- Yo Momma Is So Fat… (110)
- Yo Momma Is So Stupid… (100)
- Yo Momma Is So Ugly… (100)
- Yo Momma Is So Short… (30)
- Yo Momma Is So Hairy… (20)
- Yo Momma Is So Nasty… (20)
- Yo Momma Is So Skinny… (20)
- Yo Momma Is So Old… (10)
- Yo Momma Is So Poor… (10)
- Yo Momms Is So Smelly… (10)
[top]Yo momma is so fat…
- …the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
- …when she weighs herself the scale says "To be continued…"
- …when she sits on a dollar, blood rushes out George Washington’s nose!
- …she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth!
- …her belly-button doesn’t have lint, it has sweaters.
- …when she walks in front of the T.V. you miss out on 3 commercials!
- …people jog around her for exercise!
- …she makes big bird look like a rubber duckie!
- …she plays pool with the planets.
- …it took 25 minutes to download a picture of her from the Internet.
- …the telephone company gave her two area codes!
- …when she ran out into the road in front of me, I tried to swerve round, but ran out of petrol.
- …that after sex I rolled over twice and I was still on the bitch.
- …the Goodyear blimp accidently flew into her mouth!
- …when you get on top of her your ears pop!
- …she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
- …when she wears a yellow raincoat, people shout "Taxi!"
- …when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions
- …her feet need license plates!
- …that she has to use a VCR for a pager.
- …she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
- …NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
- …when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
- …she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
- …she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagon!
- …whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
- …she got to iron her pants on the driveway
- …when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.
- …when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
- …when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
- …"Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
- …at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
- …after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week.
- …even her shadow has stretch marks.
- …a picture of her fell off the wall!
- …Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
- …all the restaurants in town have signs that says: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Yo Mamma"
- …every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
- …her ass has it’s own congressman.
- …all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
- …her belt size is the equator.
- …her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
- …her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
- …her driver’s license says "Picture continued on other side."
- …her nickname is "Damn."
- …her tailor takes her measurements in light years.
- …her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
- …her college graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
- …her skates went flat.
- …her blood type is Ragu.
- …I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
- …if she got her shoes shined, she’d have to take his word for it!
- …I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her.
- …instead of Levi’s 501 jeans, she wears Levi’s 1002’s.
- …I saw her in New York, and when I told my friend in LA, he’d seen her too.
- …NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the ozone layer.
- …last time she went to Sea World Shamu got a hard on.
- …I saw a picture of her in a magazine on page 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
- …if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
- …I gain weight just by watching her eat.
- …on a scale of 1 to 10, she’s a 747.
- …she bungee jumped and went straight to hell.
- …she could sell shade.
- …she don’t eat Wheat Thins, she eats Wheat Thicks.
- …she can’t stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
- …she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn’t change.
- …one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.
- …she can’t tie her own shoes.
- …she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
- …no one can talk behind her back.
- …she eats cereal out of a satellite dish.
- …she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it’s-coming-towards-us!
- …she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.
- …she had to roll over 4 times just to get an even tan.
- …she don’t wear a G-String, she wears an A, B, C, D, E, F, G-String.
- …she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole.
- …she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
- …she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
- …she fell off a boat and the captain yelled "Land Ho!"
- …she has to get out of the car to change gears.
- …she wakes up in sections.
- …she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone.
- …she went on a light diet… As soon as it’s light she starts eating.
- …she’s got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
- …she’s on both sides of the family.
- …the body snatchers called home for backup.
- …she’s moving the Earth out of its orbit.
- …she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
- …she wears an asteroid belt.
- …she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.
- …she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub.
- …she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
- …she masturbates reading cookbooks.
- …she needs a road map to find her ass.
- …she made weight watchers go blind.
- …she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
- …she sat in Big Foot and made it a lowrider.
- …she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Seattle, NY.
- …she makes Free Willy look like a Tic-Tac.
- …she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big.
- …she sat on a rowing machine and it sank.
- …she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
- …she sat on the corner and the police came & said "Break it up!"
- …she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to "Get the fuck off."
- …she uses a mattress for a maxi-pad.
- …she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H d.
- …she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number.
- …she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out.
- …she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Please step out of the car."
- …she sat on a dollar and made change.
[top]Yo momma is so stupid…
- …at bottom of application where it says Sign Here – she put Sagittarius.
- …when I gave her a dollar and asked for a quater back, she gave me Dan Marino.
- …I saw her walking down the street yelling into an envelope, asked what she was doing, and she said sending a voice mail.
- …I told her Christmas was just around the corner and she went looking for it.
- …I taught her how to do the running man and I haven’t seen the bitch since.
- …her shirt says TGIF- tits go in first.
- …her shoes say TGIF- toes go in front.
- …I saw her in the frozen food section with a fishing rod.
- …her idea of safe sex is locking the car doors.
- …that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
- …if brains were gas she wouldn’t have enough to power a flea-mobile around the inside of a Fruit Loop.
- …it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
- …on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.
- …she bought a video camera to record cable TV shows at home.
- …if you gave her a penny for her intelligence you’d get change.
- …she asked you "What is the number for 911".
- …she asked for a price check at the dollar store.
- …it takes her an hour to cook minute rice.
- …if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
- …if brains were dynamite, she wouldn’t have enough to blow her nose.
- …she called the 7-11 to see when they closed.
- …she cooked her own complimentary breakfast.
- …she died before the police arrived because she couldn’t find the "11" button in "9-1-1"
- …she gave your uncle a blowjob ’cause he said it’d help his unemployment.
- …she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s.
- …she got fired from a blow-job.
- …she got a part time job painting skittles.
- …she fell up the stairs.
- …she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if I gave her two guesses.
- …she can’t make Jello because she can’t fit 2 quarts of water in the box.
- …she got hit by a parked car.
- …she had Dan Quayle check her spelling.
- …she jumped out the window and went up.
- …she needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.
- …she ordered her sushi well done.
- …she ordered a cheese burger from McDonald’s and said "Hold the cheese."
- …she married Yo daddy.
- …she invented a solar powered flashlight.
- …she got shot running to the border after seeing a Taco Bell commercial.
- …she got hit by a cup and told the police that she got mugged.
- …she put a peephole in a glass door.
- …she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept.
- …she ran out of gas leaving Texaco.
- …she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
- …she sold the house to pay the mortgage.
- …she stands up on an empty bus.
- …she sold the car for gas money.
- …she said "what’s that letter after x" and I said Y she said "Cause I want to know".
- …she put on a coat to chew winterfresh gum.
- …she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gum ball to come out.
- …she studied for a blood test and failed.
- …she thinks a sanitary belt is drinking a shot out of a clean glass.
- …she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
- …she thinks socialism means partying!
- …she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.
- …she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest.
- …she thinks stereotype is the brand on her clock-radio.
- …she thinks sexual battery is something in a dildo.
- …she thinks Christmas Wrap is Snoop Dogg’s holiday album.
- …she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.
- …she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.
- …she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.
- …she thought she could get food stamps at the post office.
- …she thought meow mix was a record for cats.
- …she thought hamburger helper came with another person.
- …she thought asphalt was a skin disease.
- …she thought menopause was a button on the VCR.
- …she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.
- …she thought Boyz2Men was a daycare center.
- …she thought a quarterback was a refund.
- …she wouldn’t know up from down if she had three guesses.
- …they had to burn the school down to get her out of 3rd grade.
- …when her husband lost his marbles she bought him new ones.
- …the first time she used a vibrator, she cracked her two front teeth.
- …she wiped her ass before she took a shit.
- …she was on the corner giving out potato chips yellin’ "Free Lays!"
- …she went to the Gap to get her teeth fixed.
- …she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.
- …she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
- …she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
- …she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
- …she thought the Internet was something you catch fish with.
- …she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
- …she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.
- …she tried to drown a fish.
- …she thought the board of education was a piece of wood.
- …she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jiff.
- …she took lessons for a player piano.
- …she told everyone that she was "illegitimate" because she couldn’t read.
- …she thought Thailand was a men’s clothing store.
- …she tried to drown herself in a carpool.
- …she tried to mail a letter with food stamps.
- …she tried to steal a free sample.
- …she tried to throw a bird off a cliff.
- …she used a vibrator for an egg beater.
- …she tripped over a cordless phone.
- …she tried to wake up a sleeping bag.
- …she tried to strangle herself with a cordless phone.
- …she tried to melt squeeze Parkay.
- …she tried to insult you and started with "Yo mama’s so…"
[top]Yo momma is so ugly…
- …even a blind man wouldn’t have sex with her.
- …her dentist treats her by mail-order.
- …her pillow cries at night.
- …even the elephant man paid to see her.
- …her shadow quit.
- …her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
- …her face is closed on weekends!
- …Greenpeace mistook her for an endangered elephant.
- …even the tide won’t come back in.
- …even Bill Clinton wouldn’t sleep with her.
- …I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application.
- …I can fuck her in any position and its still doggy style.
- …I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said "Thanks for bringing her back."
- …if you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would be next to it.
- …it looks like she ran the 100 yard dash in a 90 yard gym.
- …if she were a scarecrow, the corn would run away.
- …instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.
- …I took her to the zoo and the monkeys said "Damn, how’d you get out so fast."
- …I have to watch your sister undress just to calm down.
- …her shadow ran away from her.
- …it looks like she’s been bobbing for French fries.
- …people go as her for Halloween.
- …roaches go "Hi mom!"
- …she could be the poster child for birth control!
- …she can’t even bare the thought of fucking herself.
- …Rice Krispies won’t talk to her.
- …she can look up a camel’s butt and scare the hump off of it.
- …people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don’t get stolen.
- …just after she was born, her mama said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let’s go bury it."
- …it makes me wish birth control is retroactive.
- …she didn’t get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit with the ugly log.
- …she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares.
- …she could scare the flies off a shit wagon.
- …she has a sign in her yard that says "Beware of Dog."
- …she could scare the moss off a rock!
- …she has 7 years bad luck just trying to look at herself in the mirror.
- …she could only be Yo mamma.
- …she got a sex change and the surgeon had to flip a coin.
- …she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
- …she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
- …she has to creep up on her makeup.
- …she has to trick or treat over the phone.
- …she looks like her face caught on fire and they put it out with a fork.
- …she looks like you.
- …she makes onions cry.
- …she entered the ugly contest and the judge said, "Sorry, no professionals."
- …she makes blind children cry.
- …she looks like she’s been in a dryer filled with rocks.
- …she has to get the baby drunk to breast feed it.
- …she looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning.
- …she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.
- …she threw a boomerang and it wouldn’t even come back.
- …she was a guard for Castle Greyskull.
- …that if ugly were an Olympic event, she would be the dream team.
- …the doctor is still smacking her ass.
- …she’s never seen herself ’cause the mirrors keep breaking.
- …she pretends she’s someone else when she’s having sex.
- …she’d scare the monster out of Loch Ness.
- …she tied a pork chop around her neck and the dog still wouldn’t play with her.
- …she scares roaches away.
- …yo dad first met her at the pound.
- …that if ugly were a crime, she’d get the electric chair.
- …that when she was a baby, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot.
- …when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"
- …that if ugly were bricks she’d have her own projects.
- …when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
- …yo daddy tosses the ugly stick and she fetches it every time.
- …she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
- …yo father takes her to work just so he doesn’t have to kiss her good-bye.
- …when your dad wants to have sex in the car, he tells her to get out.
- …the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
- …the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
- …they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
- …they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
- …the last time she heard a whistle was when she got hit by a train.
- …they know what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock!
- …the kids call her Lassie
- …they didn’t give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
- …the Pro-Lifers would make an exception in her case.
- …the last time I saw something that looked like her, I pinned a tail on it.
- …they rub tree branches on her face to make ugly sticks.
- …when she cries, tears run down the back of her neck.
- …when she looks in the mirror, the reflection ducks.
- …when she moved into the projects, all her neighbors chipped in for curtains.
- …when she passes by a bathroom the toilet flushes.
- …when she masturbates she gets arrested for cruelty to animals.
- …they put her face on box of Ex-Lax and sold it empty.
- …when she gets up, the sun goes down.
- …we put her in the kennel when we go on vacation.
- …they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
- …when she walks in the kitchen, the rats jump on the table and start screaming.
- …when she was born she was put in an incubator with tinted windows.
- …when she was born the doctor smacked everyone.
- …when she went camping, the park ranger was like "Hey Yogi!"
- …when two guys broke into her apartment, she yelled "rape" and they yelled "NO!"
- …when she went to Taco Bell everyone ran for the border.
- …when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her.
- …when she was born the doctor looked at her ass, then her face, and said "Twins!"
- …when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.
- …when she takes her bra off she looks like she has four big toes.
[top]Yo momma is so short…
- …she poses for trophies.
- …when she sneezes, she hits her head on the floor.
- …she can limbo under the door.
- …she does pull-ups on a staple.
- …she can do push-ups under the door.
- …she don’t roll dice, she pushes them.
- …when I was dissin’ her she tried to jump kick me in the ankle.
- …she can play handball on the curb.
- …she has to cuff her underwear.
- …I’m nuts over her.
- …she uses a condom for a sleeping bag.
- …her homies are the Keebler Elfs.
- …her best friend is an ant.
- …she can hang glide on a Dorito.
- …she needs a ladder to pick up a dime.
- …she can do backflips under the bed.
- …she has to get a running start to get up on the toilet.
- …she be jumping off curbs talkin’ bout "Weeee!"
- …she broke her leg jumping off the toilet.
- …she can sit on a dime and eat off a nickel.
- …she has to reach up to tie her shoes.
- …she’s afraid to get off the carpet alone.
- …she’s a teller at a piggy bank.
- …she tried to commit suicide with a pin.
- …she can take a bath in a thimble.
- …you can see her feet on her driver’s license.
- …she had to stand on three phonebooks to blow yo dad.
- …she doesn’t have legs, she has feet growing out her ass.
- …she can surf on a popsicle stick.
- …she can suck my dick standing up.
[top]Yo momma is so hairy…
- …she looks like Bigfoot in a tank top.
- …her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock.
- …she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on.
- …they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.
- …when I took her to a pet store they locked her in a cage.
- …she has afros on her nipples.
- …when she went to Remington and said "Shave this!" the salesman died laughing.
- …if she could fly she’d look like a magic carpet.
- …when she goes to the circus the bearded lady protests against non-union workers.
- …Bigfoot took a picture of her.
- …she’s a stunt double for Chewbacca in Star Wars.
- …she shaved her ass and she disappeared.
- …she spread her legs and said, "We’re going to Bush Gardens."
- …if I shaved her legs, I could supply wigs for the entire Hair Club for Men.
- …she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.
- …she has dreadlocks on her back.
- …she shaves with a weedwacker.
- …her breasts look like coconuts.
- …people run up to her and say "Chewie, can I get your autograph?"
- …you almost died of rug burn at birth.
[top]Yo momma is so nasty…
- …a skunk smelled her ass and passed out.
- …her tits give sour milk.
- …I talked to her over the computer and she gave me a virus.
- …she bought her boyfriend kneepads for Christmas.
- …she calls Janet "Miss Jackson."
- …she has a sign by her pussy that says: "Warning: May cause irritation, drowsiness, and a rash or breakouts."
- …she bit the dog and gave it rabies.
- …she breeds crabs.
- …I called her up for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
- …her crabs use her tampon string as a bungee cord.
- …she made Right Guard turn left.
- …she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.
- …she puts ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.
- …they call her Norelco… Home of the triple head.
- …when she did the splits, she stuck to the floor.
- …she’s got more clap than an auditorium.
- …she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.
- …she pours salt water in her drawers to keep the crabs alive.
- …she made Speed Stick slow down.
- …she has more crabs then Red Lobster.
[top]Yo momma is so skinny…
- …she only has one stripe on her pajamas.
- …she can dodge rain drops.
- …she can see out the peephole with both eyes.
- …when she wore her yellow dress, she looked like a #2 pencil.
- …if she turned sideways and stuck out her tongue, she would look like a zipper.
- …if she had a sesame seed on her head, she’d look like a push pin.
- …she looks like a mic stand.
- …she turned sideways and disappeared.
- …her nipples touch.
- …I could blind-fold her with dental floss.
- …if she had dreads I’d grab her by the ankles and use her to mop the floor.
- …you can save her from drowning by tossing her a Cheerio.
- …her pants have one belt loop.
- …she can hula hoop in a fruit loop.
- …if she had a yeast infection she’d be a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
- …I gave her a piece of popcorn and she went into a coma.
- …she had to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.
- …when she takes a bath and lets the water out, her toes get caught in the drain.
- …she has to run around in the shower to get wet.
- …she has to wear skis in the shower.
[top]Yo momma is so old…
- …her memory is in black and white.
- …she drove a chariot to high school.
- …she has a Jesus Starter jacket.
- …she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.
- …she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
- …she used to baby-sit Yoda.
- …she DJ’d at the Boston Tea Party.
- …she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.
- …she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.
- …Jurassic Park brought back memories.
[top]Yo momma is so poor…
- …she can’t afford to pay attention!
- …when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people’s fingers!
- …her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
- …she drives a peanut.
- …when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
- …she went to McDonald’s and put a milkshake on layaway.
- …she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
- …she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin’?" She said, "Buying luggage."
- …your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
- …when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
[top]Yo momma is so smelly
- …the only dis I want to give her is a disinfectant.
- …she made her Right Guard call for backup.
- …a blind man walking by her asked "How much for the shrimp platter?"
- …next to her a skunk smells sweet.
- …that her shit is glad to escape.
- …she was playing in a sand box and a cat came along and buried her.
- …when she spreads her legs I get sea sick.
- …she made Right Guard go left, Speed Stick slow down, and Ban come off strike.
- …when you were being delivered, the doctor was wearing the oxygen mask.
- …even dogs won’t sniff her crotch.