /  / *:              _\  \_  E_|____   /\   ___ /--'
    o  \_/) ::#  ..                  \\\\  """         \ /
       | \o :%4*:.                    \\ \              |
      _/ /_``:%:'.                     |\  \          / |
                                       | /             /
                                       \  /      |   \ \
    Mouldy reveals the real            /  _____   ____  \ DrS.
    reason for the long               `--"\  \ """\  \"-'
    raincoats.                             \  \   _\  \
                                        .__/--|  ( `--|
                                       (___.__|   `|__|
                      (   (            )  )   _____ ____
THE VEX FILES  #3      \_               _/   ///=- \-=- \  .------------.
         ___           ( "--         --" )  ///|==\//=\\ \ | It must be |
        /---\\--.       ( (      )    ) )   ||//==\//=\\\\\| demonic    |
       // /==\/-\\      \_     (       _/   \\\/     \\\|||| posession. |
      ///=/     \ \     ( "--    )  --" )    \/ _  __ \///|`-. .--------'
     |_/=/ ._  _.\=      ( (   )     ) )      \"\  /"-.\|//  |/
     / /=   ." . /=\     \_   (  (    _/      /`/ /`   ||/   '
    / / /     \  \\ \    ( "   (  )  " )     / /       .)
   | /|(.     "   || |    )(  ))) )) )(      |(__.)\  /|
   \  \\|    /-\  |/ /  __\ (()(((()( /__  _ |  ___,   |  _
    \\_\\\_  `-' /_//  |.-'   """"""  `-.| \"-\  - ____/-"/
     "   /\`\___/|/\   ||   -._ .-.     ||__\|/`---' /\| /____
   _..--'\ \  .  / /--.||   -._| | |    ||   \\ \ _ / ///     "\
  /       \_\---/   *. ||   -._|"|"|    || .*  \_/ \_///__      |
 |        \  \ /      .||   -._|.-.|    ||.      \_/ /   /      |
 |   |     \  /    *.  ||_______________||  .*   / \|   /   Y   |
            \    *.  . /.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_\ .     | ||  /    |   |
   DrS.             . /.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-._\\ .*        /         |
                  *. /.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.\ .*
             ( (    /_____/___________\___o_\    ) )
                    \_______________________/

               Scurvy suspects a more mundane reason
               for the self-destruction of her laptop.


                                                  ___ ___
                                (             )  /-_-/-  \
  THE VEX FILES  #4                 _  _        ///--_-\\\\ .---------.
                                 ) /--/-\     ( |// " \\\\| | Woah... |
                                  /// "=\\      \/-' `-\/// | Look at `--.
                                 (=/_,._\=\    ) \^/ /^ |/  | the little |
                                 )=\_  _ |\\  (  // /   .)  | grey dude  |
                                 / / /   )\ \  )|(__)\ /| ._| go!! .-----'
                    .--------.  | (  "   |  |  *====\\__/ `--------'
                    | Tshyaa |   \*==\\_//_//  _/`- c \ \_
                    | right. |_.  _/\c \-__   / | // \/\| "\
                    `----------' / \//\/\  "\ | |/|| \  \  |
                                //  \\ \ \/ / || ||| _\  \ |
                               / \_. \\_\  /  ||/ ||  \\  '|
                               \ \\  //  \//  ||| \/    \__/
            .---.               \_/  /     \  ||\=======| |
  .---.    /_  _ \       .---.  /// /\  \_\ \ /|/| .   \|-|
 / _  _\   \\></ /      /_  _ \ /__/_ \_____/ \|:| |_   | |
 \ \><//   \\"  //      \\></ /   \        /   |:|  |   |\|
  \  "/     \\7//        \"  /    /________\   |:|  |   |:|
  _\^/       /  \         \^/_      (_(_ /     |:|  |   |:|
 //  \\_     \__/       _//  \\      | | )     |:|  |   |:|
  \__/  \     \_\__    /  \__/       | | / DrS  "|__|___|"
   \ \   ".          ."    / \      _/_/-|      _.' |' |
   /_/_    "--....--"     _\ /_    /_/__/|     (___(___)



 THE VEX FILES  #5             .-"""-.__.-"""-..__..-"""-.__.-"""-.
                              /                _  _                \
                             /                /-\/-\                \
                            (                /// "=\\                )
                          _  \              /=/_  _\=\              /
                         (_)  )             )=\. '. |\\            (
                      _      /              / / /   )\ \            \
                     (_)    (         _..--| | ___  |  |-.._         )
                   _         \      ."  _.-"\\\`-'_//_//._  ".      /
      ____ ____   (_)         )     `._ ""-..__\-'/__..-"" _.'     (
     //=- \-=-  \            /         "-._   -.  .-   _.-"         \
    ////=\\/==\\ \          (     .--.  ___\\        //__   .--.     )
   //|//=\\/==\\||           \   '""\ \/o_o\/  .__.  \/ o\_/o/""`   /
   ||||//     \///            )      \o_/ \_o_/"__"\__o/\_o_/      (
   |\\\/  _  _ \/            /   .--.   ____/  "__"  \___    .--.   \
    \|/.-"\  /"/            (   '""\o\_/o__o_/ "__" \_o_o\__/ /""`   )
     ||  --\ \-\             \      \_o_/  \          / \_o_o/      /
     (.       \ \             \                               DrS  /
      |    (.__)|              "-.___.-""-.__.-"""-.__.-""-.____.-"
    _ |  /.___  | _
    \"-\___ - _/-"/        Mouldy likes to fantasise about Scurvy naked.
   __\ |/\`---'\|/___
        \ \__/ /

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DALnet Auto Identify and Auto Op mIRC script

You may think all it’s needed to shut up NickServ when you login on DALnet is putting a /nickserv identify password or /msg nickserv@services.dal.net identify command in the [File > Options > Perform] panel of mIRC… well… actually, it would. As in a perfect world there would be no wars nor poverty nor starvation, but NickServ isn’t perfect (ChanServ isn’t as well, that’s why we are going to speak about him as well, later), so you need to prevent all those situations which may determine NickServ to forget you identified some time bfore, and kicking you to a shameful status of Guest*****.

We’ll explain here how to get rid of these unpleasant situations with a script, not too long, not too short, not perfetc as well, but there is room for betterings.

You can use this addon to load the script instead of writing the lines yourself. Faster, easier, no conflicts with other scripts. Instructions are included in the TXT file, follow them. If you want to edit the script yourself, or just know how it works, continue reading (suggested).

(Note) The script has been lately updated to be more reliable in avoiding the flood of services. In some cases it c0uld, especially if you registered 4 nicks or more, lead to many repeated identification requests, up to making the services upset. Once I even got banned by an IRCop, so I finally decided to put my hands on the old code.
The comments to these upgrades aren’t in the paragraphs below, but what they do is adding another procedure to request both the identification and the ops instead of doing it directly. This procedure checks on a flag (one variable allocated for each nick and each channel), and if the flag is unsetted it requests either the identification or the ops, then sets the flag, which avoid successive repeated requests to be accepted. The flag is unsetted after 60 seconds, making it possible to request identification or ops again.

The messages you see NickServ sends you when you join, telling you "This nick is owned by someone else…" "If this is your nick…" "Password accepted for…" are called "notices". You’ll set a listener for notices coming from NickServ and containing specified patterns of text, so to act depending on what NickServ wants from you.

Enuf talking, let’s come to action:

on *:CONNECT:{
  /dcc packetsize = 4096
  /pdcc 2147483647
  /fsend on
  /joinall
}


on 1:START:/timerIdent 0 40 /ident

on *:NOTICE:*:*:{
  if (($pos($strip($1-),Password accepted for,1) != $null) && ($nick == NickServ)) {
    //if $pos($strip($1-),YourMainNick,1) != $null) {
      /timer 1 20 /autoop 
      /nick YourMainNick
    }
    goto bother
  }
  if (($pos($strip($1-),This nick is owned by someone else. Please choose another.,1) != $null) && ($nick == NickServ)) /id
  if (($pos($strip($1-),Your nick has been changed to Guest,1) != $null) && ($nick == NickServ)) {
    /id
    /nick YourNick^_^
  }
  if ((($pos($strip($1-),You do not have access to op people on #YourChannel.,1) != $null) || ($pos($strip($1-),#YourChannel is operated by ChanServ,1) != $null)) && ($nick == ChanServ) && ($me !isop #YourChannel)) /id
  :bother
}

where /joinall /autoop /ident
and /id are aliases defined as:

/joinall {
  /join #channelone
  /join #channeltwo
  /join #channelthree
  ...
}

/autoop {
  /timer 1 0 //chanserv op #ChannelOne $me
  /timer 1 5 //chanserv op #ChannelTwo $me
  /timer 1 10 //chanserv op #ChannelThree $me
  ...
}


/ident {
  //if (($me == YourNick^_^) || ($me == YourAltNick) || (Guest isin $me)) /nick YourNick

}

/id {
  //if ($me != YourNick) /timer 1 0 /nickserv ghost YourNick yourpassword
  /timer 1 5 /nickserv identify YourNick password
  /timer 1 10 /nickserv identify NickTwo password
  ...
}

Those lines must be added to the Remote and Aliases panels in mIRC (the on CONNECT, on START and on NOTICE must go in the Remote Panel, the /joinall /autoop /ident and /id must go in the Aliases Panel), accessible pressing the buttons and . Check those panels for other occurences of the routines. If you find there’s already an on CONNECT and/or on START and/or on NOTICE in the Remote Panel, you may have installed a script like Polaris, i², Siralop, Invision, or another script (in this case, if you don’t know what that part of the script does, better not to mess, simply stop reading this page and wait to be more acquanted with scripting), so you need to modify/extend the routines adding the lines; if you instead did those scripts yourself, you should know how to modify them properly. In the same way, if there are already aliases named joinall autoop and id in the Aliases Panel, follow the same directives (don’t touch anything if you don’t know what it is, or modify the aliases as you need).

 

Obviously you need to change YourNick, YourChannel, yourpassword with the real ones. "YourMainNick", if you own more than one nick, is the nick, you are operator with, in your channels; if you own only one nick, simply put that one. "YourNick^_^" is your actual nick with a "^_^" after it (supposing it is not registered), so to make you have a real nick while you wait for nickserv to confirm your identification; "YourAltNick" is the nick you wrote as "Alternative" in the mIRC [File > Options > Connect] panel.

The "…" must not be included, but you can add or remove other similar lines in case you are op in more channels or own more nicks. The delayed commands (/timer 1 …) are needed to avoid to flood services which may ignore you if you issue too many requests all togheter (just keep adding the right amount of seconds for each line you add).

In the main script, where you see the lines "You do not have access to op people on #YourChannel." and "#YourChannel is operated by ChanServ" you should write the name of the channel, you are op in, that you join last.

The additional commands on the on CONNECT script should accelerate DCC sends, I suggest you to leave them there.

 

You didn’t get the hidden meaning? Ok, let’s explain what this script does. It waits for NickServ to ask you to identify, then sends the identify command(s); when you are identified, it asks chanserv to op you in the channels you are operator in, and repeats asking this until chanserv does op you. Whenever nickserv or chanserv forget you are identified and operator, it re-issues the identify and op commands, and in the dreaded case nickserv is badly lagged, and you get renamed to Guest, it gives you another temporary nick, until the identification is done. In the case you get disconnected by peer, and you reconnect while you ghost is still "online", it waits for nickserv to confirm the identification, and if your current nick is different from your usual one (that is, the ghost is already using it, and you are named after your alternative nick), it issues a kill ghost command.

“Yo momma is so” jokes, fat, stupid, ugly, short, hairy, nasty, skinny, old, poor, smelly

[top]Yo momma is so fat…

  1. …the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
  2. …when she weighs herself the scale says "To be continued…"
  3. …when she sits on a dollar, blood rushes out George Washington’s nose!
  4. …she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth!
  5. …her belly-button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
  6. …when she walks in front of the T.V. you miss out on 3 commercials!
  7. …people jog around her for exercise!
  8. …she makes big bird look like a rubber duckie!
  9. …she plays pool with the planets.
  10. …it took 25 minutes to download a picture of her from the Internet.
  11. …the telephone company gave her two area codes!
  12. …when she ran out into the road in front of me, I tried to swerve round, but ran out of petrol.
  13. …that after sex I rolled over twice and I was still on the bitch.
  14. …the Goodyear blimp accidently flew into her mouth!
  15. …when you get on top of her your ears pop!
  16. …she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
  17. …when she wears a yellow raincoat, people shout "Taxi!"
  18. …when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions
  19. …her feet need license plates!
  20. …that she has to use a VCR for a pager.
  21. …she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
  22. …NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
  23. …when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
  24. …she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
  25. …she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagon!
  26. …whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
  27. …she got to iron her pants on the driveway
  28. …when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.
  29. …when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
  30. …when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
  31. …"Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
  32. …at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
  33. …after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week.
  34. …even her shadow has stretch marks.
  35. …a picture of her fell off the wall!
  36. …Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
  37. …all the restaurants in town have signs that says: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mamma"
  38. …every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
  39. …her ass has it’s own congressman.
  40. …all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
  41. …her belt size is the equator.
  42. …her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
  43. …her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
  44. …her driver’s license says "Picture continued on other side."
  45. …her nickname is "Damn."
  46. …her tailor takes her measurements in light years.
  47. …her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
  48. …her college graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
  49. …her skates went flat.
  50. …her blood type is Ragu.
  51. …I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
  52. …if she got her shoes shined, she’d have to take his word for it!
  53. …I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her.
  54. …instead of Levi’s 501 jeans, she wears Levi’s 1002’s.
  55. …I saw her in New York, and when I told my friend in LA, he’d seen her too.
  56. …NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the ozone layer.
  57. …last time she went to Sea World Shamu got a hard on.
  58. …I saw a picture of her in a magazine on page 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
  59. …if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
  60. …I gain weight just by watching her eat.
  61. …on a scale of 1 to 10, she’s a 747.
  62. …she bungee jumped and went straight to hell.
  63. …she could sell shade.
  64. …she don’t eat Wheat Thins, she eats Wheat Thicks.
  65. …she can’t stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
  66. …she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn’t change.
  67. …one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.
  68. …she can’t tie her own shoes.
  69. …she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
  70. …no one can talk behind her back.
  71. …she eats cereal out of a satellite dish.
  72. …she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it’s-coming-towards-us!
  73. …she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.
  74. …she had to roll over 4 times just to get an even tan.
  75. …she don’t wear a G-String, she wears an A, B, C, D, E, F, G-String.
  76. …she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole.
  77. …she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
  78. …she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
  79. …she fell off a boat and the captain yelled "Land Ho!"
  80. …she has to get out of the car to change gears.
  81. …she wakes up in sections.
  82. …she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone.
  83. …she went on a light diet… As soon as it’s light she starts eating.
  84. …she’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
  85. …she’s on both sides of the family.
  86. …the body snatchers called home for backup.
  87. …she’s moving the Earth out of its orbit.
  88. …she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
  89. …she wears an asteroid belt.
  90. …she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.
  91. …she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub.
  92. …she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
  93. …she masturbates reading cookbooks.
  94. …she needs a road map to find her ass.
  95. …she made weight watchers go blind.
  96. …she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
  97. …she sat in Big Foot and made it a lowrider.
  98. …she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Seattle, NY.
  99. …she makes Free Willy look like a Tic-Tac.
  100. …she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big.
  101. …she sat on a rowing machine and it sank.
  102. …she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
  103. …she sat on the corner and the police came & said "Break it up!"
  104. …she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to "Get the fuck off."
  105. …she uses a mattress for a maxi-pad.
  106. …she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H d.
  107. …she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number.
  108. …she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out.
  109. …she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Please step out of the car."
  110. …she sat on a dollar and made change.

[top]Yo momma is so stupid…

  1. …at bottom of application where it says Sign Here – she put Sagittarius.
  2. …when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino.
  3. …I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail.
  4. …I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.
  5. …I taught her how to do the running man and I haven’t seen the bitch since.
  6. …her shirt says TGIF- tits go in first.
  7. …her shoes say TGIF- toes go in front.
  8. …I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
  9. …her idea of safe sex is locking the car doors.
  10. …that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
  11. …if brains were gas she wouldn’t have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Fruit Loop.
  12. …it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
  13. …on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.
  14. …she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.
  15. …if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you’d get change.
  16. …she asked you "What is the number for 911".
  17. …she asked for a price check at the dollar store.
  18. …it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
  19. …if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
  20. …if brains were dynamite, she wouldn’t have enough to blow her nose.
  21. …she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
  22. …she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
  23. …she died before the police arrived because she couldn’t find the "11" button in "9-1-1"
  24. …she gave your uncle a blowjob ’cause he said it’d help his unemployment.
  25. …she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s.
  26. …she got fired from a blow-job.
  27. …she got a part time job painting skittles.
  28. …she fell up the stairs.
  29. …she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses.
  30. …she can’t make Jello because she can’t fit 2 quarts of water in the box.
  31. …she got hit by a parked car.
  32. …she had Dan Quayle check her spelling.
  33. …she jumped out the window and went up.
  34. …she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.
  35. …she ordered her sushi well done.
  36. …she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald’s and said "Hold the cheese."
  37. …she married Yo daddy.
  38. …she invented a solar powered flashlight.
  39. …she got shot running to the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial.
  40. …she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.
  41. …she put a peephole in a glass door.
  42. …she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept.
  43. …she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.
  44. …she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
  45. …she sold the house to pay the mortgage.
  46. …she stands up on an empty bus.
  47. …she sold the car for gas money.
  48. …she said "what’s that letter after x" and I said Y she said "Cause I want to know".
  49. …she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum.
  50. …she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gum ball to come out.
  51. …she studied for a blood test and failed.
  52. …she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass.
  53. …she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
  54. …she thinks socialism means partying!
  55. …she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.
  56. …she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest.
  57. …she thinks stereotype is the brand on her clock-radio.
  58. …she thinks sexual battery is something in a dildo.
  59. …she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg’s holiday album.
  60. …she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.
  61. …she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.
  62. …she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.
  63. …she thought she could get food stamps at the post office.
  64. …she thought meow mix was a record for cats.
  65. …she thought hamburger helper came with another person.
  66. …she thought asphalt was a skin disease.
  67. …she thought menopause was a button on the VCR.
  68. …she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.
  69. …she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center.
  70. …she thought a quarterback was a refund.
  71. …she wouldn’t know up from down if she had three guesses.
  72. …they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade.
  73. …when her husband lost his marbles she bought him new ones.
  74. …the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth.
  75. …she wiped her ass before she took a shit.
  76. …she was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin’ "Free Lays!"
  77. …she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed.
  78. …she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.
  79. …she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
  80. …she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
  81. …she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
  82. …she thought the Internet was something you catch fish with.
  83. …she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
  84. …she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.
  85. …she tried to drown a fish.
  86. …she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.
  87. …she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jiff.
  88. …she took lessons for a player piano.
  89. …she told everyone that she was "illegitimate" because she couldn’t read.
  90. …she thought Thailand was a men’s clothing store.
  91. …she tried to drown herself in a carpool.
  92. …she tried to mail a letter with food stamps.
  93. …she tried to steal a free sample.
  94. …she tried to throw a bird off a cliff.
  95. …she used a vibrator for an egg beater.
  96. …she tripped over a cordless phone.
  97. …she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.
  98. …she tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone.
  99. …she tried to melt squeeze Parkay.
  100. …she tried to insult you and started with "Yo mama’s so…"

[top]Yo momma is so ugly…

  1. …even a blind man wouldn’t have sex with her.
  2. …her dentist treats her by mail-order.
  3. …her pillow cries at night.
  4. …even the elephant man paid to see her.
  5. …her shadow quit.
  6. …her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
  7. …her face is closed on weekends!
  8. …Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant.
  9. …even the tide won’t come back in.
  10. …even Bill Clinton wouldn’t sleep with her.
  11. …I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.
  12. …I can fuck her in any position and its still doggy style.
  13. …I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."
  14. …if you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would be next to it.
  15. …it looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym.
  16. …if she were a scarecrow, the corn would run away.
  17. …instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.
  18. …I took her to the zoo and the monkeys said "Damn, how’d you get out so fast."
  19. …I have to watch your sister undress just to calm down.
  20. …her shadow ran away from her.
  21. …it looks like she’s been bobbing for French fries.
  22. …people go as her for Halloween.
  23. …roaches go "Hi mom!"
  24. …she could be the poster child for birth control!
  25. …she can’t even bare the thought of fucking herself.
  26. …Rice Krispies won’t talk to her.
  27. …she can look up a camel’s butt and scare the hump off of it.
  28. …people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don’t get stolen.
  29. …just after she was born, her mama said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let’s go bury it."
  30. …it makes me wish birth control is retroactive.
  31. …she didn’t get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit with the ugly log.
  32. …she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.
  33. …she could scare the flies off a shit wagon.
  34. …she has a sign in her yard that says "Beware of Dog."
  35. …she could scare the moss off a rock!
  36. …she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror.
  37. …she could only be Yo mamma.
  38. …she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.
  39. …she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
  40. …she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
  41. …she has to creep up on her makeup.
  42. …she has to trick or treat over the phone.
  43. …she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork.
  44. …she looks like you.
  45. …she makes onions cry.
  46. …she entered the ugly contest and the judge said, "Sorry, no professionals."
  47. …she makes blind children cry.
  48. …she looks like she’s been in a dryer filled with rocks.
  49. …she has to get the baby drunk to breast feed it.
  50. …she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning.
  51. …she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.
  52. …she threw a boomerang and it wouldn’t even come back.
  53. …she was a guard for Castle Greyskull.
  54. …that if ugly were an Olympic event, she would be the dream team.
  55. …the doctor is still smacking her ass.
  56. …she’s never seen herself ’cause the mirrors keep breaking.
  57. …she pretends she’s someone else when she’s having sex.
  58. …she’d scare the monster out of Loch Ness.
  59. …she tied a pork chop around her neck and the dog still wouldn’t play with her.
  60. …she scares roaches away.
  61. …yo dad first met her at the pound.
  62. …that if ugly were a crime, she’d get the electric chair.
  63. …that when she was a baby, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot.
  64. …when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"
  65. …that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
  66. …when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
  67. …yo daddy tosses the ugly stick and she fetches it every time.
  68. …she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
  69. …yo father takes her to work just so he doesn’t have to kiss her good-bye.
  70. …when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
  71. …the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
  72. …the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
  73. …they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
  74. …they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
  75. …the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train.
  76. …they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!
  77. …the kids call her Lassie
  78. …they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
  79. …the Pro-Lifers would make an exception in her case.
  80. …the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it.
  81. …they rub tree branches on her face to make ugly sticks.
  82. …when she cries, tears run down the back of her neck.
  83. …when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks.
  84. …when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains.
  85. …when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes.
  86. …when she masturbates she gets arrested for cruelty to animals.
  87. …they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty.
  88. …when she gets up, the sun goes down.
  89. …we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation.
  90. …they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
  91. …when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.
  92. …when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows.
  93. …when she was born the doctor smacked everyone.
  94. …when she went camping, the park ranger was like "Hey Yogi!"
  95. …when two guys broke into her apartment, she yelled "rape" and they yelled "NO!"
  96. …when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border.
  97. …when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her.
  98. …when she was born the doctor looked at her ass, then her face, and said "Twins!"
  99. …when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.
  100. …when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes.

[top]Yo momma is so short…

  1. …she poses for trophies.
  2. …when she sneezes, she hits her head on the floor.
  3. …she can limbo under the door.
  4. …she does pull-ups on a staple.
  5. …she can do push-ups under the door.
  6. …she don’t roll dice, she pushes them.
  7. …when I was dissin’ her she tried to jump kick me in the ankle.
  8. …she can play handball on the curb.
  9. …she has to cuff her underwear.
  10. …I’m nuts over her.
  11. …she uses a condom for a sleeping bag.
  12. …her homies are the Keebler Elfs.
  13. …her best friend is an ant.
  14. …she can hang glide on a Dorito.
  15. …she needs a ladder to pick up a dime.
  16. …she can do backflips under the bed.
  17. …she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.
  18. …she be jumping off curbs talkin’ bout "Weeee!"
  19. …she broke her leg jumping off the toilet.
  20. …she can sit on a dime and eat off a nickel.
  21. …she has to reach up to tie her shoes.
  22. …she’s afraid to get off the carpet alone.
  23. …she’s a teller at a piggy bank.
  24. …she tried to commit suicide with a pin.
  25. …she can take a bath in a thimble.
  26. …you can see her feet on her driver’s license.
  27. …she had to stand on three phonebooks to blow yo dad.
  28. …she doesn’t have legs, she has feet growing out her ass.
  29. …she can surf on a popsicle stick.
  30. …she can suck my dick standing up.

[top]Yo momma is so hairy…

  1. …she looks like Bigfoot in a tank top.
  2. …her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.
  3. …she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on.
  4. …they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
  5. …when I took her to a pet store they locked her in a cage.
  6. …she has afros on her nipples.
  7. …when she went to Remington and said "Shave this!" the salesman died laughing.
  8. …if she could fly she’d look like a magic carpet.
  9. …when she goes to the circus the bearded lady protests against non-union workers.
  10. …Bigfoot took a picture of her.
  11. …she’s a stunt double for Chewbacca in Star Wars.
  12. …she shaved her ass and she disappeared.
  13. …she spread her legs and said, "We’re going to Bush Gardens."
  14. …if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.
  15. …she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.
  16. …she has dreadlocks on her back.
  17. …she shaves with a weedwacker.
  18. …her breasts look like coconuts.
  19. …people run up to her and say "Chewie, can I get your autograph?"
  20. …you almost died of rug burn at birth.

[top]Yo momma is so nasty…

  1. …a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.
  2. …her tits give sour milk.
  3. …I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.
  4. …she bought her boyfriend kneepads for Christmas.
  5. …she calls Janet "Miss Jackson."
  6. …she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."
  7. …she bit the dog and gave it rabies.
  8. …she breeds crabs.
  9. …I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
  10. …her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.
  11. …she made Right Guard turn left.
  12. …she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.
  13. …she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.
  14. …they call her Norelco… Home of the triple head.
  15. …when she did the splits, she stuck to the floor.
  16. …she’s got more clap than an auditorium.
  17. …she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.
  18. …she pours salt water in her drawers to keep the crabs alive.
  19. …she made Speed Stick slow down.
  20. …she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

[top]Yo momma is so skinny…

  1. …she only has one stripe on her pajamas.
  2. …she can dodge rain drops.
  3. …she can see out the peephole with both eyes.
  4. …when she wore her yellow dress, she looked like a #2 pencil.
  5. …if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue, she would look like a zipper.
  6. …if she had a sesame seed on her head, she’d look like a push pin.
  7. …she looks like a mic stand.
  8. …she turned sideways and disappeared.
  9. …her nipples touch.
  10. …I could blind-fold her with dental floss.
  11. …if she had dreads I’d grab her by the ankles and use her to mop the floor.
  12. …you can save her from drowning by tossing her a Cheerio.
  13. …her pants have one belt loop.
  14. …she can hula hoop in a fruit loop.
  15. …if she had a yeast infection she’d be a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
  16. …I gave her a piece of popcorn and she went into a coma.
  17. …she had to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.
  18. …when she takes a bath and lets the water out, her toes get caught in the drain.
  19. …she has to run around in the shower to get wet.
  20. …she has to wear skis in the shower.

[top]Yo momma is so old…

  1. …her memory is in black and white.
  2. …she drove a chariot to high school.
  3. …she has a Jesus Starter jacket.
  4. …she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
  5. …she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
  6. …she used to baby-sit Yoda.
  7. …she DJ’d at the Boston Tea Party.
  8. …she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.
  9. …she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.
  10. …Jurassic Park brought back memories.

[top]Yo momma is so poor…

  1. …she can’t afford to pay attention!
  2. …when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers!
  3. …her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
  4. …she drives a peanut.
  5. …when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
  6. …she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on layaway.
  7. …she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
  8. …she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin’?" She said, "Buying luggage."
  9. …your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
  10. …when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

[top]Yo momma is so smelly

  1. …the only dis I want to give her is a disinfectant.
  2. …she made her Right Guard call for backup.
  3. …a blind man walking by her asked "How much for the shrimp platter?"
  4. …next to her a skunk smells sweet.
  5. …that her shit is glad to escape.
  6. …she was playing in a sand box and a cat came along and buried her.
  7. …when she spreads her legs I get sea sick.
  8. …she made Right Guard go left, Speed Stick slow down, and Ban come off strike.
  9. …when you were being delivered, the doctor was wearing the oxygen mask.
  10. …even dogs won’t sniff her crotch.

Quotes by Groucho Marx

  1. I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.
  2. Marriage is a wonderful institution…if, of course, you like living in an institution.
  3. I know, I know, you’re a woman who’s been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten your brakes, but you’ll have to stay in the garage all night.
  4. Althought it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
  5. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
  6. It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
  7. Blood’s not thicker than money. I cannot say that I do not disagree with you.
  8. Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
  9. She’s afraid that if she leaves, she’ll become the life of the party.
  10. You’ve forgotten those June nights at the Riviera… the night I drank champagne from your slipper–two quarts. It would had been more but you were wearing inner soles.
  11. I drink to make other eople interesting.
  12. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
  13. Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
  14. Now there’s a man with an open mind – you can fell the breeze from here!
  15. There is only one way to find if a man is honest…ask him. If he says ‘yes’, you know he is crooked.
  16. Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
  17. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
  18. There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit…retire!
  19. You get a canoe later and I’ll paddle you.
  20. Room service? Send up a larger room.
  21. Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.
  22. I’ve had a perfect wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.
  23. Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
  24. Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
  25. My mother loved children—she would have given anything if I had been one.
  26. I’d horsewhip you if I had a horse.
  27. He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
  28. I’m going to Iowa for an award. Then I’m appearing at Carnegie Hall, it’s sold out. Then I’m sailing to France to be honoured by the French government. I’d give it all up for one erection.
  29. From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
  30. A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
  31. Ice water? Get some onions – that’ll make your eyes water!
  32. Go, and never darken my towels again.
  33. Time flies like an arrow. Time wounds all heels. So just what ARE time flies, and why do they fly like an ARROW?
  34. Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me?
  35. "Mommy, mommy! The garbage man is here!" "Well, tell him we don’t want any!"
  36. Who are you going to believe, me or your lyin’ eyes?
  37. Behind every succesful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
  38. A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.
  39. Remember man, you’re fighting for the lady’s honour; which is probably more than she ever did.
  40. Oh are you from Wales?? Do you know a fella named Jonah?? He used to live in whales for a while.
  41. Look, if you don’t like like my parties, you can live in an huff. If it’s too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. If you can’t find that, you can leave in a taxi.
  42. Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
  43. We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren’t developed… But we’re going back next week.
  44. I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy.
  45. I was married by a judge. should have asked for a jury.
  46. If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
  47. I’ll never forget my wedding day… they threw vitamin pills.
  48. I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
  49. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
  50. Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
  51. In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
  52. I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip.
  53. I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago… I shot my broker.
  54. As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
  55. "Do you believe in computer dating?" Groucho:"Only if the computers really love each other"
  56. Groucho:"How did you met your wife?" "A friend of mine" Groucho: "Do you still regard him as a friend?"
  57. "She kicked me under the table" Groucho:"Really?? And did you remain there?"
  58. "Oh, it’s right on the edge of my tongue" Groucho:"Well, stick your tongue out"
  59. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
  60. She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
  61. I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I’d rather dance with the cows till you come home.
  62. I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
  63. I’m not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
  64. Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
  65. If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
  66. Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!
  67. A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
  68. Women should be obscene and not heard.
  69. I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
  70. My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.
  71. You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
  72. You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.
  73. It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.
  74. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
  75. Groucho:"So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?" "Yes, thirteen." Groucho:"Thirteen! Good lord, isn’t that a burden?" "Well, I love my husband." Groucho:"Lady, I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."
  76. I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
  77. Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
  78. Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.
  79. Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
  80. I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.
  81. Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?
  82. I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.
  83. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
  84. There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.
  85. Groucho:"How much am I paying you folks?" "Five thousand a year. But we’ve never been paid!" Groucho:"Well in that case I’ll raise it to eight thousand."
  86. Why don’t you bore a hole into your head and let the sap run out?
  87. Well, Art is Art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh… Now you tell me what you know.
  88. "I’m a big fan of yours, Groucho." Groucho:"If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan."
  89. "This is a gala day for you." Groucho: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don’t think I could handle any more."
  90. You’re heading for a breakdown. Why don’t you pull yourself to pieces?
  91. Groucho: "Well whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married?" Woman: "All of us? But that’s bigamy!" Groucho: "Yes, and it’s big-a-me too."
  92. I’ve been around so long I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.
  93. If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don’t come running to me.
  94. Budget: a way of going broke methodically.
  95. Whatever it is I’m against it.
  96. A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
  97. I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately, the resemblance doesn’t end there.
  98. How do you feel about women’s rights ? I like either side of them.
  99. Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!
  100. Mrs. Teasdale: "He’s had a change of heart." Groucho "A lot of good that’ll do him. He’s still got the same face."
  101. Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put ‘Emily, I love you’ on the back of the bill.
  102. To Margret Dumont: "I can see you and I married. I can see you bending over the stove. I can’t see the stove!
  103. Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn’t time to dig trenches. We’ll have to buy them ready made.
  104. Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
  105. Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
  106. Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

An efficient antispam and away autoreply script for mIRC

I add or update my scripts as it become needed. So, an antispam script is one among the first I did, since, no matter what channels you lurk in, there’s always a lamer sending ads of websites, channels, whatever.

An antispam script does nothing else that recognising some specified patterns in a query window, and ignoring it if it has the appearance of spam.

Briefly, you can download this addon to load from mIRC instead of adding the lines yourself. Instructions of use, along with possible changes you may need to make, are included in the TXT file itself. If you want to edit the lines yourself, or just want to know how the script works, continue reading.

The event in mIRC which triggers the opening of a query window is on OPEN, and the following lines will show how to use it:

on 1:OPEN:?:*:{....

The "?" specifies that the event will trigger only query windows, and the "*" specifies no particular text matches for now (we are going to include all the matches in the body of the script).

My script does 4 things: check if the messaging nick is an operator in one of the channels I am in, and in this case does not filter the message, otherwise it will be processed. If the user who sent you the message is in none of your channels, the message is ignored by default. If it is all ok, another procedure checks if I am away, and in that case tells the nick that I may not be at the computer, or, if it’s late, that I also may be sleeping. If the message is recognised as spam, the window is closed, and a minimized log window is open (if it doesn’t already exist), where you can check the supposed spam messages you received, so to correct te script if some of them weren’t spam.

Here’s the full text script (note: this script works under mIRC v5.9, don’t know about older versions):

on 1:OPEN:?:*:{
  var %Ghost
  set %Ghost 1
  var %Cnt
  set %Cnt 1
   :Loop
  //if ($nick isop $chan(%Cnt)) goto allok
  //if ($ialchan($nick,$chan(%Cnt),1) != $null) set %Ghost 0
  inc %Cnt
  //if (%Cnt < = $chan(0)) goto Loop
  //if (%Ghost == 1) goto absent
  if ($strip($1-) == hello,) goto lamer
  if ($strip($1-) == hello) goto lamer
  if ($strip($1-) === hi) goto lamer
  if ($strip($1-) == hallo) goto lamer
  if ($strip($1-) == holla) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),#,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),j o i n,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),how are you,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),how are u,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),www.,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),slm,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),asl,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),gamez,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),leech,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),join,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),plz come,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),pls come,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),/server,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),www.cheatos.com,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),serv,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),click here,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),xguest,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),/server,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),check out my pics,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),check my pics,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),http://,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),sex,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),porn,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),we need,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),chat,1) != $null) goto lamer
  if ($pos($strip($1-),Matches for,1) == 1) goto Results
  goto allok
  :absent
  /query $nick Not in any of my channels. Message ignored.
  /close -m $nick
  goto end
  :lamer
  /query $nick This message's been detected as an invite/whatever else, so this window is being closed. My script can't be 100% accurate, so sorry if it's not your case.
  /close -m $nick
  //if ($window(@lamerz,1) == $null) /window -n @lamerz
  //aline -hp @lamerz 9 [ $time ] 7 < $nick > 8 $1-
  goto end
  :allok
  //if ($away == $true) {
    //if ($asctime(H) < 9) //query $nick [Automated Response] It is $asctime(H:nn) $+ $asctime(tt) here, and I am away ( $+ $duration($idle,2) idle), so I may be sleeping.
    else //query $nick [Automated Response] I am away ( $+ $duration($idle,2) idle). I could answer you if I'm here and the speakers are on ;-)
  }
  :end
}

HTML doesn't allow easy indenting, but when you'll copy/paste this in your mIRC/Remote panel, accessible by pressing the button , and then press the [OK] button, it will be automatically indented.

Important: check if your Remote Panel already contains an [on *:OPEN:?:...] event. In this case, either you did that script, so you don't need me to tell you how to modify it, or you had another script installed, like Polaris, Siralop, Invision, whatever and it probably includes an antispam routine itself, so you don't need this guide.

How you can customize this script:

  • Add new keywords: if you notice that some spam doesn't get filtered, you can add the peculiar words in it to the list, just by copying a line and substituting the keywords. For example, if they open a query window which starts like this: "Hello <yournick>," (while nobody usually opens such query windows just to chat), simply add a line like "if ($pos($1-,Hello <yournick>,,1) != $null) goto lamer" among the others.
  • Specify detailed patterns: you can also check case sensitive keywords. For example, if your nick is JoE^ and you want the above keywords to be case sentitive, put the same line, but substitute "$pos" with "$poscs" so it will become "if ($poscs($1-,Hello JoE^,,1) != $null) goto lamer". Also you can determine if the message must start with those keywords, and not just contain them. In that case, substitute "!= $null" with "= 1" so the line will become "if ($poscs($1-,Hello JoE^,,1) = 1) goto lamer".
  • Specify whole messages: you can as well filter exact sentences, instead of checking if a sentence contains some keywords. In that case simply add a line like "if ($1- == Hello,) goto lamer" which for example will trigger on evey query window equal to "Hello,". This is not case sensitive; if you want a case sensitive check substitute "==" with "===", like "if ($1- === Hello,) goto lamer".
  • Modify the sleep time: my supposed sleep time goes from 0:00 to 8:59; means that a query window received between these times will be answered with the "I am sleeping" message. You can correct this by modifying the Hour time, from 9 to 10 for example, if you want the interval to end at 9:59, or to 8, if you want instead 7:59. If you want to modify the first time, 0:00, you should also add some text to the script. It can be easily done, anyway I don't have right now the time to add a tutorial on this, plus I don't think it's of vital importance wheter the script guesses exactly wheter you are sleeping or not.

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