Category Archives: fun

Control Chauvet Hurricane 1301 with external relay and arduino

February 27th 2016 ephestione Leave a comment

I bought a Chauvet Hurricane 1301 for its massive smoke output: my aim is to build a low-cost but extremely effective security and anti theft smoke shield and fog bandit clone, by using nothing more than your average disco fog machine… well, at least a renowned powerful fog machine at that. The specs about the consumption are pretty much the same: 1200W nominal power, and about 50W average when turned on to keep the temperature of the liquid constant. What this system lacks, is the “stamina” that professional systems have, since it won’t fill a room with only the first burst of smoke, but it’s not that much delay between the first puff and the second, and you still get the surprise effect. Ideal for not-so-big rooms.

But you may want to use it to spray smoke when certain events happen, like music timed puffs, or pressure plates, you name it.

There is no immediate way to do it: the wired remote doesn’t provide simple short contacts: none of the pins get shorted when you press the “manual” button there, so it must be a powered remote that sends out powered signals.

Solution: catch the short contact given by the manual switch on the machine’s rear panel.

chauvet hurricane 1301 pcb switches cables — Open your Hurricane 1301 by removing the clearly visible screws on the sides and on top, this is the electronics board where the cables from the button and DIN plugs in the rear end; here I had plugged two jumper cables in the switch plug, I just pushed them on the side of the female connectors inside the plastic plug

chauvet hurricane 1301 manual switch derivation — Pull the cables behind the board to get them out from the tank housing.

chauvet hurricane 1301 tank housing — Here you see where I made the jumper cables come out from. Since that hole is where the tank’s bulge protrudes to stabilize it, you won’t be able to use large cables (not that you need to anyway) otherwise you won’t be able to fit the tank.

chauvet hurricane 1301 manual switch completed derivation — Since I had really short jumper cables, I ended up using 6 of them (!) plugged together, and placed a zip tie in the grill to fix them onto the chassis.

chauvet hurricane 1301 manual switch outet — After you close everything, you now have an outlet you can connect to a relay, regulaed for example by an arduino.

So what about my homemade smoke shield clone system? I just need to find an alarm sensor to wire up to an arduino, to which will be also wired a relay going to the Hurricane 1301.

fun, howto's, pc

Enable Dolby Digital Live Surround 5.1 in Far Cry 4 and Watchdogs

February 4th 2015 ephestione Leave a comment

Self reference, and also a heads up for those people looking into listening to 5.1 surround sound in Far Cry 4 and Watchdogs which usually play no sound when Dolby Digital is enabled.

This was tested and works in my configuration using a Sound Blaster USB Surround Pro X-Fi, and doesn’t involve any patch or hack, but a simple linear procedure; the first step is to download the latest drivers from Creative website (may ’14), and then, as the good sir melgu said on steamcommunity:

Open Creative Entertainment Console
Click on the Dolby Digital Live icon
Check the second box (a warning will appear, read it to undestand what it does, then accept clicking Yes)
Open Change Sound Card Settings from Windows Start Menu, and set the entry Speaker (Sound Blaster blahblah) as the default peripheral
Test your games

fun, howto's

Build your own cycleradio™ to listen to music on your bycicle without batteries

June 15th 2010 ephestione 1 Comment

2008 notice: this article is way outdated now that lithium MP3 players are sold for a few bucks, still you can feel like a nerd and build this contraption out of sheer fun.

I made the whole thing myself, during a summer vacation, some years ago, when I was really, really, REALLY bored, so I came up with this weird idea. The system’s gonna be disassembled from my mountain bike shortly (still works OK after years of dust on the bicycle), just because lately (another summer vacation), I’ve had the occasion to make some long and rough rides, which I’ll repeat through all the holidays, and the walkman, which was going anyway to be trashed if I didn’t recycle it this way, doesn’t appreciate the frequent 1.5G shocks (my a$$ neither, but it’s another story…); plus the dynamo doesn’t fit well with the rear tyre at HIGH speeds.

Anyway, if you use your bicycle for city rides, not so fast as well, the CycleRadio™ will be your faithful bike-audio system for very, very long.

I’ll pass throught the graphic explanation of the manual steps, to come directly to explain HOW the whole thing is done and works.

Why? Only because if you are really unable to figure how to technically assemble all this, I can do nothing but recommend you to a good physiotherapist. And, not less notably, also because I don’t have a webcam to paste here the pics of how I did it on my bike.

Let’s proceed.

Find a dynamo. Used, new, stolen from your neighbor’s ’60 bike, or from your mom’s ’80, but broken, one (as in my case). You should be able to get a 6V one, since it’ll give more reliability to the system.

This is the prize for your quest, brave knight. Pssssst noone’s around, get a screwdriver!

Now you have to find a suitable place to fix it to the frame of your proud mountain bike. I chose the rear bracket which is normally used to attach the rear lamp (there are some nice holes where you need only a bolt to stick the dynamo). In the best of cases, you’ll need your brute strenght (better if helped by a solid pair of vanadium pliers) to fold the arm of the dynamo to make it rotate perfectly against the tyre (be careful here, placing the rotating part too tight may spoil the rubber, as placing it too near to the carvings of the tread will hurt often on the dynamo itself, causing it to be displaced very soon); also, you may need some steel wire to stabilize the structure to the frame).

Next, you’ll need someting to convert the AC of the dynamo to the DC which uses a walkman. And you may need to buy some electric pieces, if you can’t manage to remove them from an old TV, radio, or whatever.

This is what you need:

4 diodes:

Anyone of'em is ok. If you know how to use them :-P

A diode is represented as –>|– where the point of the arrow is the positive pole. The side of the diode with the black or coloured ring is the positive pole.

1 capacitor:

These are two examples of what you need. Better get a capacitor of some Volts higher of the dynamo’s, lilke 10-12-16V, and at least of 2000uF, or your walkman playback, during fast rides, will simply suck.

solderer (needed only to make a "clean" work; I didn’t use one)

And this is how you need to assemble them:

Clear eh? Now, don’t cry and use your fantasy, it’s clear indeed. I put in here ALL of the components, so you’ll use this image as reference. Make sure the positive pole of the diode-square and the positive pole of the capacitor match. The same for the negative poles.

A good place to stick this small rectifier, which is the sum of the 4 diodes plus the capacitor (and which you’ll have packed in some Scotch tape, or better insulating tape, to make it waterproof, after you made sure there are no short circuits – just use insulating tape also on the bare contacts) is right about here:

Place the scotch-packeted rectifier circuit right in the place marked with the bright-yellow dot. Place instead the scotch-packeted battery-pack in the place marked with the bright-green dot.

Now you have in place the dynamo and the rectifier circuit. Mmmmm what next… why! Just wire them! You don’t need to connect specific poles, just one pole of the dynamo with one pole of the rectifier (not the ones connected to the capacitor, but the free ones) and then the other pole of the dynamo with the free pole of the rectifier (Important Notice Only For True L4m3r5: a dynamo has two poles, not only the one you can see at the bottom of it. The second pole is — try to guess — the bracket used to fix it to the bike frame!).

Let’s come to the batteries. Not the battieries you usually put inside a walkman, but every kind of rechargeable battery, the bigger the better, which has a Voltage of 6~9V (so, even the one of dad’s old cellular phone, if you know how to use its poles, or, as the ones I used, the rechargeable batteries of a broken portable vacuum cleaner…). You’ll attach the battery-pack somewhere else on the frame (see the previous pic).

In this case the positive output pole of the rectifier (the one on the side of the capacitor) must match with the positive pole of the battery, same for the negative poles.

One step to the victory!

Now, just wire togheter the positive pole of the battery with the positive pole of the walkman, same for the negative. You’ll need to open the walkman so to pull out the wires which actually reach the electrodes, and connect these wires with the wires coming from the battery (didn’t I tell you? The walkman will be lost, since, after that, you won’t be able to put batteries in it; so, better use an old walkman… you know the huge crappy one your grandma bought you for birthday, not knowing you already had an untraslim-single battery one? )

I suggest you to place the walkman on the handle-bar, right in the middle, where every mountain-bike has a short straight metal tube going from the handle-bar itself to its axis. Just fix here a small transparent zip-bag (like the ones used to put makeup accessories – here the mom will be useful again…) with a small table of plywood on the bottom, so to create a solid surface. Done.

You don’t need me to tell you how to pull cables from one piece to another do you?

fun, internet, irc

Complete mIRC script for event sounds management

June 15th 2010 ephestione Leave a comment

And after a long idle period on active scripting, I decided to come back with a useful script, to update a page about a similar issue, which anyway didn’t show anything such advanced.

This script does all the dirty job of managing events that inside mIRC are programmed to be able to generate sounds. It intercepts them, and, if you enabled sounds, it will play the WAVs appropriate for each event (I added to this script the WAVs I use on my own copy of mIRC)

If you wish to download the ZIP, here you go. All the instructions to load it are in the TXT, while in here you can see how you can customize the script itself, and learn how it works. The WAVs have been made mostly using MS Talkit, which you can find in the Download/AudioVideo section, in case you want to make your own WAVs; there’s also a guide to it in the HowTo’s section.

Follows the script listing:

alias sounds {
  //if ($1 == on) { /set %Soundon 1 | echo -a  $+ $color(info text).dd $+ *** Sounds have been activated }
  //if ($1 == off) { /set %soundon 0 | echo -a  $+ $color(info text).dd $+ *** Sounds have been disabled }
}

alias checkquery //if (($query($1).addr != $null) && (%Soundon == 1)) /splay query.wav

CTCP *:DCC:*:{
  if (($2 == send) && (%soundon == 1)) /splay dcc send.wav
}

on *:GETFAIL:*.*:{
  //if (%Soundon == 1) /splay dcc failed.wav
}

on *:FILERCVD:*.*:{
  //if (%Soundon == 1) /splay dcc finished.wav
}


on 1:OPEN:?:*:{
  //if (($pos($strip($1-),Matches for,1) == 1) && (%Soundon == 1)) /splay locator.wav
  else /timer 1 1 checkquery $nick
}

on *:NOTICE:*:*:{
  //if ((($pos($strip($1-),Requested File's on its way! Low CPS Limit:,1) != $null) || ($pos($strip($1-),is on its way.,1) != $null)  || ($pos($strip($1-),Now Sending!,1) != $null)) && (%Soundon == 1)) { /splay File Arriving.wav | goto bother }

  //if ((($pos($strip($1-),is on its way.,1) != $null) || ($pos($strip($1-),Now Sending!,1) != $null)) && (%Soundon == 1)) { /splay File Arriving.wav | goto bother }

  //if ((($pos($strip($1-),You are in que now with number,1) != $null) || (($pos($strip($1-),I have added,1) != $null) && ($pos($strip($1-),in my que,1) != $null)) && (%Soundon == 1))) { /splay Queued.wav | goto bother }

  //if ((($pos($strip($1-),You are already in my que list with,1) != $null) || ($pos($strip($1-),Sorry I am totally maxed out even in que list,1) != $null)) && (%Soundon == 1)) { /splay Queue Finished.wav | goto bother }

  //if ((($pos($strip($1-),Password accepted for,1) != $null) && ($nick == NickServ)) && (%Soundon == 1)) { /splay Identified.wav | goto bother }

  //if ($pos($1-,server flood protection activated,1) != $null) goto bother
  //if ($pos($1-,has opped,1) != $null) goto bother
  //if ($pos($1-,has deopped,1) != $null) goto bother
  //if ($poscs($1-,DCC Send,1) != $null) goto bother

  //if (%Soundon == 1) /splay notice.wav

  :bother
}

on *:TEXT:*:#:{
  //if ($pos($1-,$me,1) != $null) {//if (%Soundon == 1) /splay chimes.wav//if ($window(@calls,1) == $null) /window -n @calls//aline -hp @calls 11 $chan 9 [ $time ] 7 < $nick > 8 $1-
  }
}

on *:CONNECT://if (%Soundon == 1) /splay Connected.wav

on *:DISCONNECT://if (%Soundon == 1) splay Disconnected.wav

And follows the explanation (usage instructions at te bottom of the page).

The first three events (CTCP, on FILERCVD, on GETFAIL) trigger repectively when an incoming DCC send arrives, or a completion or fail of a DCC get occur, and, after checking if the sound output is enabled, play their files.

The on OPEN triggers when a query opens. It checks first if it’s a response of an MP3 sharing script, if not it waits 1 second before playing the Query sound. This is because you may have installed an antispam script (get a look at mine also in the IRC section) which closes instantly the query if it’s detected as spam: in this case you hear the sound only if the query is still open after a second.

The on NOTICE event checks for a lot of things. If NickServ identified you, if your MP3 request has been queued, is arriving, or hasn’t been accepted (works with SpR and SDFind responses only), ignores some frequent useless notices like the oppings, deoppings, flood protections, and after that plays a generic notice sound if no specific event is detected.

The last one, on TEXT, does what I like most: checks wether someone types your nick in a channel, and sounds chimes.wav, logging at the same time the line into a window. 2 things: first, you may want to disable it for specific occurencies (example: you are op, you voice someone, and his lame script -there’s no other way to call it- thanks you automatically; listening to the sounds may be… and is… annoying) so either you disable the sound at all (deleting the line containing "chimes.wav") or add some filters for those occurrencies (you must be a little fluent in mIRC scripting); second, the window logging looks really nice to me, but in the case you find it useless, delete the two lines containing "@calls". You may easily notice how you could completely delete the last statement if you don’t like it for both reasons. Also, it is somewhat"inefficient". That is, checks whatever is written in whichever channel, which means CPU usage. I have a single big on TEXT in my own script which checks a lot of things togheter, but if you have other scripts installed, they may have their own on TEXT routines. In that case the CPU utilization raises, so, if you are a lucky owner of a 1GHz+ CPU, no big deal, only keep in mind that on slower machines, having a mIRC instance which sucks 5% of the CPU is very annoying .

Now, how to use it? Simple, after having loaded the script (follow the instructions in the TXT file), do /sounds on and you will be all setted. The script wll begin to play the WAVs when it’s come the moment. Want to watch a movie or play a game? Type /sounds off and mIRC won’t bug you. That’s all.

How to cutomize it? Basically, you can change the name ot location of the WAVs, delete some parts you’re not interested in, but mostly, add other handlers, if you can, and care. Only thing: mIRC will continue to beep if someone writes other lines in a query after the first one, even if sounds are off. I could change that, but I was too lazy in that moment; I don’t even plan to do it in the future… take it as a good excercise on scripting.

fun

ASCII Art collection

June 15th 2010 ephestione 1 Comment

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  A T T A C K !                                   ~~~~~~~




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Bee and Rose

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    (/|\)                                                           (/|\)
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      |             \__,--'                                           |
      |                                                               |
    (\o/)___________________________________________________________(\o/)
    (/|\)                                                           (/|\)


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  __|/__   ( \|(__   __(__    __|/__
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-=[ rose & heart ]=-

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                          (_~~   ~~___)\_/ |   "Velociraptor"
                          (_~~   ~~___)\_/ |
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                                  c==o
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                        /_/^ ___\||  || _/o\ "`-._
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               - ---|__|  _^(_) /^   __\____ _   _|
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              -  -- |__| . _(_) \v     /__________|________
                 ---l__l_ (_). []|+-+-<\^   L  . _   - ---L|
           _ ________\__\    __. ||^l  \Y] /_]  (_) .  _,--'
                       \~_]  L_| || .\ .\\/~.    _,--'"
                        \_\ . __/||  |\  \`-+-<'"         "Millenium Falcon"
                          "`---._|J__L|X o~~|[\\
                                 \____/ \___|[//
                                  `--'   `--+-'



                         ________
                    _,.-Y  |  |  Y-._
                .-~"   ||  |  |  |   "-.
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                    |..|         |..|
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                    [_L]         [_L]
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                  `=}--{='     `=}--{='
                 .-^--r-^-.   .-^--r-^-.            "Imperial AT-AT"
           ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



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                      [ ][.-~" ~"-.]          "Imperial AT-ST"
              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



              ___  _____
            .'/,-Y"     "~-.
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           l         ]     o !__./
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                  Y   \          /
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                  |           \
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                                                         ____
             ___                                      .-~. /_"-._
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                \  \                                / : \~x.  ` ')
                 ]  Y                              /  |  Y< ~-.__j
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                          ~~     (   _}
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           "T-Rex"                /,`--'~\--'~\
                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


  ------------------------------------------------------------------
                         The Koala Bear Collection
  ------------------------------------------------------------------
     ___           ___           ___           ___           ___
   {~._.~}       {~:_:~}       {~...~}       {~+_+~}       {~___~}
    ( Y )         ( Y )         ( Y )         ( Y )         ( Y )
   ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()
   (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)

    Koala         Koala         Koala         Dead          Sleeping
                  saying        saying        koala         koala
                   yes           no

     ___           ___           ___           ___           ___
   {~-_-~}       {~p_q~}       {~o o~}       {~._.~}       {~._.~}
    ( Y )         ( Y )         ( . )         ( Y )         ( Y )
   ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()v-v()
   (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)Y(_)       (_)^(_)

    Asian         A very        Surprised     Male          Female
    koala         tired         koala         koala         koala
                  koala

     ___           ___         _ ___ _         ___           ___
   {~._.~}       {~===~}       \~._.~/       {~x_x~}       {~. .~}
   _( Y )_        ( Y )         ( Y )         ( Y )         ( V )
  (:_~*~_:)      ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()       ()~*~()
   (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)

   Hugging       Geordi        Spock         Pissed        Pinocchio
    koala         koala         koala         koala         koala

                                                *
     ___           ___          _   _          /_\           ___
   {~._.~}       {~._.~}       ( )-( )       {~._.~}       {~._.~}
    ( Y )         ( Y )        ()_*_()        ( Y )         ( Y )
    j~*~l        ()~*~()        ( v )        ()~*~()         ~H~
   (_)-(_)        l_T_|        {_` '_}       (_)-(_)          H
                                 ~~~                          ~
   'armless      Standing      Upside        Party         Koala
    koala         koala         down          koala         icecream
                                koala
            .             .
     ___   //     .---.  //      _ _                         ___
   {~._.~}//     Y|o o|Y//     {~.V.~}         . .         {~._.~}
    ( Y )K/     /_(i=i)K/       ( Y )                       ( Y )
   ()~*~()      ~()~*~()~      ()~*~()                     ()~S~()
   (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)       (_)-(_)                    /(_)-(_)\
                                                          ~       ~
   Luke          Darth         Koala with    Invisible     Superman
   Skywalker     Vader         a splitting   koala         koala
   koala         koala         headache


   _)   ___   (_     \___/          |||          _) (_          -^-
  _) \{~._.~}/ (_   {~._.~}       {~. .~}       {~$_$~}      {~ -_- ~}
  )_\ \( Y )/ /_(    ( Y )         (v^v)         ( Y )        (  Y  )
   )_ ()~*~() _(    ()~*~()       / ' ' \       ()~*~()      ()~___~()
    )_(_)-(_)_(     (_)-(_)      / \   / \      (_)-(_)     (_)__V__(_)

      Dragon        Berlin        Dracula       Dagobert      Sumo
      koala         koala         koala         koala         koala
                    _____|           _           _____          ___
        ___         \_*_/|         _/ \_          |_|*        {~._.~}
      {'   `}      {~._.~}        {~._.~}/      {~._.~}        ( Y )
       (   )        ( Y )|         ( Y )/        ( Y )        ()`o'()
      (/   \)      ()***()        (  : /)       ()~*~U)       (_)_(_)
      (__u__)      (_)-(_)       (   :   )      (_)-(_)    ___|  1  |___
                                                          | 2         3 |

      koala         Russian       Snow          PhD           Champion
      from behind   koala         koala         koala         koala
                                    ___
        ___  ___  ___        xxxxx _) (_         ___           ()_()
      {~._.{~._.~}._.~}     //._.\{~._.~}      {~._.~}          ._.
       ( O )( O )( O )      /( Y )\( Y )      ~ ( Y ) ~~       ( Y )
      ()~*~()~*~()~*~()     (/   \()\V/()    ~o~ ~  ~~o~      () O ()
      (_)-((_)-(_))-(_)     /     \_)-(_)    ~  ~  ~  ~ ~     (_)-(_)
                            ~~~~~~~            ~  ~   ~
      koala                 Just married        Swimming      Easter
      chorus                koalas              koala         koala

  ------------------------------------------------------------------




                             _-_      _-_
                            //^\\__._//^\\___.
                           /\\__\\/_//__/'__/|
       .-----------.     ./---->>/O/\--'---/||
       : For: You   `._,'/ * // / / || *  /|||
       : Luv, Pooky ,'  /_-_-'_/_/__\\___/.|||
       `-----------'   |*//*  *| | * \\  | |||
                       | 'o  o | |  o 'o |.|||
                       | *  *  | |*  *  *| |||
                       |  o  o | |  o  o |.|||
                       |*  *  *| | *  *  | ||/
                       |  o  o | |  o  o |.|/
                       | *  *  | |*  *  *| /
                       |_______|_|_______|/
                                             

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        _--_     _--_     _--_     _--_     _--_     _--_         
       (    )~~~(    )   (    )~~~(    )   (    )~~~(    )        
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         (  ' _ `  )       (  ' _ `  )       (  ' _ `  )          
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       /         \___     /        _>\    /   /          ._/   __ 
      /   /       !  \   /  /-___-'   ) /'   /.-----\___/     /  )
     (   <        !__/ /'  (        _/  \___//          `----'   ! 
      \   \      /\    \___/`------' )       \            ______/ 
       \--/   \ /  \  ._    \      `<         `--_____----'       
         `.    )-   \/  ) ___>-_     \   /-\    \    /            
          !   !  `.    / /      `-_   `-/  /    !   !             
          /  /__   \__/ (  \---__/ `-_    /     /  /__            
         (______)        \__)         `-_/     (______)           


 \|/  \|/  \\||//  \|/   \\\||/   \||///    \\||//   \\\\\|||/// \|/|\|

====================================================================

                       THE TEDDY BEARS PICNIC

====================================================================


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               ,88888888888888Yaa8b      ,'       `,      d8aaP88888888888888,
               dP               ""8b     _,gd888bg,_     d8""               Yb
              ,888888888888888888888b,    ""Y888P""    ,d888888888888888888888,
              dP                   "8"b,             ,d"8"                   Yb
             ,888888888888888888888888,"Ya,_,ggg,_,aP",888888888888888888888888,
             dP                      "8,  "8"\x/"8"  ,8"                      Yb
            ,88888888888888888888888888b   8\\x//8   d88888888888888888888888888,
            8888bgg,_                  8   8\\x//8   8                  _,ggd8888
             `"Yb, ""8888888888888888888   Y\\x//P   8888888888888888888"" ,dP"'
               _d8bg,_"8,              8   `b\x/d'   8              ,8"_,gd8b_
             ,iP"   "Yb,8888888888888888    8\x/8    8888888888888888,dP"  `"Yi,
            ,P"    __,888              8    8\x/8    8              888,__    "Y,
           ,8baaad8P"":Y8888888888888888 aaa8\x/8aaa 8888888888888888P:""Y8baaad8,
           dP"':::::::::8              8 8::8\x/8::8 8              8:::::::::`"Yb
           8::::::::::::8888888888888888 8::88888::8 8888888888888888::::::::::::8
           8::::::::::::8,             8 8:::::::::8 8             ,8::::::::::::8
           8::::::::::::8888888888888888 8:::::::::8 8888888888888888::::::::::::8
           8::::::::::::Ya             8 8:::::::::8 8             aP::::::::::::8
           8:::::::::::::888888888888888 8:::::::::8 888888888888888:::::::::::::8
           8:::::::::::::Ya            8 8:::::::::8 8            aP:::::::::::::8
           Ya:::::::::::::88888888888888 8:::::::::8 88888888888888:::::::::::::aP
           `8;:::::::::::::Ya,         8 8:::::::::8 8         ,aP:::::::::::::;8'
            Ya:::::::::::::::"Y888888888 8:::::::::8 888888888P":::::::::::::::aP
            `8;::::::::::::::::::::""""Y8888888888888P""""::::::::::::::::::::;8'
             Ya:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::aP
              "b;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Normand  ::::::;d"
               `Ya;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Veilleux ::::;aP'
                 `Ya;:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;aP'
                    "Ya;:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;aP"
                       "Yba;;;:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;;;adP"
                           `"""""""Y888888888888888888888P"""""""'     "Tutankhamun"


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               d888888888888'       )8,       `88888888888b
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            I88888888888888ba,   ,88888P'     ,88888888888888I
           ,888888888"""""""Y88ba88888888888888P' `Y8888888888,
           I888888888P       Y88888888888888P"'    `Y888888888I
           888888888P         `8888888888888b       `Y888888888
           88888888P        ,d888888888888888b       )888888888
           I88888888b      ,d88888888888888888b     ,d88888888I
           `888888888b    ,d888888888888P 88888baaad8888888888'
            I888888888b  ,8'        888P           d888888888I
             Y888888888b,8'         88P           d888888888P
              Y88888888888          88b          d888888888P
               Y8888888888b,        888b        d888888888P
                "88888888888888888888888b 888888888888888"
                  "888888888888888888888888888888888888"
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                       `"Y8888888888888888888888P"'
                           ``""YY88888888PP""''       "Recycle"



                                              8
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                      ,a8888888:d8888888:d888888888b:8888888b:8888888a,
                   ,a88888888:d88888888:d88888888888b:88888888b:88888888a,
                 ,d88888888:d888888888:d8888888888888b:888888888b:88888888b,
               ,d88888888:d8888888888I:888888888888888:I8888888888b:88888888b,
             ,d888888888:d88888888888:88888888888888888:88888888888b:888888888b,
            d8888888888:I888888888888:88888888888888888:888888888888I:8888888888b
           d8P"'   `"Y8:8P"'     `"Y8:8P"'    8    `"Y8:8P"'     `"Y8:8P"'   `"Y8b
           "           "             "        8        "             "           "
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                                             `Y8888888P'      "Umbrella"
                                               `"""""'


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                                   I8888888888888888 _________          ,8888888888888b
                         __________`Y88888888888888P"""""""""""baaa,__ ,888888888888888,
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            ,d88'           d888888'                                            `b,
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           d88I           ,8888888'            ___                                `b,
          ,888'           d8888888          ,d88888b,              ____            `b,
          d888           ,8888888I         d88888888b,           ,d8888b,           `b
         ,8888           I8888888I        d8888888888I          ,88888888b           8,
         I8888           88888888b       d88888888888'          8888888888b          8I
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         88888b          I88888888b      `Y8888888^             `Y888888888I        d88,
         Y88888b         `888888888b,      `""""^                `Y8888888P'       d888I
         `888888b         88888888888b,                           `Y8888P^        d88888
          Y888888b       ,8888888888888ba,_          _______        `""^        ,d888888
          I8888888b,    ,888888888888888888ba,_     d88888888b               ,ad8888888I
          `888888888b,  I8888888888888888888888b,    ^"Y888P"^      ____.,ad88888888888I
           88888888888b,`888888888888888888888888b,     ""      ad888888888888888888888'
           8888888888888698888888888888888888888888b_,ad88ba,_,d88888888888888888888888
           88888888888888888888888888888888888888888b,`"""^ d8888888888888888888888888I
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           I888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888P^  ^Y8888888888888888888888'
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             `Y888888888888888  `888888888888888888888888,     ,888888888888888888P'
              `Y88888888888888b  `88888888888888888888888I     I888888888888888888'
                "Y8888888888888b  `8888888888888888888888I     I88888888888888888'
                  "Y88888888888P   `888888888888888888888b     d8888888888888888'
                     ^""""""""^     `Y88888888888888888888,    888888888888888P'
                                      "8888888888888888888b,   Y888888888888P^
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                                         "Y8888888888888888P     `""""^
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                                                ^""""""""'


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               /        `~----'        _/'    \.       
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                           / . . \                     ^^^^^^
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                                         _,._
               _"BattleTech"___         (_~~_(==
               /_ '__ __ __ \___     ____|~~|________________
            .___/  / |-- \ `_\___       -'--`-___...---~~~  |   _i            ___...--
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         /----/---/---|---\---\----\         |  ~~~~~~~~ ~`| \_\| _|_|\ _\   |
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              |                              |              _\===/ \_  ~\\\  |
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              |_________________||X||________|__..--~~   / _  \/  \_==_/     |______._
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                                         _
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                  `  `                              


                                                 /|
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                   `----'       (   `~--_ ~~~;;------------~~~~~ ;;;'_/'
                                `~~~~~~~~'~~~-----....___;;;____---~~


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            ((@@).*@@ )@ )    `-'   ((   ^  ~)_          /             `,
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                                  /   (((((  \    \    _.-~\     Y,         ;
                                 /   / (((((( \    \.-~   _.`" _.-~`,       ;
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                        ((((~~              / /'              _.-~ __.--~
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                                                       .'   .~~
              "Fire-Breathing Dragon"                  :    ,'   
                                                       ~~~~~


                                                    _\/
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                      :  ====  \  ^      ^         `. |          ;  `;   `../__
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         :  ^    .'                           _.-"    ^      ; \.  ;      ^  ;
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            (-(-(-(-(--'' jgs `-._  ^ `.     `\`\              ^      .'   "Horned
                          __..---''     `._     `-. ^      ^      ^ .'      Dragon"
                 __..---''    ___....---'`-`)      `---...____..---'
                (-(-(-(-(---''             '                        


                                     _._
                                   _/:|:
                                  /||||||.
                                  ||||||||.
                                 /|||||||||:
                                /|||||||||||
                               .|||||||||||||
                               | ||||||||||||:
                             _/| |||||||||||||:_=---.._
                             | | |||||:'''':||  '~-._  '-.
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           `,,,,,,,'  /_         ~-_    )         <_oo_>
             `-----~~/ /'===...===' +   /
                    <_oo_>         /  //
                                  /  //
                                 <_oo_>      "Dimetrodon"


                                /~~~~~~~~~~~~\_
            _+=+_             _[~  /~~~~~~~~~~~~\_
           {''|''}         [~~~    [~   /~~~~~~~~~\_
            ''':-'~[~[~'~[~  ((++     [~  _/~~~~~~~~\_
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                            /   }\ /     (     }     (   .   ''}
                           (  .+   \ /  //     )    / .,  ''''/
                           \\  \     \ (   .+~~\_  /.= /'''''
                           <'_V_'>      \\  \    ~~~~~~\\  \
                                         \\  \          \\  \
                                         <'_V_'>        <'_V_'>   "Ankylosaur"


                                       ___......__             _
                                   _.-'           ~-_       _.=a~~-_
           --=====-.-.-_----------~   .--.       _   -.__.-~ ( ___==>
                         '''--...__  (    \ \\\ { )       _.-~
                                   =_ ~_  \\-~~~//~~~~-=-~
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                                    |}      ||
                                   //       ||
                                 _//        {{
            "Hypsilophodon"   '='~'          \\_
                                              ~~'


                                 .       .
                                / `.   .' \
                        .---.  <    > <    >  .---.
                        |    \  \ - ~ ~ - /  /    |
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                       /                  .-    .  \
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                        / \   =/  ~~--~~{    ./|    ~-.     `-..__\\_//_.-'
                       {   \  +\         \  =\ (        ~ - . _ _ _..---~
                       |  | {   }         \   \_\
                      '---.o___,'       .o___,'     "Stegosaurus"


                                                             .--.__
                                                           .~ (@)  ~~~---_
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                      ~~-._~~-----~~~~~~       .+++~~~~~~~~-__   /
                           ~-.,____           {   -     +   }  _/
                                   ~~-.______{_    _ -=\ / /_.~
                                        :      ~--~    // /         ..-
                                        :   / /      // /         ((
                                        :  / /      {   `-------,. ))
                                        :   /        ''=--------. }o
                           .=._________,'  )                     ))
                           )  _________ -''                     ~~
                          / /  _ _
                         (_.-.'O'-'.        "Deinonychus"


                                      <\              _
                                       \\          _/{
                                _       \\       _-   -_
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                                      \ : /__
                                     //`Y'--\\
                                    <+       \\
                                     \\      WWW      "Pterodactyl"
                                     '


                                _
                             __~a~_
                             ~~;  ~_
               _                ~  ~_                _
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              (/ / / /, | | | |(/    \) | | | ,\ \ \ \)
             (/ / / / / | | | ~(/    \) ~ | | \ \ \ \ \)
            (/ / / / /  ~ ~ ~   (/  \)    ~ ~  \ \ \ \ \)
           (/ / / / ~          / (||)|          ~ \ \ \ \)
           ~ / / ~            M  /||\M             ~ \ \ ~
            ~ ~                  /||\                 ~ ~
                                //||\\
                                //||\\
                                //||\\
                                '/||\'        "Archaeopteryx"


                                              _..-=~=-._
                                         _.-~'          ~.
                             __..---~~~~~                 ~.
                        _.-~~                      _.._     ~.
                    _ -~_                         /    \      ;
                   ( ` '@)                       {      |      :
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                ====||*|    / /    + )    \   |_.-~`\   :      |**
                   |*| *   / /    / /      \  |     ([ ])     /|||(
               *    |*    /_/    / /       (  ]     `/ \'     /|||_
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              *|\|             (((|      -----     __|_|__
           __/||||__            '''                 -----
             _||_|__                                           "Maiasaur"


                            _..--+~/@-~--.
                        _-=~      (  .   '
                     _-~     _.--=.\ \''''
                   _~      _-       \ \_\
                  =      _=          '--'
                 '      =                             .
                :      :       ____                   '=_. ___
           ___  |      ;                            ____ '~--.~.
                ;      ;                               _____  } |
             ___=       \ ___ __     __..-...__           ___/__/__
                :        =_     _.-~~          ~~--.__
           _____ \         ~-+-~                   ___~=_______
                ~@#~~ == ...______ __ ___ _--~~--_                  "Pleisiosaur"


              _
            .~q`,
           {__,  \
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                 \  \
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                         `|     /  /       (       :   '\
                          \    |  /        |      /       \
                           |     /`-.______.\     |~-.      \
                           |   |/           (     |   `.      \_
                           |   ||            ~\   \      '._    `-.._____..----..___
                           |   |/             _\   \         ~-.__________.-~~~~~~~~~'''
           "Brachiosaur" .o'___/            .o______}


                     _
                    //
                   //
                __/(
            _.~-a  ~-.
           {_____)    `.           _..=~~~~=._
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                           `-.__//__.==~~=._\ (_/  ;  ;
                               //           | |/  ;  ;
                              {{       _____|_/ ;   ;        *     ___
                               `      ---- _=.=`   ~ _____   ||*    ____
                                       __:='    .='     ___\\||/___
           "Parasaurolophus"       ..:~____.==''


                                                  .--.
                                                 {(~~)}
                                __..._         _.''''a`,._
                            _.-'      '~-._.-~~     (  .__}
                         _-~                       _.`--j|
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               .'         {       /  _.-' |:
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           {    _.'     / /   | /
           {    =      {=+__  | :
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            `.   '=,_
               '-.___'_::='         "Corythosaur"


                                 __.--'~~~~~`--.
              ..       __.    .-~               ~-.
              ((\     /   `}.~                     `.
               \\\  .{     }               /     \   \
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             `----._-~.     _\ \ |_       \   / /-.__     `._
                    ~~----~~  \ \| ~~--~~~(  + /     ~-._    ~-._
                              /  /         \  \          ~--.,___~_-_.
                           __/  /          _\  )
                         .<___.'         .<___/    "Triceratops"



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					***End Anime***
					===============


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                                        ______________
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                          |  __      __  | _  |__  /
                          | |__ |   |__| |__|  __| \
                          | |   |__ |  |            \
                          |                __________\
                          |________________\
                          |
                          |
                          |       The  Flags  Guide
                          |
                          |
                          |
                          |
                          |

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |XXXXXXX|==============| |======================| |\\\\    |    |    ////|
      |XXXXXXX|==============| |        __/\__        | |___\\\\_|    |_////___|
      |XXXXXXX|==============| |       `\/~~\/'       | |~~~~~~~~      ~~~~~~~~|
      |======================| |        /\__/\        | |________      ________|
      |======================| |       `~~\/~~'       | |~~~////~|    |~\\\\~~~|
      |======================| |======================| |////    |    |    \\\\|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
               U.S.A                 I S R A E L              B R I T A I N

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |       _--~~--_       | |                      |
      |      ////////////////| |    _-~ _----_ ~-_    | |        _----_        |
      |      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| | _-~   (. .  .)   ~-_ | |       (      )       |
      |      ////////////////| |`~-_   (.  . .)   _-~'| |       (      )       |
      |      \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |    ~-_ ~----~ _-~    | |        ~----~        |
      |      ////////////////| |       ~--__--~       | |                      |
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
             Q A T A R                B R A Z I L               J A P A N

       _______________          ______________________   _
      |      | |      |        |                      | | ~-_
      |      | |      |        |        __/\__        | | o  ~-_
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      |      | |      |        |                      | |        \
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~
      S W I T Z E R L A N D         V I E T N A M        N E P A L

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |______________________| |            ||||||||||| |  __/\__   ###########|
      |          /\          | |  __||__    ||||||||||| |  \    /   ###########|
      |         /\/\         | |  ~~||~~    ||||||||||| |   |/\|    ###########|
      |        /\/\/\        | |            ||||||||||| ||||||||||||   __/\__  |
      |          ||          | |            ||||||||||| ||||||||||||   \    /  |
      |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~| |            ||||||||||| ||||||||||||    |/\|   |
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
           L E B A N O N               M A L T A              P A N A M A

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |_\\_| |_//_           | ||||||            |||||| |######################|
      |____   ____     *     | ||||||            |||||| |######################|
      | // | | \\    *   *   | ||||||   _/^\_    |||||| |######################|
      |                 .    | ||||||   \_ _/    |||||| |######################|
      |    (*)               | ||||||     |      |||||| |######################|
      |                *     | ||||||            |||||| |######################|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
         A U S T R A L I A           C A N A D A               L I B Y A

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |||||||||||||||||||||||| | \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |===   ================|
      |######################| |   \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |         =============|
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      |#######`-___-'########| |    ##################| |======================|
      |######################| |   ///////////////////| |======================|
      |||||||||||||||||||||||| | /////////////////////| |======================|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
              L A O S                K U W A I T              G R E E C E

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      ||||||||||    #########| |~--__            __--~| |   ..                 |
      ||||||||||    #########| |_    ~~--____--~~    _| |  * .                 |
      |~~~~~~~~~    ~~~~~~~~~| | ~~--__  *  *  __--~~ | |   ..                 |
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      |#########    |||||||||| |-~~  __--~~~~--__  ~~-| |                      |
      |#########    |||||||||| |_--~~            ~~--_| |                      |
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
       D O M I N I C A N  Rep.      B U R U N D I              C H I N A

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |                      | |((((((((((()))))))))))| |((((((((((()))))))))))|
      |       /~/            | |((((((((/~~~~\))))))))| |((((((((/~~~~\))))))))|
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      |       \_\            | |((((((((  \ * ))))))))| |(((((((        )))))))|
      |                      | |((((((((\____/))))))))| |((((((((\____/))))))))|
      |                      | |((((((((((()))))))))))| |((((((((((()))))))))))|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
            T U R K E Y             T U N I S I A          B A N G L A D E S H

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@| |  ...   ||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |@@@@@@@@@@/\@@@@@@@@@@| | : O ;  ||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |@@@@@@@@\    /@@@@@@@@| |  """   ||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |@@@@@@@@/_/\_\@@@@@@@@| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
           S O M A L I A             T A I W A N

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |                      | |                      | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
      |                      | |                      | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
      |                      | |                      | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
      |######################| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |######################| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
      |######################| |||||||||||||||||||||||| |                      |
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
         S A N   M A R I N O          P O L A N D           I N D O N E S I A

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
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      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
      |!!!!!!!        #######| |#######        !!!!!!!| |!!!!!!!        @@@@@@@|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
           I R E L A N D        I V O R Y   C O A S T          I T A L Y

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      | __/\__               | | __/\__ ||||||||||||||| | __/\__  =============|
      | \    /               | | \    / ||||||||||||||| | \    /  =============|
      |  |/\|                | |  |/\|  ||||||||||||||| |  |/\|   =============|
      |                      | |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX| |======================|
      |                      | |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX| |======================|
      |                      | |XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX| |======================|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
            B E N I N                C H I L E               L I B E R I A

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      | __/\__ ::::::::::::::| |~~--_\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |~~--@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@|
      | \    / ##############| |__/\__-_\\\\\\\\\\\\\\| |__/\__-@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@|
      |  |/\|  ::::::::::::::| |\    /  ~-_\\\\\\\\\\\| |\    /  ~-_           |
      |######################| | |/\|   _-~///////////| | |/\|   _-~           |
      |::::::::::::::::::::::| |     _-~//////////////| |     _-###############|
      |######################| |__--~/////////////////| |__--##################|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
             T O G O                  J I B U T I         Sou.   Y E M E N

       ______________________   ______________________   ______________________
      |~~--##################| |~~--!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!| |~~--##################|
      |__/\__-_              | |     ~-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!| |     ~-###############|
      |\    /  ~-############| |   *    ~-_           | |        ~-_           |
      | |/\|   _-~           | |        _-~           | |        _-~           |
      |     _-###############| |     _-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX| |     _-:::::::::::::::|
      |__--~                 | |__--XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX| |__--::::::::::::::::::|
       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
              C U B A                  J O R D A N              Y E M E N


====================================================================
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  :iiiiIITT8888888888T888HTT8T88888TTITT88TTTTTTT888TT8888T88888888888888888888
   :iiiIITT8T88888888888888T8888888TTIITITITT8TT8T8T88T888888888888888888888888
    :iiIITTT888T8TTTTTTT888888888T8TTIITITITTT88T88T8888888888888888888888888T8
     :iiIIiTTTTTTTTii:..""TTT8T88TTIIiTTTITTT8T88T8T8888888888888888888888T8888
      :iiIiiiiIiTi8TTii:....:TTTTTIiiTIITTITT888T888888888888888888T8888T88TMrK
       :iiIiiiiiTiTi8i8TTTIiiiiiiTITTTTITT8TT8T8T88T8888888T888888T888T88T88TT8
        :iiIIITiTTTIi8Ti888TTTT888TT8ITITTTTT8T8T888T88888T8888T8T8T8T88T8T8TTT
         :iiiITTiTiI8i888888888T88T88TT8TT8TTTT8TT88T88T88888T88T88T88TTT8TTT8T
          :IITIiTT:ii888888T8T8T8T8T888TT8TTTTT88T88T88888T88T8T8T8TTTT8TTTTTTT
          :iiITTTi:iI88TT8888T8T8T8TTTTT8TTTTT8TT8TT88TT88T8TTT8TTTT8TT8TTT8TTT
           :iiiiIIiIIiiiiTT888T88TTT8TTTTTTT8TTT8TT8TT8T88TTTT8TT8TTTTTTTTTTTTT
           i::::iII::::::iiTT88888T88T8TTTTTTTTTTTT8T8TTTTTT8TTTTTTTT8TTTTTTTTT
          ::::::::::::::::::::iTTTT8TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT8TTT8TTTTTT8TTTTTTTITTTTTIT
          ::iii::::::iiiiii::::iiiiiiTTTTITTTITTTT8TTTTTTTT8TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTITTI
          Ii8iTTIiiITTTTTTTTTT8888TIIITTITTITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTITTTTITTTITI
          `IIi888TTT88888TTTTTTTTTTTTTITTTTTTTITTTTTITTTITTITTTTTITTITTTTTITTII
           ::iTTTTiiTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIITTTITTTITTTTTTITTTITTTTTITTTTITTTTITIIITII
            :::::::::::ii:iiiIIITIIITIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTITTTTIITIIITIIITIIIIITIITI
             `:i::ii:i:i:ii:iiIIIITIIIITTITTITTTITTITTTIIITIIIIIITIIIIIiiiiiiii
              `i:ii:iiii:iiIIIITIIITTITTTTTTTTITTITTIITIIIIIIIIiiiiiiIIIIiiiiii
               ii:iii:IIIiTITTIITTITTITTTTTTITTITTTIIIIIIIITiiiii:iiiiiiiiiiiii
               :iT:IIIIiTIITIITITTTITTTTTITTITTTTIIITIIIIiiii:ii:iiiiiiiiiiiiii
                :iTTiiiiITITTITTITTITTTITTITTIITIIIiiii:iii:iIITiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
                 :iTTiiiiTiIITITTITTTTTIITIIIIIIII:ii:i::i:iiiTIi:Tiiiiiiiiiiii
                  ::TTIiiiTiiTIITIITIIITIIITI:Iii:i:::::i:i:iTITiTIiiiiiiiiiiii
                    ::Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii:::::::::::i:ii:I:TTiTiiiiiiiiiiiiii
                      ```::::::::::::::::::::::i::ii:ii:ITI:TiiTiiTiiiiiiiiiiii
                                      .:::::::i:i::ii:ITTI:Ii:iTiiiiiiiiiiiiiii



  iiiiiiiiiiiiii:ii:::::...:......                             ...........::::
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  iiiii:ii::.:....          .....:.....:::::::iii:iiii:ii:::::::::...:.....:..
  iiiii::..::..   ...:.....:::iiiii:iiiiiii:iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii:iiii:ii:iiiii:::
  iii:i:::....:...::::::iiiiiiii:iiiiii:iiiiii:iiiiii:iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
  iiiiii:::::::::::iiiii:iiii::i:::::i:::::i::::::::i::::i::iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii:
  iiiiiii:iiiiii:iiiii:i:::::::: :: ::: ::: ::::: ::: ::: ::::i:ii:iiii:iii:i:
  iiiiiiiiii:iiiii:i:::::::: ::    ::  ::  :: .. ..  ... ...: :: ::::i:::i::::
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  i:iii:i:::::::::: :  .aT8888".`:. `"'  8    .:....:.   "b. ..    .... ......
  ii:::::i:::::: :  .a88888888::.:::.::..     ..:..:..:.. 88b. ...     ... ,.
  :::i:::::::::  .aT8888888888:::::i:::;::...::.::.::.::..8888Tb. ...    ...
  i::::::::::  .dT888888888888b:i:;;i:i::i:::ii::;i;;;:i:d8888TTTb  ...
  :::::::: :  dTTT8888888888888b;ii;;i;i;iii;;iii;;i;i;:d888TTTTTTb
  ::::: : :  dTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTbiiii;;iiiiiiiiiii;idTTTTTTTIITTTTP
  :::::: :   "YTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMRK""      . :
  ::: : : :: ..   """"""YTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITP"""          : .::
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  : ::::::::::i:::::::::::::::.....  .    .  .   .   .   . . :  : ::::::i:::::
  ::::::::i::::ii:i:iii:ii::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::ii:ii:i::i::
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  ::::::i::i:ii:iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii





        `888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888"
     _   "8888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888""
    / `-..`88888888888888888888888888"' `"88888888888888888888888888"..
           `8888888888888888888"'            "888888888888888888888    `.
             888888888888888"'          /         "888888888888888'     `.
              ."888888888"""-..     `.,'      `._   ""88888888888'        :
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  _______________|           |__|.- '         ` -.|__|           |______________
   .  .... . ..  `.._______..'           ..   ...    `.._______..' .. .. ..... .




              .o oOOOOOOOo                                            OOOo
              Ob.OOOOOOOo  OOOo.      oOOo.                      .adOOOOOOO
              OboO"""""""""""".OOo. .oOOOOOo.    OOOo.oOOOOOo.."""""""""'OO
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              `O'OOOO'     `OOOOo"OOOOOOOOOOO` .adOOOOOOOOO"oOOO'    `OOOOo
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            oOOOOOOOOOOOOOba.    .adOOOOOOOOOO@^OOOOOOOba.     .adOOOOOOOOOOOO
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           "OOOO"       "YOoOOOOMOIONODOO"`  .   '"OOROAOPOEOOOoOY"     "OOO"
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           `9XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX'~   ~`OOO8b   d8OOO'~   ~`XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXP'
             `9XXXXXXXXXXXP' `9XX'   DIE    `98v8P'  HUMAN   `XXP' `9XXXXXXXXXXXP'
                 ~~~~~~~       9X.          .db|db.          .XP       ~~~~~~~
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                                  :::!~!!!!!:.
                             .xUHWH!! !!?M88WHX:.
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                .... NO! ...                  ... MNO! ...
              ..... MNO!! ...................... MNNOO! ...
            ..... MMNO! ......................... MNNOO!! .
           .... MNOONNOO!   MMMMMMMMMMPPPOII!   MNNO!!!! .
            ... !O! NNO! MMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPOOOII!! NO! ....
               ...... ! MMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPOOOOIII! ! ...
              ........ MMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPOOOOOOII!! .....
              ........ MMMMMOOOOOOPPPPPPPPOOOOMII! ...
               ....... MMMMM..    OPPMMP    .,OMI! ....
                ...... MMMM::   o.,OPMP,.o   ::I!! ...
                  .... NNM:::.,,OOPM!P,.::::!! ....
                    .. MMNNNNNOOOOPMO!!IIPPO!!O! .....
                    ... MMMMMNNNNOO:!!:!!IPPPPOO! ....
                      .. MMMMMNNOOMMNNIIIPPPOO!! ......
                     ...... MMMONNMMNNNIIIOO!..........
                  ....... MN MOMMMNNNIIIIIO! OO ..........
               ......... MNO! IiiiiiiiiiiiI OOOO ...........
             ...... NNN.MNO! . O!!!!!!!!!O . OONO NO! ........
              .... MNNNNNO! ...OOOOOOOOOOO .  MMNNON!........
              ...... MNNNNO! .. PPPPPPPPP .. MMNON!........
                 ...... OO! ................. ON! .......
                    ................................


 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 ::::::::::::::::''      '''::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 ::::::::::::''  ..#####...   ''::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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 ::::::::' .##P  """"###" 9####.  ::::::::::::::::::::::::::''   '':::::::::
 :::::::  .#####m   9###   ###### '::::::::::::''  '':::''  .md#b. '':::::::
 ::::::  .#######b   ###b  ######. ':::::::::' md##b    .md###P"" ..  ::::::
 ::::::  #########b.d####bd#######  ::::::::' d######o d###P" .md###' ::::::
 ::::::  #########################  :::::::' d### 9##b  ""   d##P"  .:::::::
 ::::::  ########################'  ::::'''.d####b "" .mmd#b  ""..::::::::::
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 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::



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                     ####"##"###o        (0######"        ""
                     "##".###,##     .o#o ""####.
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            ####o ## o####   o### #### "" ####" #######. .#### ####.
            ## ## ## ## ##   ##    ##  ## ##"#. ## ## ## ## ## ##"##
            ####" ## "##"# ###"    ##  ## ## "# ## ## ## "##"# ## ##
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            ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ,// //''''''//// /////// /  :::::::::::
            ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  // //________//// ////// //  ::::::::::
            ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: '// '           ' '''// ///' ::::::::::
            ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::   .mmm#########bmmm.   '//   `::::::::
            *::::::::::::::::::::::::::::' ...  """" .. "9########mm.   --  `::::::
            :*:*::::::::::::::::::::::::  dP"9##m oP"##b  ###########b. ++++- `::::
            *:****::*:::::'    '::::::::. ##m###" #bm###  ########b.    -++++- ::::
            ******:*::::   .##m. ':::::'   """".m. """" .d###########b  -++++- ::::
            **:**:*::**: % "9###b ':::' .d###########################P   ++-  .::::
            :**:*::::::: %%    "#b  ::  '#########################"   ..    .::::::
            :*:::::       " ::: ##b :::..  '######################m0  :::::::::::::
            ::::::  ``%%xx..  : ### ::::::      ####################  :::::::::::::
            ::::: mmm %%%%%%% : ###m ::::' .########"  "0""########  ::::::::::::::
            ::::  """ %%%%%'     '9# ::::  ####"         .m########m.  ''        ''
            :::  d##b  %%%  m####m # ::::  "####mmmmm################0m  xXXXXXxx
            ::::  "" .%%%  m#P ##### :::::.  "9#########P""     9######0  XXXXXXXXX
            ::  d###b %%%  9P' ##### :::::::..           ...:::  9#####P xXXXXXXXXX
            :::. """..%%%x    m###P".::::::::::::::::::::::::'  x "9#P  xXXXXXXXXXX
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            ::::..         .::::. ##b  xXXxxxx         xxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
            :::::::::::::::::::::. "  xXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXRADIUSXXXXX

				***Magic: The Gathering sympols***
				==================================

                            ..:::::::::..
                       ..::::::Yb;::::::::::..
                    .::::::::d888Yb;::::::::::::.
                  .::::::::d8P?::::Y8a::::::::::::.
                .::::::::::::::::::::?8b::::::::::::.
               :::::::::::::::::::::::::Yb::::::::::::
              ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::88a::::::::::
             ::::::::::::::::::::::::::a888??Yb;::::::::
            .::::::::::::::::::::::::a888?:::::Yb;::::::.
            ::::::::::::::::::::::a888?::::::::::Yba:::::
            ::::::::::::::::::::a888?::::::::::::::?Yb;::
            ::::::::::::::::::a888?::::::::::::::::;d8Yb:
            `::::::::::::::a888?::::::::::::::::::;d8P?:'
             ::::::::::::a888?:::::::::::::::::::;8P::::
              ::Yb:::::a888?:::::::::::::::::::::::::::
               :::Ybad88?:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
                `:::Y88:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'
                  `:::Yb::::::::::::::::::::::::::'
                    `:::Yb::::::::::::::::::::::'
                       ``:::::::::::::::::::''
                            ``:::::::::''          "Tap symbol"


                            ..:::a:::::..
                       ..:::::::d8::::::::::..
                    .::::::::::d88b:::::::::::::.
                  .:::::::::::d8888:::::::::::::::.
                .::::::::::::d88888b::::::::::::::::.
               :::::::::::::d8888888::::::::::::::::::
              ::::::::::::d888888888b::::::::::::::::::
             ::::::::::::d88888888888b::::::::::::::::::
            .:::::::::::d88888888888888b::::::::::::::::.
            :::::::::::d888888888888888888a::::::::::::::
            ::::::::::d888888888888888b:Y88b:::::::::::::
            :::::::::d88888888888888888b:888b::::::::::::
            `::::::::8888888888888888888:Y888b::::::::::'
             ::::::::8888888888888888888::Y888::::::::::
              :::::::Y888888888888888888?:d88P:::::::::
               :::::::Y88888888888888888bd88P:::::::::
                `:::::::Y88888888888888888P:::::::::'
                  `::::::Y88888888888888P:::::::::'
                    `::::::Y8888888888P:::::::::'
                       ``::::::Y888P::::::::''
                            ``:::::::::''          "Blue Mana"


                            ..:::::::::..
                       ..:::::?Y8888888b::::..
                    .:::::d8888P:::Y8888888b::::.
                  .:::::d88888b:::::Y88P::Y888b:::.
                .::::::d8P:::::::::::88::::88888b:::.
               :::::::P:d:::::::::::d??ba:d8888888b:::
              :::::::::?::::::::::::::::::::::Y8888b:Y:
             ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Y8888b:Y:
            .::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::b::88888:8:.
            :::::::::::::::::;;:::::::;;a:::::b::888888::
            :::::::::::::::d8888baaaaa88::::::)P:888888::
            :::::::::::::d8888888888888P::::::d:d88888P::
            `:::::::::::d88888888888P::::::::d8888888P::'
             ::::::::::d88888888888P::::::d8888888P::;::
              ::::::::d888888888888::::d88888888P?:dP::
               :::::::888888888888888888888888888bdP::
                `:::::888888888888888888888888888P::'
                  `::::Y888888888888888888888P::::'
                    `::::Y8888888888888888P:::::'
                       ``:::::Y8888888baaa;:''
                            ``:::::::::''          "Red Mana"


                            ..::::;::::..
                       ..:::::::::8:::::::::..
                    .::::::db::::d8b::::::::::::.
                  .::::::::88:::d888b:::::d888::::.
                .:::::::::d88b::88888:::d888P:::::::.
               :::::::::::888888P???Y88888P:::d88:::::
              :::::888ba::888P?::aaa::?Y88::d888P::::::
             ::::::Y8888888P:aad88888baa:Y8888P:::::::::
            .::::::::Y8888P:d88888888888b:Y8P:::aaaadP::.
            :::::::::::Y8P:a8888888888888a:Y88888888P::::
            ::::aaaaaaad88:888888888888888:888888P:::::::
            ::::8888888888:?8888888888888?:d888P:::::::::
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                       ``:::::::Y8P:::::::::''
                            ``:::::::::''          "White Mana"


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                       ``:::::::::::::::::::''
                            ``:::::::::''          "Black Mana"


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                            ``:::::::::''          "Green Mana"


 
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                                              ~***~      
                                               `*'


           88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888
           88.._|      | `-.  | `.  -_-_ _-_  _-  _- -_ -  .'|   |.'|     |  _..88
           88   `-.._  |    |`!  |`.  -_ -__ -_ _- _-_-  .'  |.;'   |   _.!-'|  88
           88      | `-!._  |  `;!  ;. _______________ ,'| .-' |   _!.i'     |  88
           88..__  |     |`-!._ | `.| |_______________||."'|  _!.;'   |     _|..88
           88   |``"..__ |    |`";.| i|_|MMMMMMMMMMM|_|'| _!-|   |   _|..-|'    88
           88   |      |``--..|_ | `;!|l|MMoMMMMoMMM|1|.'j   |_..!-'|     |     88
           88   |      |    |   |`-,!_|_|MMMMP'YMMMM|_||.!-;'  |    |     |     88
           88___|______|____!.,.!,.!,!|d|MMMo * loMM|p|,!,.!.,.!..__|_____|_____88
           88      |     |    |  |  | |_|MMMMb,dMMMM|_|| |   |   |    |      |  88
           88      |     |    |..!-;'i|r|MPYMoMMMMoM|r| |`-..|   |    |      |  88
           88      |    _!.-j'  | _!,"|_|M<>MMMMoMMM|_||!._|  `i-!.._ |      |  88
           88     _!.-'|    | _."|  !;|1|MbdMMoMMMMM|l|`.| `-._|    |``-.._  |  88
           88..-i'     |  _.''|  !-| !|_|MMMoMMMMoMM|_|.|`-. | ``._ |     |``"..88
           88   |      |.|    |.|  !| |u|MoMMMMoMMMM|n||`. |`!   | `".    |     88
           88   |  _.-'  |  .'  |.' |/|_|MMMMoMMMMoM|_|! |`!  `,.|    |-._|     88
           88  _!"'|     !.'|  .'| .'|[@]MMMMMMMMMMM[@] \|  `. | `._  |   `-._  88
           88-'    |   .'   |.|  |/| /                 \|`.  |`!    |.|      |`-88
           88      |_.'|   .' | .' |/                   \  \ |  `.  | `._    |  88
           88     .'   | .'   |/|  /                     \ |`!   |`.|    `.  |  88
           88  _.'     !'|   .' | /                       \|  `  |  `.    |`.|  88
           88 vanishing point 888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888(FL)888

    

 


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              aaa@@@@@@aa   |===|||||_||      |===|_.|u|_.|+HH+|_/_/_/_/aa    a@@@@@@@@
          aa@@@@@@@@@@@@@@a |~~|~~~~\---/~-.._|--.---------.~~~`.__ _.@@@@@@a    ~~~~~~
            ~~~~~~    ~~~    \_\\ \  \/~ //\  ~,~|  __   | |`.   :||  ~~~~             
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          aaa   aaaa       a@@@@\| \  //'   |  // \`| |  `.'  .' | |  aa@@@@@@@@@@@@@a 
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         @S.C.E.S.W.@@@@a          \// |.`  ` ' /~  :-'   .'|  '/~aa                   
         ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~         a@@@|   \\ |   // .'    .'| |  |@@@@@@a                
                             a@@@@@@@\   | `| ''.'     .' | ' /@@@@@@@@@a              


          ____  _____ ___________________________________________________ _____
         |___  |    //       :-...__                       __...-:       \\    | | _ |
         |     |   //        :  `.  ~~--._           _.--~~  .'  :        \\   | |/ \|
          ___  |  //          :  `..._    ~~-.___.-~~    _..,'  :          \\  |  ____
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         |  \  |//        ..-'    :  :..  ~-._   _.-~  ..:  :    `-..        \\| |____
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               |               `.     .' ..-'     `-.. `.     .'               |   : W
         |      \                `-. .'-'             `-`. .-'                / 
         |____ |\\                 .'         ___         `.                 //|
               | \\                :      .--~   ~--.      :                // |
               |__\\_______________`.__.-~___________~-.__.'_______________//__|
                                                                                    


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         WIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD.::::::::::::::::::::::::::.WIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWI.:::::::::'mmMMMMMMMMMMMmm`::::::::.RDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZARDWIZAR.:::::::'mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMm`::::::.IZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZARDWI.::::::'mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMm`::::.ARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZARDW.::::'mMMMMMM"            "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMm`:::.DWIZARDWIZA D
         WIZARDWIZAR.::::'mMMMM"   mmMMMMMm          "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMm`:::.IZARDWIZAr
         WIZARDWIZ.::::'mMMMM mmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm          "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMZARDWIZ42
         WIZARDWI.:::'mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMm           "MMMMMMMMMMMM     ARDWIZa
         WIZARDW.:::'mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMm            MMMMMMMMM      RDWIZ  I
         WIZARD::::'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMm            mMMMMMMMMMM     RDWI   D
         WIZAR.:::'mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM    MMMM"              MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMW"   iD
         WIZA.:::'MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM           MMMm             MMMMMMMMM           .AD
         WIZA:::'mMMMMMMMMMMMMM                 MMM         mMMMMMMMMM            ARD
         WIZ.:::mMMMMMMMMMMM             M        MM       mM  MMMMMM            ZARD
         WIZ:::'MMMMMMMMMM              mMMm       MM     mM     MMM            M:ARD
         WI.:::MMMMMMMMM               mMMMMMm      MM   mM        M          mM::.RD
         WI:::'MMMMMMM                mMMMMMMM       MM mM  mM              mMM`:::RD
         WI:::mMMMMMM                mMMMMMMMM        MMM  mMMMM         mMMMMMm:::.D
         W':::MMMMMM                mMMMMMMMMMMM          mMMMMMMM   mMMMMMMMMMM:::`D
         W:::'MMMMM        mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MM        mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM`:::D
         i:::iMMMM      mMMMMM     MMMMMMMMMM   MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMi:::D
         z:::IMMM"    mMMMMMMM      MMMMMMMM                            MMMMMMMMI:::)
         a:::iMMM   mMMMMMMMMMM     MMMMMMMM                             MMMMMMMi:::D
         r:::`MMM  MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM                            MMMMMMM,:::D
         d`:::MMm mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  MM               mMMMm      MMMMMMMM:::,D
         W`:::mMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM    MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM       mMMMMMMMm:::.D
         WI:::`MMMmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM            mMMMMMMMMM        mMMMMMMMM,:::RD
         WI`:::MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM           mMMMMMMMMM          MMMMMMMMM:::'RD
         WIZ:::.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM          mMMMMMMMMM           mMMMMMMMM':::ARD
         WIZ`MMMMM"""       ""MMMMMMM         mMMMMMMMMM             MMMMMMMMm:::'ARD
         WIZA"                    "M        mMMMMMMMMM              mMMMMMMMM'::'ZARD
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         W  ZAMMMm                      mMMMMMMMMM                  MMMMMMM,:::'IZARD
         WIZARD`::Mm                  MMMMMMMMMM        mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM,:::'WIZARD
         WIZARDW`:::M              mMMMMMMMMMMM     mMMMMMMMM      MMMMMMMm::'DWIZARD
         WIZARDWI`::MM          mMMMMMMMMMMMMM   mMMMMMMMMMM             MM:'RDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZAM MM      mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  mMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmMMM:ZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZA   Mm   mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM" mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM'::::'IZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZ     M mMM.MMMMMMMMMMMMMMm mMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.::::'DWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWI    DWMm`::::"MMMMMMMMMMMMm MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM".::::'ARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDW   ARDWIZAR`:::::."MMMMMMMMMmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM".:::::'WIZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDW  ZARDWIZARDWI`:::::::.""MMMMMMMMMMMM"".::::::::'RDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDW  ZARDWIZARDWIZAR`::::::::::::::::::::::::::'WIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZAR``::::::::::::::''IZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD
         WIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARDWIZARD

           "Wizard"

            ____________________________________________________________
           |      /)      /)         |      _ ___ _  _   ___ _  __      |
           |  /) //    /)//       () |     ( ` / /| /_)   / /_)/_ /_/   |
           | /||// _  ////_  _  _ /  |    __) / /-|/ \   / / \/__/ \    |
           |  /,| /,)/////,)/ )/ )/) |           _  _   _      _ __     |
           | //||( ///////////////,| |    /|/| /( `( `// )/|/  _) / /   |
           |(/ ||/\_(_((_/( /( //\_) |   / ' |/__)__)/(_// /  /_ / /    |
           |   |_)      __//_//      |                                  |
           |                  _      |                           /|     |
           |  /\ |||| /\  /\ | \     |                          /||     |
           | </\>|||||/\>|/\|||\|    |\                        //||     |
           |  \  ||||||  |L||||/|    |\\       _.--"""""""--. // ||     |
           |   \ ||||||T||  || /     | \\   .="              "=, ||     |
           | <\/>|\/||\/|||||||\     |  \\,'                   ``.|     |
           |  \/  \/  \/ ||||||\>    |   ,                        :     |
           |                         |  .                          :    |
           | /\ |\ /| /\  /\ || />/\ |  : aMIttti==iii+iii+=;,      :   |
           |</\>| V ||/\||/\>||//</\>|  : BMMMWWWMMMBXVVYYi=;,      :___|
           | \  || |||L||||  |'/  \  |  : BBMMWWMMMMBXXVYIi;;:,,    :.__|
           |  \ ||V|||  |||  |.\   \ |  t XIBMMMMMBRXVi+==::;:::    ',  |
           |<\/>|| |||||||\/>||\\<\/>| At VY+=+IIMBi=:,,=i=;::::,    ;. |
           | \/ || |||||| \/ || \>\/ | YX=VI+=,:=WB;:::=,,::;;:;:   ;;' |
           |_________________________| VMiRtItIRBWR:.tXVVYtiI==;:  ;;Y: |
           |    //                     `XIWMMBBMRMBi;,XXRRXXVYt+;; ;A;' |
           |   //                       ViWWMBBBBBY;;,XRRRXXVi;;;:,;;;  |
           |  //                        `VMMMMWBMMY;=+XRRXVYI;:;;:,C;   |
           | //    SPACE ENERGY COMES    XRBMMMYYV+,:;XRXXIt+;:;+,+;;   |
           |<<                           `RRBMMBYt;:::+VXVi=;;:;=+;;'  /|
           | \\     FROM SUGAR SMACKS     BRBBBMMRRIttYYYY=;;;;;==;   //|
           |  \\                          VRRRRRRRXVYYttit=:::::=;   // |
           |   \\       _____              YRRRXVIYiit+++i=:;::;==  //  |
           |   //      /|===|\             +RRXIIYVI;i=;=t=;:::;:; <<   |
           |  //       || _ ||\             RRXVYi+==;;=iY;::::,;;  \\  |
           | //        ||/ \||O)            `XRXVVVYItitII=::;,::;   \\ |
           |//        [|( @ )|/]             `VRRBBXVYYIti:::,:::;    \\|
           |<         `||\_/|| |              IYVYYYIti+=:,,,:::;;     \|
           |\\         ||   [] |              IVI==;;;:,,,,Jittlov\    /|
           | \\       ,vMMR""b c,            /   "=;;;;="""        \__//|
           |  \\      VVMM$;;; $;;        __/                    __/ // |
           |   \\    ;AVMMM,,,:MM;   __---  \              ____--   <<  |
           |    \\   :VMMMn;;;IAM;_--    ,   \__________---          \\ |
           |     >>  `AMMMM,,,iCV;      /|                            \\|
           |    //    `VMMnn;;"Y",     /@|              _  _  _  _     \|
           |   //      YVMM,,,;;;     /_ |             ( `/_)/ )/ `/_/  |
           |  //       YVMMM;,,;;    '~ \|        _   __)/  (_/(_,/~\   |
           | //         YVMV;;;;:    __  `      _(_)                   /|
           |//           IMMm'__ ___(__)____   (__)_)                 //|
           |========      ___(__)_((_)_(__)_)_(_))_)_)_              << |
           |      ||    _((_((__)__(_(__(__)__)(__)_(_))      FREE    \\|
           |      ||   (__)((_(__)_))_(__)_((__)_((__)"))              \|
           |      ||   \================================/  STAR TREK    |
           |      ||  ''\______________________________/                |
           |      || //  \                            /      BADGES     |
           |      ||//    \__________________________/       ______     |
           |      | /      \            _           /                   |
           |   10 1/2 oz SIZE          (c) Paramount Pictures Corp 1969 |  
           |____________________________________________________________|  



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            ,:+|t;+MRRRX|YMMRMMRRMMRMRRRXRVVXVVtYYIIi||::                        .:.
            ,+=.,=MMMRIVRMMMRMMRRRRRRRXXVXVVYVVttttt||++.                         ..
           +t+:.+MMMMMRMMMMMMMRMRRXRXRXRXXXRXYtt|i|||=+,.                          .
           ,,.,tRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMRRXRRRRXVYVXYtIiYIiI+=: .                           
           .: ,iMRMRRMRXRRMMRMRRRRXRRRRXRXXRVYYttt+;,.                              
           .,.,|XRRRRRRRMMMMMRMRRMRRRRRRRRRRRXRYii=:.,. ..                          
           .,. :VMRMMMMMRRXRRRMMRMXRRRRXRRRRXYY++==::,,... .                        
          . ;. :YRMMRRRXtI++;|VRRMMMRRRRRVttt|;:=,:::,,,,.  .                       
           .,. :XMXYt+:.    .,+++tXXXRRRt+..                                        
             , ;X;  :=YYti;:;,;=|IYVVVtIi:        ,|==,.                            
            .;,Ii;;|iii+:,..:==;|YVXXXVY,        ==;,,:..                           
             ::Y=|=,    ,  , ,,;+IYRRXY+      =. :                                  
             .=Xt=  ..;.|.++|||YVXVRXVt,    .+VVVViI. ;.                           .
             .YRXVVYi|itVt|++||VYVVXVY+.    iYt|IIIi=:.                             
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            ,+MMMMMMRMRMMRMRVXVYYVXVti;  .,:,=||tttttii|i|=|;;...                  
            ,=RMMMMMMMMMMMMRRYXYVXVVI+.    :,=iYYtY|IYittI|i+=..                  
            ,|XRMRRRRMMMMMMMRVtVXVVIi=,     :i|iYVXXXYYIiI=+.,                   
            .=IXRMRMMMMMMMMRYIXRRMVY=,       +VVYYVXVVYIII|=...                 
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            .:;ttVVRRMMRRttVI=..i;;..          .|YVVtIII||:.                  
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             :==IYXVXXVVVRXXYVYXRRYYiIt+:;,;,:;:;=++ii|;:,.                 
           .,;++iItVVXXXXVYYtVVRRXYYYVti|=.,:.,: ...,;::; .  .             
          ..==i||tVYVVVVYYYtYVVXRXYVXVVi+=;=,:,,,    ,:;;:,...            .
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          .,;=+t||ItVYYI+:;;==,  ..,..   .        .,,,.,:.                :
          .,;iii+;+iIVi++|tVII|, .;=t=::;=i;.     =|==:=.                 .
           .,:||+;;=+YttVVVIYVRRRRRXXRRYi++:;... :+Yi+;,                  .
           :;+iiIi=;||YXXXXXtVttiiI+i|:;:,; ,;,,;+Iii;,                   :
         i ,=+|i+|=::=itXVXXVVti+;=|::,,,,,;++||i==,:                     =
         MR ,=|||=:::;|tYVYXXVXVtYYII+=+++;+IYY|=,, .                     ;.
         RRR+.+||++;,:;+IYYVVXXXRXVXXVVItiIiItt+:                         ;;
           .;=||+|=;.,.=iIYRXRXXRRRXXXVYtV|itt|;.                         ;=
          .,,=+|+=:,:   .+IYYVVYVRXRRRXY|+;++=;.                          :+,
           .,:+=;;;,;..  ,+=ItItYYYItVt|=;.,                              .+I:
           ,;;==;=;:::.. .YYI+=+;==:==;,.                                  ,.      .
           .,=;+==.,|     tYIi+++.                                                 .
            .;=:;tRR=     iXtiii||;;.                                              ,
            :|XRRRXX=      iYtt|Iiii=+;.                                            
         RRRRRXVtYYYi.      :ItIYY|=i||;+=;:.                                       
         tVXVtt+iYVVYi,       ,itYIiit||:;:,.                                       
         itYVVttIYYtIII;         .+iVYYIi+=,,.., ,=:,                             ,=
         YVXVYtiItI+|iI|,                                                      ,=::+
         tttYYiIXYi|Iii|i|                                                ,+==+=+:,+
         XtIIiYXVti|itIItI|.                                           .+||=.,:::..|
         =:;ItVIIi|+iIIIi:                                          .+++|+|;=,:===|I
         +iYVYYii|it|i|=,    . .                                 ,+==,:,=;;+;;:;=;;I
         =iIYttII|++iii|;  ..                                 :+;=+=:;,,:=;;=;;=;==i
         +IiItttItiittYi;..  .                            :|||+++=i|++=:;;+++||_c_JE

           "Kirk"     -Jens Ehlert



                      OOOOOOoooooo                        oo  111111111111111111111111
                      OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooOOOOOO 111111111111111111111111
                      OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 111111111111111111111111
           |         OOOOOOo`OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 111111`ooo`1111111111111
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          11 OOOOOo~OOOOOOOOOOOOO'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO`O OOOOO`1111 OOOOOOooooooOOOOooo
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          @@ @@ @@ @@ @@@~OOOoo~~OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO',11111OOOOOOOo~OOOOOOOOOOO'OOOOOO

           "Spock"    



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                                         \_  _/      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                                           \/



                           . . ...
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          :::::..       "YTl995PPPT77"      ..:::::::::::::  "Candle"
          :::::::::...                 ...:::::::::::::::::
          ::::::::::::::::.........::::::::::::::::::::::::  



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          ||||||||||||||||||          |||                     : ___   ::`||
          ||||||||||||||||||          `||:: `._             _.-':::::::::||
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          ||  : ________ :  |            `||:::::       |             |
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           \| ____________'
                                "The Executioner"


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            '\/  <^\      /^>               |  `   (  <   \\           The Brain"
                 _\ >-__-< /_             ,-\  ,-~~->. \   `:.___,/
                (___\    /___)           (____/    (____)    `---'   




        ?????????????????????????????????????? . ######################################
        ?????????????????????????????????????  %  #####################################
        ????????????????????????????????????  %*:  ####################################
        ???????????????????????????????????  %#*?:  ###################################
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        ???????????????????????????  ,%####*???*###*????:.  ###########################
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        ??????????????????????????????                   ##############################
        ???????????????????????????????????????*#######################################

          "Spades"     


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                                                      ]8888888^iiiiiiiii^888888]
                                                        iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
                                                            ^^^^^^^^^^^^^



        +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        | |       |\                                           -~ /     \  /          |
        |~~__     | \                                         | \/       /\          /|
        |    --   |  \                                        | / \    /    \     /   |
        |      |~_|   \                                   \___|/    \/         /      |
        |--__  |   -- |\________________________________/~~\~~|    /  \     /     \   |
        |   |~~--__  |~_|____|____|____|____|____|____|/ /  \/|\ /      \/          \/|
        |   |      |~--_|__|____|____|____|____|____|_/ /|    |/ \    /   \       /   |
        |___|______|__|_||____|____|____|____|____|__[]/_|----|    \/       \  /      |
        |  \mmmm :   | _|___|____|____|____|____|____|___|  /\|   /  \      /  \      |
        |      B :_--~~ |_|____|____|____|____|____|____|  |  |\/      \ /        \   |
        |  __--P :  |  /                                /  /  | \     /  \          /\|
        |~~  |   :  | /                                 ~~~   |  \  /      \      /   |
        |    |      |/                        .-.             |  /\          \  /     |
        |    |      /                        |   |            |/   \          /\      |
        |    |     /                        |     |            -_   \       /    \    |
        +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
        |          |  /|  |   |  2  3  4  | /~~~~~\ |       /|    |_| ....  ......... |
        |          |  ~|~ | % |           | | ~J~ | |       ~|~ % |_| ....  ......... |
        |   AMMO   |  HEALTH  |  5  6  7  |  \===/  |    ARMOR    |#| ....  ......... |
        +-----------------------------------------------------------------------------+
                  "From the people who gave you VI - NEW Ascii DOOM!" 






                                     ...,ooooooooo......
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         ____________8888888888888v.........................v888888888_____________
         :::::::::::::::::::::::::'                         :::::::::::::::::::::::
         :::::::::::::::::::::::                .:::::::    .::::::::::::::::::::::
         ::::::::::::::::::::::                 :::::::  .:::::::::::::::::::::::::
         :::::::::::::::::::::                  ::::::  ::: :::::::::::::::::::::::
         :::::::::::::::::::::.                 ::::::. :: .:::::::::::::::::::::::
         ::::::::::::::::::::::                 :::::::.  .::::::::::::::::::::::::
         :::::::::::::::::::::.           .     :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
         :::::::::::::::::::::          :::.   ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
         ::::::::::::::::::::::.::.:: :::::::.:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
         ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::Meindert+Stewart::::::




          .             -)------+====+           . "Red Five standing by."     .
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         +      -)-----====   `.   `.   .                  .
            .          -)-------+====+     . 









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 HHHIIIIIII''''





"Meriday in the Morning" by Mike Jittlov.

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Subject: SNOWWHITE
From: mark.van.hooren@onlinesys.com (Mark Van Hooren)
Date: Wed, 21 Dec 94 15:00:00 -0500

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 $$$$$$$$$$$c$$$$$> `$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$r "  !',dMMMMM,`! `" !'`.xx.`!, M' <
 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"    "$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$c  ' uMMMMMMMMn'>  !'.nMMMMn`!   <!
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         nHHHHHHnHHHn
       dHHHHHHHHHHHHHHb
      dHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHb
     dHHHHHH~~  '~~9HHHHb               ....._________    _____.........__
     HHHHH~         ~9HHH             .'              :  :                :
     HHHH:           ~HHH             `.__..--.   :~--'   ~-.       __....'
     HHHP:_nnnn   .nn.HHP                     `-. `.         :   .-~
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       ~|:.   ((_))  .:  $:$$H:::H:HH:HHHHHHHb     :  `  _:  '
        ::`.   ~ ~   ': $:$:$H):(::: :  ~HH$HHn     -. ~~  .'
         ::   -~-~- . 'H$::$H((: : :  '   HH:H$       :   :
         `::   ~~~  '/ H$$$$H\: )`  `      H$H$      .'  :
         .|::..__..-~|HHDrSH:)_..._   .===.H$HH$    .' _ `.
       _/::::::      HHH$HHH: . _ .:  . _-.:HHH$   .' : `.`.
    ..::|:::::_    _HHHHHHHH: ` ~ '   ` ~-':H$$$H :  .'  : `.
 .:::::::|::../XxxX\.HHHHH^|:              :H::::H .-'    : `.
:::::::...|../\XXXX/\HHHHH\:::      ._)    :HH$$$H :       : `-.
:..........|/..\XX/..HHHHHHn::`.          ':HHHHHH ;       :    :
...............|XX|.HHHHHHHH$:     .=-=.   :HH$HH :        `.   :
...............XXXXHHH$HHH$HH::    `...'  .$HHH$H$'          :   :
...............XXXHHHH$HH:$HH$::.       ..H$HHHH$H          '.    :
..............|XXXHHHHHH$$HHH$H:::..   .':HHHHH$H$n--.   .---'     `.__.--.
..............|XXXXHHHHHHHHH$HH:::::~~~ :HHHHHHHHHHHn :  :                 :
..............|XHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:::    :HHHHHHHHHHHHHHn   -.___.-.___..DrS.'


    THE VEX FILES  #1                    /-_-/-  \
        _                               ///--_-\\\\
       /-\.-.                           |// " \\\\|
      //=" \\\                          \/__ __\///
     /=/_  _\=                           \-/ /- |/
    //| ,  ,/=              .---.  ) )   // /   .)
   / /C   \ \ \       ( (  /_  _ \      |(__)\ /|
   |  |   "  | |           \\></ /      |_---'__/
   \\_\\_ ^ ///             \"  /      _/ \--'/ \__
    ___/ \-/\___         ___/\~/\___  / | // /\ |  \
   /    \/\\/   \           \    \   /  |/|| \_\|  |
   \  \_  \\   \ \           \_/_/\ /  / ||| _\  | |
    \ ==\-._..-| |           / |\  /  /|/ ||  \\ | |
     \  """_.--" /         _/ _| \   / || \/    \| |
     /`--""\"---"                 `-'  ||=======|/ |
    / /_/  /\ \\                       |\  .   /\_/
    \_____/  \__\                      |/| |_  \_/|
     \        /                        |:|  |   |\|
     /________\                        |:|  |   |:|
        \ ) )                          |:|  |   |:|
        / |/                           |:|  |   |:|
       .\ |                            |:|  |   |:|
      /\/_|                             "|__|___|"
     /_ |  \_                           _.' |' |
       \_\\__\                         (___(___)

  Mouldy fails to impress Scurvy with his new evidence
         _..._                                 ___ ___
      _."     "._      THE VEX FILES  #2      /-_-/-  \
   .-"/         \"-.                         ///--_-\\\\
 ."   -.__   __.-   ".                       |// " \\\\|
 \       /"""\       /                       \/____ \///
 \"-._  /\___/\  _..--.                       /-) -  |/
  "-._""-/___\-""_/    \    .---.             \/    /.)
  _/  ""-\___/-"" \    /   / _  _\            (_)    |__
         /___\     \ _/o o \ \><// o           \--'__| /
         \___/   o  / \\  \ \  "/ /        .---`-'.__./\
            ___   \/\  \   \/\o/\/       .'/"\_/""      \
           /   \     \_/    \   /      .'__| /           |
          /   \ \    / \_    \_/     .'/ /  /   /   |    |
      ___/__n__\/   _\   `   / \    c-+----'   /    |   / \
     / /  / *:              _\  \_  E_|____   /\   ___ /--'
    o  \_/) ::#  ..                  \\\\  """         \ /
       | \o :%4*:.                    \\ \              |
      _/ /_``:%:'.                     |\  \          / |
                                       | /             /
                                       \  /      |   \ \
    Mouldy reveals the real            /  _____   ____  \ DrS.
    reason for the long               `--"\  \ """\  \"-'
    raincoats.                             \  \   _\  \
                                        .__/--|  ( `--|
                                       (___.__|   `|__|
                      (   (            )  )   _____ ____
THE VEX FILES  #3      \_               _/   ///=- \-=- \  .------------.
         ___           ( "--         --" )  ///|==\//=\\ \ | It must be |
        /---\\--.       ( (      )    ) )   ||//==\//=\\\\\| demonic    |
       // /==\/-\\      \_     (       _/   \\\/     \\\|||| posession. |
      ///=/     \ \     ( "--    )  --" )    \/ _  __ \///|`-. .--------'
     |_/=/ ._  _.\=      ( (   )     ) )      \"\  /"-.\|//  |/
     / /=   ." . /=\     \_   (  (    _/      /`/ /`   ||/   '
    / / /     \  \\ \    ( "   (  )  " )     / /       .)
   | /|(.     "   || |    )(  ))) )) )(      |(__.)\  /|
   \  \\|    /-\  |/ /  __\ (()(((()( /__  _ |  ___,   |  _
    \\_\\\_  `-' /_//  |.-'   """"""  `-.| \"-\  - ____/-"/
     "   /\`\___/|/\   ||   -._ .-.     ||__\|/`---' /\| /____
   _..--'\ \  .  / /--.||   -._| | |    ||   \\ \ _ / ///     "\
  /       \_\---/   *. ||   -._|"|"|    || .*  \_/ \_///__      |
 |        \  \ /      .||   -._|.-.|    ||.      \_/ /   /      |
 |   |     \  /    *.  ||_______________||  .*   / \|   /   Y   |
            \    *.  . /.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-_\ .     | ||  /    |   |
   DrS.             . /.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-._\\ .*        /         |
                  *. /.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.\ .*
             ( (    /_____/___________\___o_\    ) )
                    \_______________________/

               Scurvy suspects a more mundane reason
               for the self-destruction of her laptop.


                                                  ___ ___
                                (             )  /-_-/-  \
  THE VEX FILES  #4                 _  _        ///--_-\\\\ .---------.
                                 ) /--/-\     ( |// " \\\\| | Woah... |
                                  /// "=\\      \/-' `-\/// | Look at `--.
                                 (=/_,._\=\    ) \^/ /^ |/  | the little |
                                 )=\_  _ |\\  (  // /   .)  | grey dude  |
                                 / / /   )\ \  )|(__)\ /| ._| go!! .-----'
                    .--------.  | (  "   |  |  *====\\__/ `--------'
                    | Tshyaa |   \*==\\_//_//  _/`- c \ \_
                    | right. |_.  _/\c \-__   / | // \/\| "\
                    `----------' / \//\/\  "\ | |/|| \  \  |
                                //  \\ \ \/ / || ||| _\  \ |
                               / \_. \\_\  /  ||/ ||  \\  '|
                               \ \\  //  \//  ||| \/    \__/
            .---.               \_/  /     \  ||\=======| |
  .---.    /_  _ \       .---.  /// /\  \_\ \ /|/| .   \|-|
 / _  _\   \\></ /      /_  _ \ /__/_ \_____/ \|:| |_   | |
 \ \><//   \\"  //      \\></ /   \        /   |:|  |   |\|
  \  "/     \\7//        \"  /    /________\   |:|  |   |:|
  _\^/       /  \         \^/_      (_(_ /     |:|  |   |:|
 //  \\_     \__/       _//  \\      | | )     |:|  |   |:|
  \__/  \     \_\__    /  \__/       | | / DrS  "|__|___|"
   \ \   ".          ."    / \      _/_/-|      _.' |' |
   /_/_    "--....--"     _\ /_    /_/__/|     (___(___)



 THE VEX FILES  #5             .-"""-.__.-"""-..__..-"""-.__.-"""-.
                              /                _  _                \
                             /                /-\/-\                \
                            (                /// "=\\                )
                          _  \              /=/_  _\=\              /
                         (_)  )             )=\. '. |\\            (
                      _      /              / / /   )\ \            \
                     (_)    (         _..--| | ___  |  |-.._         )
                   _         \      ."  _.-"\\\`-'_//_//._  ".      /
      ____ ____   (_)         )     `._ ""-..__\-'/__..-"" _.'     (
     //=- \-=-  \            /         "-._   -.  .-   _.-"         \
    ////=\\/==\\ \          (     .--.  ___\\        //__   .--.     )
   //|//=\\/==\\||           \   '""\ \/o_o\/  .__.  \/ o\_/o/""`   /
   ||||//     \///            )      \o_/ \_o_/"__"\__o/\_o_/      (
   |\\\/  _  _ \/            /   .--.   ____/  "__"  \___    .--.   \
    \|/.-"\  /"/            (   '""\o\_/o__o_/ "__" \_o_o\__/ /""`   )
     ||  --\ \-\             \      \_o_/  \          / \_o_o/      /
     (.       \ \             \                               DrS  /
      |    (.__)|              "-.___.-""-.__.-"""-.__.-""-.____.-"
    _ |  /.___  | _
    \"-\___ - _/-"/        Mouldy likes to fantasise about Scurvy naked.
   __\ |/\`---'\|/___
        \ \__/ /

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fun

“Yo momma is so” jokes, fat, stupid, ugly, short, hairy, nasty, skinny, old, poor, smelly

June 14th 2010 ephestione 1 Comment

Yo Momma Is So Fat… (110)
Yo Momma Is So Stupid… (100)
Yo Momma Is So Ugly… (100)
Yo Momma Is So Short… (30)
Yo Momma Is So Hairy… (20)
Yo Momma Is So Nasty… (20)
Yo Momma Is So Skinny… (20)
Yo Momma Is So Old… (10)
Yo Momma Is So Poor… (10)
Yo Momms Is So Smelly… (10)

[top]Yo momma is so fat…

…the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
…when she weighs herself the scale says "To be continued…"
…when she sits on a dollar, blood rushes out George Washington’s nose!
…she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth!
…her belly-button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
…when she walks in front of the T.V. you miss out on 3 commercials!
…people jog around her for exercise!
…she makes big bird look like a rubber duckie!
…she plays pool with the planets.
…it took 25 minutes to download a picture of her from the Internet.
…the telephone company gave her two area codes!
…when she ran out into the road in front of me, I tried to swerve round, but ran out of petrol.
…that after sex I rolled over twice and I was still on the bitch.
…the Goodyear blimp accidently flew into her mouth!
…when you get on top of her your ears pop!
…she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
…when she wears a yellow raincoat, people shout "Taxi!"
…when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions
…her feet need license plates!
…that she has to use a VCR for a pager.
…she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
…NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
…when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
…she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
…she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagon!
…whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
…she got to iron her pants on the driveway
…when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.
…when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
…when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
…"Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
…at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
…after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week.
…even her shadow has stretch marks.
…a picture of her fell off the wall!
…Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
…all the restaurants in town have signs that says: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mamma"
…every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
…her ass has it’s own congressman.
…all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
…her belt size is the equator.
…her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
…her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
…her driver’s license says "Picture continued on other side."
…her nickname is "Damn."
…her tailor takes her measurements in light years.
…her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
…her college graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
…her skates went flat.
…her blood type is Ragu.
…I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
…if she got her shoes shined, she’d have to take his word for it!
…I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her.
…instead of Levi’s 501 jeans, she wears Levi’s 1002’s.
…I saw her in New York, and when I told my friend in LA, he’d seen her too.
…NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the ozone layer.
…last time she went to Sea World Shamu got a hard on.
…I saw a picture of her in a magazine on page 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
…if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
…I gain weight just by watching her eat.
…on a scale of 1 to 10, she’s a 747.
…she bungee jumped and went straight to hell.
…she could sell shade.
…she don’t eat Wheat Thins, she eats Wheat Thicks.
…she can’t stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
…she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn’t change.
…one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.
…she can’t tie her own shoes.
…she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
…no one can talk behind her back.
…she eats cereal out of a satellite dish.
…she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it’s-coming-towards-us!
…she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.
…she had to roll over 4 times just to get an even tan.
…she don’t wear a G-String, she wears an A, B, C, D, E, F, G-String.
…she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole.
…she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
…she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
…she fell off a boat and the captain yelled "Land Ho!"
…she has to get out of the car to change gears.
…she wakes up in sections.
…she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone.
…she went on a light diet… As soon as it’s light she starts eating.
…she’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
…she’s on both sides of the family.
…the body snatchers called home for backup.
…she’s moving the Earth out of its orbit.
…she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
…she wears an asteroid belt.
…she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.
…she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub.
…she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
…she masturbates reading cookbooks.
…she needs a road map to find her ass.
…she made weight watchers go blind.
…she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
…she sat in Big Foot and made it a lowrider.
…she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Seattle, NY.
…she makes Free Willy look like a Tic-Tac.
…she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big.
…she sat on a rowing machine and it sank.
…she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
…she sat on the corner and the police came & said "Break it up!"
…she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to "Get the fuck off."
…she uses a mattress for a maxi-pad.
…she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H d.
…she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number.
…she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out.
…she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Please step out of the car."
…she sat on a dollar and made change.

[top]Yo momma is so stupid…

…at bottom of application where it says Sign Here – she put Sagittarius.
…when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino.
…I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail.
…I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.
…I taught her how to do the running man and I haven’t seen the bitch since.
…her shirt says TGIF- tits go in first.
…her shoes say TGIF- toes go in front.
…I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
…her idea of safe sex is locking the car doors.
…that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
…if brains were gas she wouldn’t have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Fruit Loop.
…it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
…on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.
…she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.
…if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you’d get change.
…she asked you "What is the number for 911".
…she asked for a price check at the dollar store.
…it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
…if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
…if brains were dynamite, she wouldn’t have enough to blow her nose.
…she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
…she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
…she died before the police arrived because she couldn’t find the "11" button in "9-1-1"
…she gave your uncle a blowjob ’cause he said it’d help his unemployment.
…she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s.
…she got fired from a blow-job.
…she got a part time job painting skittles.
…she fell up the stairs.
…she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses.
…she can’t make Jello because she can’t fit 2 quarts of water in the box.
…she got hit by a parked car.
…she had Dan Quayle check her spelling.
…she jumped out the window and went up.
…she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.
…she ordered her sushi well done.
…she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald’s and said "Hold the cheese."
…she married Yo daddy.
…she invented a solar powered flashlight.
…she got shot running to the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial.
…she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.
…she put a peephole in a glass door.
…she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept.
…she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.
…she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
…she sold the house to pay the mortgage.
…she stands up on an empty bus.
…she sold the car for gas money.
…she said "what’s that letter after x" and I said Y she said "Cause I want to know".
…she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum.
…she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gum ball to come out.
…she studied for a blood test and failed.
…she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass.
…she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
…she thinks socialism means partying!
…she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.
…she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest.
…she thinks stereotype is the brand on her clock-radio.
…she thinks sexual battery is something in a dildo.
…she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg’s holiday album.
…she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.
…she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.
…she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.
…she thought she could get food stamps at the post office.
…she thought meow mix was a record for cats.
…she thought hamburger helper came with another person.
…she thought asphalt was a skin disease.
…she thought menopause was a button on the VCR.
…she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.
…she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center.
…she thought a quarterback was a refund.
…she wouldn’t know up from down if she had three guesses.
…they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade.
…when her husband lost his marbles she bought him new ones.
…the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth.
…she wiped her ass before she took a shit.
…she was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin’ "Free Lays!"
…she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed.
…she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.
…she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
…she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
…she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
…she thought the Internet was something you catch fish with.
…she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
…she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.
…she tried to drown a fish.
…she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.
…she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jiff.
…she took lessons for a player piano.
…she told everyone that she was "illegitimate" because she couldn’t read.
…she thought Thailand was a men’s clothing store.
…she tried to drown herself in a carpool.
…she tried to mail a letter with food stamps.
…she tried to steal a free sample.
…she tried to throw a bird off a cliff.
…she used a vibrator for an egg beater.
…she tripped over a cordless phone.
…she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.
…she tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone.
…she tried to melt squeeze Parkay.
…she tried to insult you and started with "Yo mama’s so…"

[top]Yo momma is so ugly…

…even a blind man wouldn’t have sex with her.
…her dentist treats her by mail-order.
…her pillow cries at night.
…even the elephant man paid to see her.
…her shadow quit.
…her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
…her face is closed on weekends!
…Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant.
…even the tide won’t come back in.
…even Bill Clinton wouldn’t sleep with her.
…I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.
…I can fuck her in any position and its still doggy style.
…I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."
…if you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would be next to it.
…it looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym.
…if she were a scarecrow, the corn would run away.
…instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.
…I took her to the zoo and the monkeys said "Damn, how’d you get out so fast."
…I have to watch your sister undress just to calm down.
…her shadow ran away from her.
…it looks like she’s been bobbing for French fries.
…people go as her for Halloween.
…roaches go "Hi mom!"
…she could be the poster child for birth control!
…she can’t even bare the thought of fucking herself.
…Rice Krispies won’t talk to her.
…she can look up a camel’s butt and scare the hump off of it.
…people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don’t get stolen.
…just after she was born, her mama said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let’s go bury it."
…it makes me wish birth control is retroactive.
…she didn’t get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit with the ugly log.
…she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.
…she could scare the flies off a shit wagon.
…she has a sign in her yard that says "Beware of Dog."
…she could scare the moss off a rock!
…she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror.
…she could only be Yo mamma.
…she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.
…she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
…she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
…she has to creep up on her makeup.
…she has to trick or treat over the phone.
…she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork.
…she looks like you.
…she makes onions cry.
…she entered the ugly contest and the judge said, "Sorry, no professionals."
…she makes blind children cry.
…she looks like she’s been in a dryer filled with rocks.
…she has to get the baby drunk to breast feed it.
…she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning.
…she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.
…she threw a boomerang and it wouldn’t even come back.
…she was a guard for Castle Greyskull.
…that if ugly were an Olympic event, she would be the dream team.
…the doctor is still smacking her ass.
…she’s never seen herself ’cause the mirrors keep breaking.
…she pretends she’s someone else when she’s having sex.
…she’d scare the monster out of Loch Ness.
…she tied a pork chop around her neck and the dog still wouldn’t play with her.
…she scares roaches away.
…yo dad first met her at the pound.
…that if ugly were a crime, she’d get the electric chair.
…that when she was a baby, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot.
…when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"
…that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
…when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
…yo daddy tosses the ugly stick and she fetches it every time.
…she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
…yo father takes her to work just so he doesn’t have to kiss her good-bye.
…when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
…the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
…the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
…they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
…they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
…the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train.
…they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!
…the kids call her Lassie
…they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
…the Pro-Lifers would make an exception in her case.
…the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it.
…they rub tree branches on her face to make ugly sticks.
…when she cries, tears run down the back of her neck.
…when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks.
…when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains.
…when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes.
…when she masturbates she gets arrested for cruelty to animals.
…they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty.
…when she gets up, the sun goes down.
…we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation.
…they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
…when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.
…when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows.
…when she was born the doctor smacked everyone.
…when she went camping, the park ranger was like "Hey Yogi!"
…when two guys broke into her apartment, she yelled "rape" and they yelled "NO!"
…when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border.
…when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her.
…when she was born the doctor looked at her ass, then her face, and said "Twins!"
…when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.
…when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes.

[top]Yo momma is so short…

…she poses for trophies.
…when she sneezes, she hits her head on the floor.
…she can limbo under the door.
…she does pull-ups on a staple.
…she can do push-ups under the door.
…she don’t roll dice, she pushes them.
…when I was dissin’ her she tried to jump kick me in the ankle.
…she can play handball on the curb.
…she has to cuff her underwear.
…I’m nuts over her.
…she uses a condom for a sleeping bag.
…her homies are the Keebler Elfs.
…her best friend is an ant.
…she can hang glide on a Dorito.
…she needs a ladder to pick up a dime.
…she can do backflips under the bed.
…she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.
…she be jumping off curbs talkin’ bout "Weeee!"
…she broke her leg jumping off the toilet.
…she can sit on a dime and eat off a nickel.
…she has to reach up to tie her shoes.
…she’s afraid to get off the carpet alone.
…she’s a teller at a piggy bank.
…she tried to commit suicide with a pin.
…she can take a bath in a thimble.
…you can see her feet on her driver’s license.
…she had to stand on three phonebooks to blow yo dad.
…she doesn’t have legs, she has feet growing out her ass.
…she can surf on a popsicle stick.
…she can suck my dick standing up.

[top]Yo momma is so hairy…

…she looks like Bigfoot in a tank top.
…her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.
…she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on.
…they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
…when I took her to a pet store they locked her in a cage.
…she has afros on her nipples.
…when she went to Remington and said "Shave this!" the salesman died laughing.
…if she could fly she’d look like a magic carpet.
…when she goes to the circus the bearded lady protests against non-union workers.
…Bigfoot took a picture of her.
…she’s a stunt double for Chewbacca in Star Wars.
…she shaved her ass and she disappeared.
…she spread her legs and said, "We’re going to Bush Gardens."
…if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.
…she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.
…she has dreadlocks on her back.
…she shaves with a weedwacker.
…her breasts look like coconuts.
…people run up to her and say "Chewie, can I get your autograph?"
…you almost died of rug burn at birth.

[top]Yo momma is so nasty…

…a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.
…her tits give sour milk.
…I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.
…she bought her boyfriend kneepads for Christmas.
…she calls Janet "Miss Jackson."
…she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."
…she bit the dog and gave it rabies.
…she breeds crabs.
…I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
…her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.
…she made Right Guard turn left.
…she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.
…she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.
…they call her Norelco… Home of the triple head.
…when she did the splits, she stuck to the floor.
…she’s got more clap than an auditorium.
…she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.
…she pours salt water in her drawers to keep the crabs alive.
…she made Speed Stick slow down.
…she has more crabs then Red Lobster.

[top]Yo momma is so skinny…

…she only has one stripe on her pajamas.
…she can dodge rain drops.
…she can see out the peephole with both eyes.
…when she wore her yellow dress, she looked like a #2 pencil.
…if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue, she would look like a zipper.
…if she had a sesame seed on her head, she’d look like a push pin.
…she looks like a mic stand.
…she turned sideways and disappeared.
…her nipples touch.
…I could blind-fold her with dental floss.
…if she had dreads I’d grab her by the ankles and use her to mop the floor.
…you can save her from drowning by tossing her a Cheerio.
…her pants have one belt loop.
…she can hula hoop in a fruit loop.
…if she had a yeast infection she’d be a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
…I gave her a piece of popcorn and she went into a coma.
…she had to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.
…when she takes a bath and lets the water out, her toes get caught in the drain.
…she has to run around in the shower to get wet.
…she has to wear skis in the shower.

[top]Yo momma is so old…

…her memory is in black and white.
…she drove a chariot to high school.
…she has a Jesus Starter jacket.
…she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
…she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
…she used to baby-sit Yoda.
…she DJ’d at the Boston Tea Party.
…she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.
…she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.
…Jurassic Park brought back memories.

[top]Yo momma is so poor…

…she can’t afford to pay attention!
…when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers!
…her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
…she drives a peanut.
…when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
…she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on layaway.
…she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
…she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin’?" She said, "Buying luggage."
…your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
…when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

[top]Yo momma is so smelly

…the only dis I want to give her is a disinfectant.
…she made her Right Guard call for backup.
…a blind man walking by her asked "How much for the shrimp platter?"
…next to her a skunk smells sweet.
…that her shit is glad to escape.
…she was playing in a sand box and a cat came along and buried her.
…when she spreads her legs I get sea sick.
…she made Right Guard go left, Speed Stick slow down, and Ban come off strike.
…when you were being delivered, the doctor was wearing the oxygen mask.
…even dogs won’t sniff her crotch.

fun

Quotes by Groucho Marx

June 14th 2010 ephestione Leave a comment

I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.
Marriage is a wonderful institution…if, of course, you like living in an institution.
I know, I know, you’re a woman who’s been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten your brakes, but you’ll have to stay in the garage all night.
Althought it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Blood’s not thicker than money. I cannot say that I do not disagree with you.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
She’s afraid that if she leaves, she’ll become the life of the party.
You’ve forgotten those June nights at the Riviera… the night I drank champagne from your slipper–two quarts. It would had been more but you were wearing inner soles.
I drink to make other eople interesting.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Now there’s a man with an open mind – you can fell the breeze from here!
There is only one way to find if a man is honest…ask him. If he says ‘yes’, you know he is crooked.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit…retire!
You get a canoe later and I’ll paddle you.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.
I’ve had a perfect wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
My mother loved children—she would have given anything if I had been one.
I’d horsewhip you if I had a horse.
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
I’m going to Iowa for an award. Then I’m appearing at Carnegie Hall, it’s sold out. Then I’m sailing to France to be honoured by the French government. I’d give it all up for one erection.
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
Ice water? Get some onions – that’ll make your eyes water!
Go, and never darken my towels again.
Time flies like an arrow. Time wounds all heels. So just what ARE time flies, and why do they fly like an ARROW?
Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me?
"Mommy, mommy! The garbage man is here!" "Well, tell him we don’t want any!"
Who are you going to believe, me or your lyin’ eyes?
Behind every succesful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.
Remember man, you’re fighting for the lady’s honour; which is probably more than she ever did.
Oh are you from Wales?? Do you know a fella named Jonah?? He used to live in whales for a while.
Look, if you don’t like like my parties, you can live in an huff. If it’s too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. If you can’t find that, you can leave in a taxi.
Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren’t developed… But we’re going back next week.
I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy.
I was married by a judge. should have asked for a jury.
If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
I’ll never forget my wedding day… they threw vitamin pills.
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip.
I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago… I shot my broker.
As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
"Do you believe in computer dating?" Groucho:"Only if the computers really love each other"
Groucho:"How did you met your wife?" "A friend of mine" Groucho: "Do you still regard him as a friend?"
"She kicked me under the table" Groucho:"Really?? And did you remain there?"
"Oh, it’s right on the edge of my tongue" Groucho:"Well, stick your tongue out"
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I’d rather dance with the cows till you come home.
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
I’m not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.
You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?
You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it.
It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Groucho:"So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?" "Yes, thirteen." Groucho:"Thirteen! Good lord, isn’t that a burden?" "Well, I love my husband." Groucho:"Lady, I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while."
I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.
Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?
I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of your fellow man.
Groucho:"How much am I paying you folks?" "Five thousand a year. But we’ve never been paid!" Groucho:"Well in that case I’ll raise it to eight thousand."
Why don’t you bore a hole into your head and let the sap run out?
Well, Art is Art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh… Now you tell me what you know.
"I’m a big fan of yours, Groucho." Groucho:"If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan."
"This is a gala day for you." Groucho: "Well, a gal a day is enough for me. I don’t think I could handle any more."
You’re heading for a breakdown. Why don’t you pull yourself to pieces?
Groucho: "Well whadaya say girls? Are we all gonna get married?" Woman: "All of us? But that’s bigamy!" Groucho: "Yes, and it’s big-a-me too."
I’ve been around so long I can remember Doris Day before she was a virgin.
If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don’t come running to me.
Budget: a way of going broke methodically.
Whatever it is I’m against it.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately, the resemblance doesn’t end there.
How do you feel about women’s rights ? I like either side of them.
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!
Mrs. Teasdale: "He’s had a change of heart." Groucho "A lot of good that’ll do him. He’s still got the same face."
Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put ‘Emily, I love you’ on the back of the bill.
To Margret Dumont: "I can see you and I married. I can see you bending over the stove. I can’t see the stove!
Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn’t time to dig trenches. We’ll have to buy them ready made.
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

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